Shining Isn't So Beautiful After All

The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about SHINING lately.

Today I was reading in Romans 13 and came across this verse: "Put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light."

Whoa. Armor of light. That brought my mind racing all the way back to Ephesians 6:10-18, the passage that talks about the armor of God. These two pieces of equipment are one in the same. The armor of God includes the weapons God has given us to fight the enemy: the Word of God, prayer, faith, salvation, righteousness, and peace. Only by equipping ourselves with every piece of the armor -- without one piece missing -- can we fight the spiritual battle that we are in.

The passage in Romans 13 shed new light (Haha, see what I did there?) on my understanding of the armor of God. By using the prepositional phrase "of light," after "armor," Paul is tying back to what he proclaimed in one of his letters.

"...Become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." (Philippians 2:15-16)

Basically, Paul is commending us to shine like stars as Christians. We are to stand out among the darkness in our world, and we do this by proclaiming the Gospel of Christ. As Christians, we are called into relationship with God and community with other Christians in order to go out and tell the world about Jesus' saving working on the cross.

But how does one go about this? How does one truly shine the light of Christ, and not of self?

Last week I was browsing Facebook when one of my mentors posted this quote. I don't know who it's from or where she got it, but it struck something within me.

"Shining is always costly. Light comes only at the cost of that which produces it. An unlit candle does no shining. Burning must come before shining. We cannot be of great use to others without cost to ourselves."

I don't know if this is a Christian quote or just a philanthropic quote, but either way, it provides an answer to my question.

Shining cannot occur without burning. And burning hurts.

What does burning entail? Paul gives the answer coincidentally -- or maybe not -- just before he talks about shining like stars. A few verse earlier, we read...

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God

something to be grasped,

but made Himself nothing,

taking on the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death --

even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:5-8)

That is death. That is burning. That is what Christ our Savior did on the cross for us, and we are called to do the same.

That brings me to another quote (Sorry, the Lord just speaks to me through quotes a lot! Haha.): "Jesus did not die on the cross just to save us from our sins; He died on the cross to teach us how to die on our own cross!"

WOW. That's powerful. No, we cannot forget that Jesus saved us from our sins on the cross. That itself is salvation -- the act of trust and surrendering to God that gives us eternal life. But there was more to Jesus' act than that!

Jesus taught you and me how to die on our own cross by his own act on the cross. Philippians 2:5-8 (above) perfectly correlates with this.

So the call to shining, the call to proclaiming the Gospel among all nations, first involves dying on our own cross. And what does dying on our cross entail?

Surrendering our rights.

Seeing ourself as "dirty, little objects" as C.S. Lewis puts it.

Wasting our life at the feet of Jesus all for His glory.

There is a difference between Christianity without a cross and Christianity with a cross. At an event called "Secret Church" put on by an external ministry organization called IMPACT at my school a little over a year ago, the speaker spoke about just this.

He said that Christianity WITHOUT a cross is comfortable with role-based Christianity. Christians who identify with this type of Christianity do not do anything; they stay put and just go through the motions of church and spiritual disciplines with no real growth.

On the other hand, Christianity WITH a cross consumes, hurts and costs. Christians who identify with this type of Christianity are ablaze for the Lord; they deny their desires and only have their eyes fixed on Jesus. They are not concerned with what the world thinks; they are only concerned about what God thinks. Although they may face persecution, they press onwards towards Christ -- the goal.

What sounds better to you? For me, it's the latter. No, I'm not there yet and every day I must die to myself over and over again. Yes, there are days where I fail. There are days where my flesh wins and my spirit loses. But in the long run, I'm on the road to dying on my cross, because I know that the reward of following God is greater than any temporary reward won by my own strength.

And that's what Thailand is all about. Yes, it may look pretty on the outside, but really, this opportunity is going to be challenging. I'm going to be in a totally foreign location with nothing familiar -- not even the language. But I know this is where the Lord has called me to, so I will not disobey Him.

I would rather die on the battlefield serving my Lord by wearing the armor of light than die in the comfort of my own culture.

"The only call is the cross."

Day #3: My Constant

I'm sitting here on my freshly made bed, my feet sprawled out over the covers as the cool breeze blows in from the window to my right. The smell of rain fills my nostrils, and I am put at peace. It's one of my favorite scents.

This feeling of peace... it's something I haven't experienced in a while.

The past week has been full of TRANSITION. I finished my third year of college, I said goodbye to many dear friends, I moved into a new building, and I started a new job.

I've been very weary and unsettled, and I haven't felt like myself. But now that my roommate and I have moved into our new place, my body, mind, and spirit can finally rest. And it's wonderful.

But even in the midst of all my ups and downs, and my all-nighters and early mornings the past week, I've clung to one thing to keep me going. That one thing?

It's Jesus. He is my constant. My journal and my Bible have been my stuck to my side during all the craziness, and I've opened them to be encouraged and strengthened through this wild process of change.

See, even in the middle of whatever you're going through, you can always trust in Jesus and know that He'll be there if you make Him your foundation. He never leaves, no matter how far you run away. 

He's waiting for you to take your empty cup to the fountain of life. He will fill you will Living Water and restore your soul.

**Are you in a dry season or on rugged terrain? When's the last time you plugged into the fountain of life on a constant basis?

Day #1: The Beauty of Rawness

This is the first of my summer blogs, which I am aiming to write DAILY. It's a stretch, but I know it will strengthen my writing and challenge me in communicating what the Lord is teaching to me with others. Every day I will focus on a passage of Scripture or a daily happening that takes place. Writing is the way the Lord communicates most clearly to me, so I wanted to increase my presence on this platform this summer to strengthen and encourage you wherever you're at in your walk with the Lord. I pray and hope my writing will be a blessing to you this summer, as I pour out what the Lord is going to be pouring into me this summer.

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I remember when I was younger and my mom would make me clean my room every week.

"Honey, it's time to clean your room!"As my mother's voice droned through the hallway, I would hustle and bustle in my room to pick the mess of toys, clothes, crayons and other junk off my floor. But instead of properly putting it back in its rightful place, I would stuff it under my bed or in my closet. My standard was that if the floors were relatively clean, my room was clean. No questions asked.

Later my mom discovered all of my belongings I would so cleverly tuck away into the corners of my room. I was disciplined by being grounded or given a timeout. Sadly, I did not learn my lesson until I was 10-years-old.

In the same way, we can be childish in the way we present ourselves. We can either choose to put on a mask and pretend everything is okay, or we can be real with people, even in the midst of our problems and brokenness.

In Matthew 23:25, Jesus criticizes the Pharisees for their fakeness.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisees!"

You see, the Pharisees portrayed themselves like they had everything all together. They presented themselves as holy and righteous to the people, but on the inside they stank of greed, pride and arrogance.

They were fake.

I wonder, do I present myself to people as real and honest, or fake? This is what I've come to realize the past few weeks:

For so long I've focused on maintaining my "outer" personality. I try to fit in with the crowd by cracking the same kinds of jokes and attending every social event organized. I work tirelessly to present myself as the sweet and innocent girl that would never hurt a fly, because Jesus would never hurt anybody.

I've become succumbed to the sickness of striving, and it's eating away at my soul.

I strive to fit into the mold that others expect me to be.

I strive to avoid conflict.

I strive, because I'm afraid of myself and who God created me to be.

And this striving? Well, it's fake. It's a technique to cover up who I really am inside. It's like going through the motions without soul. It's robot-like living.

I don't want to strive anymore. I don't want to conform to the patterns of the world anymore. I don't want to seek to meet every person's expectations of me, because I wasn't meant to please people. I am meant to please God.

Instead of striving to fit into the cookie cutter templates that people have formed for me, I'm going to reach for HOLINESS. Instead of focusing on my outward personality, I'm going to focus on my heart. I'm going to focus on being raw and genuine.

Because you only know the realness of something by its rawness.

I'm going to clean the inside of my cup, just like Jesus said in verse 26:

"First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."

And when the inside of my cup is clean, the outside will also be clean. I won't have to strive anymore. I won't have to try to cover up all my problems and mistakes.
There will be beauty in rawness, no matter how ugly it may be. Because when Jesus is at your core, shining out holiness from your inner being, His light casts out all condemnation and insecurity. He is your only standard, and you can rejoice among sorrow and pain.

**What are you hiding on the inside that needs to be washed away? Are people seeing the real you, or just a mirage?

In The Shadow Of The Cross

Silence.

My body molded into the green plush chair, I stare at the pale blue walls. A whiteboard is plastered on the wall with my grandma's name scrawled on it, in addition to the dosage of medicine the doctors have given her.

My right hand hangs awkwardly in my lap, and my left hand coils over the wooden folding table to clench my grandma's cold disfigured hand.
Her frail body lies there almost motionlessly on the thin hospital bed. It had only been five days since her surgery.

I can feel the ache inside of her through her bones.

It's been a year since my grandma had her surgery. The day after Easter, in fact.
I remember waking up at 3:30 a.m. to get to the hospital by 5:00 a.m. My mom, stepdad, younger sister, and I piled into our blue minivan -- and then grandma stepped in. Her face somber, she adjusted herself into the empty "bucket" seat beside me.
The ride to the hospital was almost silent. The only words spoken were those referring to directions.
After arriving at the hospital, we escorted grandma in to the dimly lit waiting room. We filled out the paperwork, and after scampering from one office to another, we left her there. Dressed in a baby blue hospital gown sitting in a wheelchair, she kissed each of us goodbye.

It hurt saying goodbye. I knew I would see her again soon, but the reality of leaving her there under the care of doctors and nurses scared me. What if something went wrong during the surgery? My head flooded with questions I did not know the answers to. I was clueless and afraid.

I expect the disciples felt a similar way when their Teacher, Jesus Christ, was pierced to the cross that solemn Friday night. A perfect and holy man, embodying God himself, hanging on the cross with a crown of thorns on his head and blood coating his entire body.

The man who had taught them everything about life hung there dead, right in front of their faces.
All hope was gone.

It baffles me when I conjure up the thought that the disciples didn't know Easter Sunday was coming. What would it be like to stand in front of the cross, not knowing that the resurrection would happen three days later?

The closest moment I have to that is the moment saying goodbye to my grandma in the hospital waiting room. But even then, I knew I would see her again.

This Easter season, I am reminded of the sorrow and confusion the disciples faced while watching their Savior die on the cross between two thieves. In that moment, there was no more hope. All that had happened the three years previous was meaningless.

Thankfully, Jesus did rise from the grave and now lives in heaven. And we can have eternal life if we confess our sins and believe his death and resurrection washed away our palette of brokenness.

But what would it have been like to not know this eternal hope was coming? How would you have reacted? What would it have been like to be in the shadow of the cross 2,000 years ago?

God In A Gas Station

Two days ago, two of my friends and I hit the interstate for an 8-hour road trip. Our long journey consisted of bonding through worship, prayer, eating at Jimmy John's and listening to a sermon by Francis Chan. Our destination? The one and only IHOP -- and that's not the pancake house, ladies and gents. That's the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO that hosts 24/7 prayer services. The three of us were stoked.
We arrived in KC around 7 p.m. and dropped one of our friends off at a high school to meet the family she would be staying with this week. Afterwards, my friend Kayla and I had no plans. We were free to do what we wanted for the rest of the night.
After a quick look at the gas level-ometer, we noticed the little arrow was close to hitting the red "E." We decided that a gas station would be the next stop in our night of spontaneity.
Little did we know that the stop would last more than an hour-and-a-half.
After leaving the high school parking lot, we immediately drove past a gas station to our right. Oops, our conversation had distracted us from making the turn. Luckily, there was a gas station only a quarter of a mile up the road under the bridge to the free way. We pulled in to the Phillipps 66 gas station at around 7:15 p.m.
Once pulling up to the pump, Kayla and I decided that I would pay for gas because she had paid for it on the way down. After retrieving my wallet, I noticed that the slot for my debit card was empty. "Shoot, I must have kept it in my other wallet," I said.
Thankfully, I had a $20 bill in my wallet so I gave it to Kayla to pay for as much gas as we could. Kayla walked into the gas station and pre-payed, while I stood out in the cold waiting to fill up. After some confusion of doing pre-pay (I had only done it once before), we were able to get the car half-filled. Good enough for now.
Kayla then contacted one of her friends in KC to hang out with. We were planning on going to Chipotle, when all of a sudden her iPhone died and thus had no way of navigating to the restaurant. I didn't have GPS on my phone, so we were stuck until her phone charged up again.
Kayla plugged her phone charger into the USB outlet in her radio, but the battery didn't charge.
Okay God, now what? We have no way of finding Chipotle and we don't even know what state we're in (KC is on the border of Kansas and Missouri, so we were clueless which side of the state line we were on.).
We decided to walk into the gas station and ask if they had an outlet we could use to charge Kayla's phone. Two clerks were at the desk: an older man probably in his late 50's, and a young girl who looked like she was in her early 20's. They both directed us to the women's bathroom, where we found an outlet next to the sink.
After plugging in Kayla's phone, we started talking about what we were going to do next. It was soon brought up that one of us should check on the car to make sure it was still safe, since the two of us were going to be in the bathroom for a while charging the phone.
I went out to the lobby and checked on the car, and just as I was about to turn back and walk to the bathroom, the two clerks asked if the outlet was working. I said yes, and they both asked where we were heading that night. I told them we were going to Chipotle and needed the GPS to work. The young girl started explaining how to use the Maps feature on an iPhone, and soon enough she sprung out from behind the counter and followed me into the bathroom to show us how it functioned (even though we already knew how it worked).
Three girls in a bathroom: two girls going to IHOP, and one gas station clerk. It couldn't have been more God-orchestrated. Read what happened next.
Kayla and I told the girl that we were headed to IHOP, and not surprisingly, she asked us what that was. We told her it was a prayer house that has live music 24/7. She was amazed by this and asked more. We showed her the live stream on Kayla's iPhone, and she seemed really curious.
We then began explaining to her why we were there and where we were from. She asked us what the two of us wanted to do when we grew up, and when Kayla told her she was going to be a youth pastor, the girl became really interested.
I don't know how all the pieces connected exactly, but eventually Kayla spilled her entire testimony and the girl ended opening up to us about her life.
The girl had grown up going to church when she was younger, but as a teenager she drifted away from the "religious" scene and got hooked into partying and dating other girls. She also told us about her difficult relationship with her mother.
What was interesting is that the night we visited was the girl's last day of work at the gas station. In three days, she was moving to Colorado with her half-brother to begin a new life. It was definitely a turning point for her in her life.
Throughout the conversation, which lasted over an hour, we continued telling her how much the Lord loved her and that He has a plan for her life. She was full of questions and eager to learn more about our faith. Every now and then I noticed a slight grin on her face, and it was amazing seeing the transformation taking place.
She didn't end up giving her life to the Lord, but we were able to pray with her at the end.
We laid hands on her inches in front of a sink in a gas station bathroom. God truly does work in the most unusual of places.
That hour-and-a-half couldn't have been more perfectly arranged.

• If I would have had my debit card, we wouldn't have gone inside to pay.
• If Kayla's phone hadn't died and then decided to work, then we wouldn't have gone in and had to use the outlet in the women's bathroom.
• If I hadn't gone and checked on our car, the girl wouldn't have followed me into the bathroom.

God seriously uses the most hopeless and frustrating moments for His glory sometimes. It's puzzling and beyond comprehension -- but it's SO worth every flustered moment, tear and grumble.
So whenever you find yourself in the midst of a situation that seems utterly hopeless, don't lose hope. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and your hope anchored in Him. Even when you feel like giving up, the Lord always has a way out and will use the most inopportune moments (in our human eyes) to show His glory.
Remember this truth that Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

God works in the middle of our mishaps. He doesn't expect perfection; all he requires is a heart that is willing and obedient to His voice, even in the midst of confusion and pain.
He turns our frustrations into moments for His glory to shine when we obey Him.

Refined By Flames

During a worship gathering at my school last night, the Lord put an image on my heart: gold surrounded by the flames of a fire.

I began thinking about the meaning of the image.

I pictured the hands of a miner panning gold, his dirty blistering hands plunging a pan of sand and dirt into water and then shaking out the remnants of gold. Though the process may be gruesome and tiring, in the end the miner is left with pure gold.

Just like the gold being hidden amid piles of sand and dirt, as Christians, we were once blended in with the rest of the world. Then Jesus came and separated us from everyone else. He called us out to be his disciples.

But it doesn't stop there.

After gold is found by a miner, the miner brings it to a craftsman to be refined. The goldsmith places the gold in a crucible, and being held by tongs, thrusts the crucible into the flames to remove all of the impurities of the precious metal. After many times of being put in the flames, with temperatures in the thousands of degrees, the gold is finally made pure.

I couldn't stop thinking of how similar the process of refining gold is to our walk with the Lord.

Not only did Jesus choose us from the mess of the world, but he is constantly putting us in situations where we either have the choice to be refined or to walk away.

Take someone's death for an example. Recently at our school a former student passed away. It was a moment of grief for many students, but even through it those close to him chose joy instead of anger. They rejoiced because the student wasn't in pain anymore, and they didn't allow themselves to be overcome with despair.

This is a refining moment in the flames. As would many other circumstances, such as being stuck in a financial crisis or experiencing a break-up after a long-term relationship that you thought would lead to marriage.

How will you handle the flames that arise in your life? Will you flee, or will you remain and allow the Lord to mold your character into something more like Him?

1. The Lord takes us through struggles and pain for a reason. His ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of Christ, and the trials we encounter are designed to help us reach that goal. Trials develop godly character, and that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)

2. The Lord also reassures us that those who call on His name during these times of trial will be answered. When we put our hope fully in Him, He will calm us during the storm and provide a way out in His timing. It may not happen right away, like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years, but He will work as what fits best in His plan for your life.

"I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'" (Zechariah 13:9)

There's no avoiding the pains and troubles that come with life on earth. However, we do have a choice about what we do when these troubling times hit. Choosing to trust in the Lord and abide in Him during the storm will give us the opportunity to grow more into the image of Christ.

And once we choose to put our hope in Him, the Lord will rid of us of all our impurities when we become fully SATURATED in His presence. Ask Him to ignite the flame in your heart that would gnaw away at any impurity hindering your from growing in your relationship with the Lord.

Fill In The Blank

Today in chapel we sang "Great I Am" by New Life Worship.
I remember over the summer debating with one of my friends over what the best worship songs were, and this song popped up. My friend described it as the "most powerful worship song of the day," and honestly, I couldn't argue that.
The chorus goes like this:

Hallelujah, Holy Holy
God Almighty, the Great I Am
Who is worthy
None beside Thee
God Almighty, the Great I am

I've sung this song probably a dozen times in church settings. In my own listening, I've played it countless times. But I never fully grasped what the lyrics meant until today.
As I was worshipping, I started thinking about the Old Testament patriarchs. Moses. Abraham. Joseph. Their stories are fresh in my head, because I committed to doing the whole "Read-The-Bible-In-A-Year" thing for one of my new year's resolutions.
I remember reading how God appeared to Moses in a burning bush and said, "I AM WHO I AM." His answer puzzled me. But the answers lie in the previous chapeters and the books to come in both the Old and New Testaments.
God is our Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, Defender, Fighter, Father, Friend, Helper, Shepherd... The list goes on and on.
God is whoever you need Him to be in your circumstance.
Even when Jesus comes in the New Testament, He uses the same phrases to describe Himself. The book of John lists several of these:
"I am the Bread of Life."
"I am the Good Shepherd."
"I am the Light of the world."
God is the Great I Am ___________. You fill in the blank.
Whether you need healing from a sickness, peace in a relationship, money in a financial crisis, or anything in-between, He is there standing in the gap for you. Have faith in Him and He will be there for you in whatever way you need Him to.

I Will Not Fear

(The most important part of this post is bolded; that's my story from this past Friday night.)
There's a really cool evangelistic opportunity at my school. It's called Encounter.
Every Friday night, students gather in one of the classrooms on campus to worship and pray for an hour. Then, at around 11:30 p.m., they hit the streets of downtown Minneapolis to get to know the people who are out partying and drinking. Their goal is to spread Christ's love through simple conversation, which ultimately can open doors for prayer and salvation.
I started going to Encounter during spring semester of my freshman year. In fact, it wasn't until the very last outing that I went. My friend Amy reeled me into it, saying that it was "so awesome." Yeah, I was terrified.
See, I had never been one to go out and evangelize, nonetheless walk around the streets of Minneapolis at night. I'm not a city girl. I come from a small town bordering the suburbs, so this experience would DEFINITELY push me out my comfort zone.
But I went. And, I liked it. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He sent me out on those streets that night. My partner and I were able to hear the life story of a guitar player near one of the clubs, and eventually we got to pray with him. It was incredible; nothing like I had ever experienced before.
That one night was a launching pad for my consistent attendance the following year. I started to feel a deeper love for the city and the people. I started to feel the brokenness enveloping the city, and God placed a passion inside of me to go and minister to that.
Fast forward a year. It's my junior year at North Central University, and this past semester I didn't go to Encounter very much. Instead, I was working late nights and early mornings on the weekends, so my body couldn't afford sacrificing a good night's sleep. The times I did go out were amazing, though.
And now it's the beginning of a semester. I quit my weekend job during winter break, which means Encounter is now something I can go to more often if the Lord leads me to it. Speaking of which, this past Friday I went out. And wow, was it mind-blowing. I want to share my story with you.
I was partnered with one of the leaders named Josiah and a new student named Gabi. We walked downtown and talked to quite a few people, but it wasn't until we reached Bar Fly that the main events of the night struck. Josiah started talking to a man, and as this was happening a drunk guy ambled off the street. Gabi and I said "hello" and started a conversation with him. Gabi was doing most of the talking, and as the the conversation progressed my eyes drifted off to the side. I saw a woman dressed in a long, puffy coat with a fur hood covered her head. Her face was buried in a white scarf, and you could barely see her pale brown face in the light. That's when I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit. So I walked up to her. I asked her how her night was, and she suddenly stopped, turned to me, and gave me a hug. I didn't know how to respond. She then pulled out four coins and asked me if I had $0.75. I said no, but I told her I could pray for her if she'd like. Immdiately she turned away and walked in the other direction. After that happened, I was able to talk and pray with the man she was with who was walking beside her. Then I moved back to Gabi's conversation with the drunk guy. I noticed on the other side of the bus stop (where we were standing) there were two police officers with a skankishly dressed girl. The drunk guy waltzed over to one of the officers and tapped his shoulder to use him as a metaphor in our conversation about the Bible. Suddenly, another officer appeared and told the drunk guy to leave the premises otherwise he could be arrested for interrupting a serious situation (the girl was intoxicated and the officers were trying to help her find her friends to get home). The drunk guy backed off, but it seemed as if the officer didn't understand, because he grabbed ahold of his shirt and shoved him against the glass wall of the bus stop. The man started yelling, and all of a sudden he was tackled into the street. Gabi and I had backed away by this point and had started to pray over the situation. We didn't know what was happening. After praying and meeting up with two other group members, the officers had left and the drunk guy had walked off in another direction. But the girl was still there, surrounded by two of her friends now. One of the friends left, and the other friend was on the phone. My attention grazed towards the intoxicated girl, however. She was seated on a bench, scrunched up with her hands covering her face. The Holy Spirit then nudged me over to them.
"Ladies, how are you doing? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," said the girl on the phone.
But I could tell not everything was fine. The intoxicated girl was dressed in a white blouse, a black mini skirt and black tights. I could tell she was freezing. So I asked her a question.
"Honey, are you cold?"
No response. Just a quick seat-shift to the side, and her hands motioning for me to sit down next to her. I sat down and offered her my coat, but her friend refused to have me give it to her. So I just hugged her, my arm wrapped around her cold, frail body.
She cuddled closer against me, and I could her hear whisper, "You're warm" under her intoxicated breath. It broke me.
The time went by, and after five minutes their ride came and the girl on the phone got up and helped her friend up. I then regrouped with the others who were standing nearby.
This is what I learned that night:
Sometimes following the lead of the Holy Spirit is uncomfortable. It will scare you out of your mind; it will draw you into places you'd never imagine going before.
But when you drop all your fear and uncertainty on the side of the road and say, "God, I will do WHATEVER you want me to do," that's when He accompanies you and fights for you.
That's what I had to do on Friday night.
I'll be transparent with you. I told you above that after my first experience with Encounter, I really started to like it. I've had amazing interactions with people on the streets, but all of these interactions have been primarily through the prompting of one of my partners. I've never sparked my own conversation with someone on the street. And, to add to that, I've never talked to a woman on the streets. Only men. That's my confession. My fear.
Or, should I say, old fear. On Friday night, I decided that I was done hanging out in the background. I decided I was done just following the lead of my partner, and not listening to the Holy Spirit while on the street.
I wanted to listen to the Holy Spirit, and I really wanted to talk to women.
Then God spoke to me. He told me that He would fight for me if I put my hope in Him. He would be my mouthpiece if my own words failed.
So I allowed God to use me. I allowed myself to become nothing so He could work through me. I was able to listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit, and I was able to talk to two women.
See, we are nothing without the power of Christ in us. I believe that to be so incredibly true. From the very roots of my relationship with the Lord I am dependent on Him. He was nailed to a cross so I could be redeemed, and by faith in Him, I am saved. That's my story.

Not My Own

Today I was touched by one person's act of genorosity.
I was working at our house garage sale to raise money for the FMSC MobilePack event our school is hosting this spring. It was quite slow, but around 4:45 p.m. one of the guys on my brother floor walked in. He browsed for at least ten minutes, and afterwards he ambled up to the counter with a bag of Hebrew coffee in his hands.
"How much?" I said. "$2? $1? Give as little or as much as you like." I wasn't expecting much for a small bag of ground coffee. Out of my surprise, my expectations were blown away.
"I was thinking $10."
I just sat there, jaw dropped and my eyes wide.
"Or actually, all I have is a $20 bill, so how about I just give it all?"
This time my heart stopped. $20 for a bag of coffee? You wouldn't even pay that much for a fresh ground bag at Starbuck's or Caribou.
"Uhhhh... Wait... Are you sure?"
"It is for a good cause, isn't it?"
"Why yes... well ummmm, thank you. Thank you so much!"
Then he walked up the stairs.

In the moments after he left, I sat there motionless. I couldn't focus on the Bible commentary in my hands anymore. All I could think was, "Why would someone give so much for something so little?"
But isn't that what God did for us?
He came down into the earth in flesh and bones, and sacrificed his body for all of humankind on the cross. He gave his Son as a living sacrifice so we could be redeemed and made whole again.
This is the ultimate gift.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
 

Some of you may have heard this verse over and over again as a child in Sunday school, but I want you to really focus on what it means.
It was out of authentic, pure and righteous love that God gave his highest prized possession (his Son) to redeem the wickedness of the world. We don't deserve one bit of this love. But out of His grace, we are released from our chains and are free to live in joy, peace, and goodness!

As I reflect on the wonder of God's sacrifice, I ponder about what I am hanging on to that could release more of God's kingdom into this earth if I let it go.
My pride.
My greed.
My fear.
These are only three of the things I struggle with. What if I decided to leave pride, greed and fear on the side of the road and run after God's arms like never before?
Pride and greed would be replaced wtih HUMILITY. God's strength would come alive in my weakness.
See the truth is, God will never turn us away. No matter how broken and messed up we are. Maybe it's time to start sacrificing the things holding you up tight for something that may not seem like the most self-satisfying in the moment, but for something that honors and glorifies the King through meekness and humble devotion.

It's time to remember that our bodies, possessions, emotions, actions and words were all created by the King for one purpose: to glorify the King, the maker of the universe and everything in it.
Everything we own really isn't ours. Everything that has been given to us is a blessing from above, and we need to use it to magnify His name - whether that be our earthly possessions, our talents or our personality.
We were made to worship.

"Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL and with all your MIND." (Matthew 22:37)

So I challenge you. Take time to evaluate your heart's motives behind every word that rattles off your tongue and every action your hands and feet make. Do they bring glory and praise to the King? Or are they self-glorifying, bringing satisfaction for a moment but in the long run destroying you?

Give it all to Jesus. He's worthy of every penny, every smile, every car ride, every phonecall, every basketball shoot, every paintbrush stroke, every stir of the spoon, and every other way that can be used to show off his glory. :)

Lost Keys

Let me share a story with you.
Today started off as being another normal day at work... until I lost the keys. I had set them down on the counter directly in front of one of the registers, and five minutes later they were gone. No one knew where they were.
I started searching frantically, in hopes of finding them mixed in with the clumps of paper scraps in the garbage can or behind one of the grey bins on the floor. I opened every drawer, picked up every rug, and looked in every crack behind the cashwrap counter. Nothing.
By the time an hour-and-a-half was up, it was time for me to take my 15 minute break. I stumbled to the backroom, panicking in tears as my eyes started to swell up. I was on the verge of having an emotional breakdown.
When I returned to the salesfloor, I continued looking for the keys, up and down the counter and in and out of all the different openings they could have fallen in to. Another hour-and-a-half passed by until I finally gave up and went on my hour break.
Such a silly situation to beat yourself up on and allow it to wreck your day, right?
I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally stressed over a misplaced object. I couldn't focus on doing any other part of my job and I became extremely frustrated and impatient with customers.
As I was sitting in my car during my hour break, one of my friends reminded me of this Bible verse:

"I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)

The context of this verse is Jesus telling the disciples that He is going to leave them, and He is reassuring them that peace will travel with them.
I think this same peace that was with the disciples over 2,000 years ago can occupy our minds and our hearts now if we accept it.
There are going to be issues that arise. This world isn't perfect. In fact, we cannot depend on anything the world offers or says.
As one of the professors at my college is renowned for saying, "The world may fail you, but God is faithful." I love that last little bit. God is faithful.
We don't have to be troubled or worried, over the smallest of problems (like my own) or even the biggest of problems (a family member's death, a job loss, etc.).
As the Lord started speaking to me about His peace and His faithfulness, I was reminded that I belong to the Lord and nothing can ever separate me from His love.
My little freakout today, well, that's nothing in the book of troubles people in this world have faced. So what ended up happening after my lunch hour was over?
I walked back into work, head up high and a smile slapped across my face. Worry had no control over me anymore.
And no, I never did end up finding the keys. But that'ss okay. God taught me a huge lesson through such a tiny circumstance in the scheme of things.
Whenever worry or fear starts to inch in, remind yourself of this verse:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Grocery Store

Ready, set, go! Grocery shopping time. You park the mini van in the parking lot and hustle in, list-in-hand and ready to dash through the aisles in record time. Immediately after the door opens, you grab a cart and scramble down the produce aisle. Finally, you make your way through the meat, deli, dairy and dry food departments until making your way into the checkout line.

You must be wondering why I've described such a well-known weekly activity among Americans. Almost every family does it, whether they bring their kids to cry through the whole experience or if it's just mom picking up a gallon of 2% milk after work so breakfast can still exist in the morning. Not much thought or emotion is put into the trip.

That's unless memories are carved into that place. When we are brought back to locations of our past, flashbacks slide through our minds of who we once were at that point in time and the chills start to run through our back.

Ambling through the aisles of the grocery store and being stared down by half of the employees automatically thrust those thoughts into my head. Just because I used to date one of the dairy boys.

Surroundings from our past have a keen ability to haunt us of "what once was". Although their appearance may change with time, the exact location does not. A capsule of time is ground into that portion of space.

If you've even gone back to your childhood home or your old elementary school, it would be a similar experience. You remember running through the sprinkler with your siblings on the lawn during the summer, or being put in detention in Mrs. Axel's classroom for two hours after school. Your mind becomes a roll of colored film.

Sometimes past experiences can be joyous and delightful; other times experiences can be painful and quarrelsome with our current self.

Such as times when we started ignoring a friend at school because they weren't "cool" enough for us anymore.

Or in our teenage years when we used to cut during the late hours of night in our room.

Or in the car at the park when we had sex with that guy.

Visiting these places in our past can be a deep struggle and bring a huge amount of regret.

But God didn't create us to live with a guilty conscience. His Son died on the cross so that we may be SAVED from our sin... our past.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

We are justified and redeemed through the blood of the Lamb. We have been made holy and righteous with Him! Nothing can separate us from the Lord. No lie. No failure. No sin. NOTHING.

This doesn't mean we are forever broken free from our past, however. God still allows us to walk through adversity and hardship so we can learn to put our full trust in Him and experience His grace abundantly.

If we didn't struggle with anything, then we wouldn't have any reason for a Savior.

All believers have some kind of junk on their plate. Whether it's presently visible or hidden in the shadows of the past, everyone has their secrets.

The thing that makes some stronger than others is how they deal with their junk. Do they give it to the Lord, or do they mope around with it all day, whining and complaining about their consistent failures?

When we hand our weaknesses over to the Lord, then His strength is made complete in those weaknesses. There's something mysterious and powerful about laying our sin down at the foot of the cross. The Lord picks it up, puts it on His shoulders, and with a smile He says, "Child, you have been made whole."

We don't need to compare ourselves anymore to the person we were in our past. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul writes that we have been transformed into a new creation!

Live in that truth. Allow the Lord to release you of your past burdens, and walk free knowing full well His furious and passionate love for you!

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

My Paper Heart

Lately I've discovered how weak my heart is.

I've always struggled with self-worth and identity, just like 99.9% of the female population has. And through this, I tend to seek acceptance in the wrong things. I am constantly searching to find love from people, especially guys.

Acceptance has been my biggest life struggle.

I want to say I'll overcome it, I want to say I'll conquer it. But I'm intimidated of the journey. Scared I'll mess up along the way.

You see, I have this hole in my paper heart that I'm longing to fill with love from "that special someone". The problem? I fill the hole with gunk and temporary joy.

Maybe a guy will come along for a short period of time and make me "feel good" about myself. He'll enlighten my spirits, encourage me, and want to invest time in me. These kind actions soften my hearts toward him and make me vulnerable to fall into an emotional attachment to him. This has happened too many times in my life, at every stage in my walk with the Lord.

What I realized is that I need to empty this hole of desire momentarily, and fill it up with Jesus. Overflow it with Jesus.

I know this entire year I've been holding back. I'm continuously reminding myself to dig into the Word more, spend more personal time with the Lord, pray more, etc.

Instead, I've been filling my spacious moments with work, people, and entertainment. Not the Lord. I can honestly say that the Lord is not #1 in my life right now like He should be.

It chews away at me knowing that I'm not giving my whole heart and being to the Lord, but there's a part of me that is comfortable with it. I'm satisfied with doing other things that are less risky, and my sinful nature delights in ignoring the Lord when He calls upon me.

What I'm trying to say is that I just need to let go of searching for the person the Lord has destined me to cross path with. At least until I'm fully satisfied in Him, and He has my entire heart in His hands.

This is a quote that one of my brothers in Christ kept pounding into me:

"Don't seek opportunities. Seek the Lord, and the opportunities will follow." -Mark Batterson

Basically, what this is saying is that we, as humans, shouldn't always hunger towards our desires and wants. We need to maintain some sense of control and keep that freedom God-oriented, but at the same time, we need to be constantly seeking after the Lord and asking Him for His will in our lives. We need to LISTEN and OBEY.

When we become totally wrapped up in the Lord, and He is guiding our every step, then He will guide the right person we're meant to marry into our lives. Maybe they're been there all along, maybe they haven't. Who knows. Only the Lord.

It's kind of like that saying, "A girl needs to be so lost in the Lord, that a guy needs to seek Him to find her."

I need to shift my eyes back to the Lord and let Him captivate me as His daughter, princess and bride.

Letters

Last Friday, Craig Gross from XXX Church came to speak at my school. He helps people struggling with sex and pornography get out of that lifestyle and become pure again. At the end of his message, he talked about a challenge he puts each of his clients through. They write a letter from their addiction to themselves, and then write a letter back to that sin proclaiming truth and freedom.
As I was worshiping the Lord tonight, this idea of writing a letter to my struggle came to mind. It's been something I've been wrestling with for as long as I can remember, but I've never been able to approach it head on. We were singing "Break Every Chain" by Jesus Culture, and the worship leader was talking to us about how we needed to release ourselves from the things tying us down. My mind began to float, and I realized my chains were plain in front of my face: my insecurity. It's been holding me back from seeing who I am FULLY in the eyes of the Lord and not letting other people get in the way of that.
So I wrote a letter to it. This is the very first copy, straight word-for-word from my journal. I know I haven't overcome it yet, and this is the first of many letters yet to come, but I feel the twine has been loosened on my feet and my wrists.

Dear Insecurity,
You have grappled with me long enough. I am free from you! You don't define me anymore. My worth and identity are found in the Lord!
I don't need to live up to the world's expectations of me.
I don't need to pretend that my life is perfect.
I don't need to compare myself to others.
The Lord has created me beautiful, strong and unique! I am His beloved, His child. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will wrap His lovingkindness around me like eagle's wings.

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings." (Psalm 36:7)

You won't conquer my thoughts or feelings anymore. I will rebuke you with truth from the holy and living Word of God! The slander and judgment from others are lies and deception from the enemy. The Lord did not create you, Insecurity. You are from the pit of hell and I command in the name of Jesus that you go back to that place! You have no right to occupy my life anymore.
I am worth more than the stars in the sky, more beautiful than Solomon's robes, more precious than gold and silver. I am a warrior princess that the Lord has raised up from the dead! I am no longer dead to sin, but Christ reigns IN me.

"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14)

Your victim-no-more,
Rebekah

Broken

I wasn't expecting it; I didn't want to feel it. But obviously God had a different plan.

It was a week-and-a-half ago on a Friday night. Every Friday night, a student-run casual street evangelism outreach at my school -- called Encounter -- walks to the Block E district of Minneapolis to talk and pray with people who are partying and drinking at the clubs. I got involved with the ministry last year, and have been going ever since. I've probably been to at least a dozen Encounters.

This Friday was different. I was hanging out with my friend Becka in Uptown before meeting up for prayer at 10:00 p.m. We were walking down to The Beat, and all of a sudden I started feeling pains in my stomach. It couldn't have been the food I had eaten earlier, and I hadn't been sick all day. Despite the continuous pains, I kept walking until we got to The Beat. By the time we left, the pains had gotten worse, but they were still bearable. I hopped into Becka's car and drove back to school. We met up with the rest of the group at 10:30 p.m.

During worship and prayer, I began pacing back and forth in prayer, and then squatted down against the wall with my hands covering my face. The pains had become excruciating. I was almost in tears.

Lord, why am I feeling this way? I don't understand; I've never felt this way before Encounter.

Typically during Encounter, I feel empowered and filled with the Holy Spirit to go out on the streets and love on the lost sons and daughters of the Father. This night I felt the opposite. I was hurting and torn, totally unprepared to go out (as I thought).

Jake gathered the entire room in a circle for corporate prayer. He asked how everyone was doing and if the Lord was speaking to them, and I couldn't hold back. The burden was overwhelming. As I started to explain how I felt to my sisters and brothers in Christ, I started tearing up. I was surrounded by the loving arms of my dearest sisters in Christ. One of them approached me and told me that the pain I was feeling was for the people we were about the encounter on the streets.

Yes, of course! That makes sense. But why?

I started to grasp why the Lord was sharing a bit of His brokenness with me, but I didn't know how it would change my perspective -- until we reached the darkest corners of downtown Minneapolis.

We arrived in the Block E around midnight. My partner Becka and I walked to First Ave. right away. There was a heavy presence of spiritual darkness we could sense over the venue. We started to pray at a street corner for the brokenness we saw. After 10 minutes of prayer, we walked to the light rail platform near Sneaky Pete's. We sat down on a bench and "people watched" while continuing to pray in the Spirit for the Lord's lost sheep surrounding us.

A small thin girl wearing a tiny gold dress was sitting across from us with two men. The men kept harassing her, and she kept swearing at them all the while still letting them say these rude things to her. The group was obviously drunk, but it was still incredibly difficult to watch the girl receive this kind of treatment. There were similar situations everywhere we looked.

This Friday night was a night of prayer. We didn't get to talk to anyone about the Lord, but the Lord shared a piece of His heart with us. He specifically spoke to me about the unconditional and powerful love He has for His people.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

God's love is INCREDIBLE. What sticks out to me in this verse is the extent God's love goes for us -- He sacrificed His only Son for us on a tree!

The death of Jesus Christ is the ultimate symbol of true love. He died for all the sins of humankind that were in the past, and were to come in the future! Every. Single. Sin.

This kind of love is immeasurable to human standards. No man can even love His wife this much. Although we can earnestly seek after the Lord and desire after His heart, we will always fall short of true love.

Just imagine the pain and the brokenness the Father feels for his lost sons and daughters who are still in the shadows. He groans at the thought that they have turned their backs from Him; Satan has literally shielded their eyes with a veil preventing them from seeing the glory of the Lord. Only God Himself can tear the veil!

But guess what? The Lord tore the veil on the night of Jesus' death.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." - Matthew 27:51

That means the Lord can rip apart the veil blocking every person's soul and spirit from experiencing the love of the Father! The Lord loves His sons and daughters -- for they were created in His very image (Genesis 1:27). He is jealous for them and pursues after them, but we as believers MUST be willing to obey the Lord and the calling He has placed on our lives in order for them to come home to the Father. We must "go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation" (Mark 16:15). This involves two major things:

1. Sharing the Good News to the lost people of the world with love and compassion.

2. Prayer.

As the night concluded on Friday, the burden started to drift away from my heart. I started to feel relieved and more at peace -- but only because I responded to the message the Lord was speaking to me. He showed me His brokenness and compelled me to stretch myself even more as I share the good news with the people I bump into on a day-to-day basis.

Just Be

Last week was Spring Break at my college. Instead of spending my week with family or basking in the rays on a white sand beach in Florida, I spent five full days with five beautiful ladies in Wisconsin. We stayed in a cabin about 30 minutes across the Minnesota border hidden in the depths of a grove of pine and birch trees, among patches of prairie land.

During our Monday-through-Friday stay in the cabin, we fellowshipped with one another and prayed for the missions trips from our school that went out into the world to serve. The three teams traveled to LA Dream Center, Asia and France. Our days typically consisted of individual prayer/journaling in the mornings, and corporate prayer and worship in the late afternoons and nights.

One huge thing the Lord taught me during this trip is that I have the authority in the name of Jesus over any situation. The Lord showed me this after being spiritually attacked the first two days. The enemy kept telling me I was worthless, and was taking advantage of the insecurity he loves to entertain me with. In our prayer circle on Tuesday night, I kept wrestling between the lies the devil was thrusting in my head and the truth I KNEW I needed to shout out. Then I just did it. I let it out. "Lord, I will not hold back anymore!" I proclaimed it and broke down in tears. But I felt spiritually released. I denounced the control the enemy had on me and declared victory in the name of Jesus! Fear CAN be eliminated. Doubts are NO MORE. The Lord already won the victory, and all we need to do is re-present that victory on Calvary! Isn't that awesome?

The rest of the trip was all a bit hazy to me in the moment. I asked the Lord to speak clearly to me, and He gave me this verse in the Old Testament. It is Samuel's response to the Lord calling on him for the third time in the temple:

     "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." -1 Sam. 3:10

Then I remembered: One way the Lord speaks to me is through my writing! So, I dug out my pen started scribbling. I wrote until I filled 24 pages in my journal with verses, pictures, thoughts and prayers.

After sifting through all that content, I discovered one common theme and one thing I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE IS BEING WITH JESUS.

"being" - this word carries so much depth! Check out how dictionary.com defines it. I love the first definition listed:

     1. to exist or live

Isn't that profound when you apply it to my revelation? Let me re-write it with the new meaning. "The most important thing in your life is existing and living with Jesus." Doesn't that make it so much more real? Jesus is walking side-by-side with me, everywhere I go, doing everything I do with me. Even if I slip and fall. Literally NOTHING can separate me from the Lord! He is my Father and Friend. He's actually there, and I need to make an effort to spend time with Him and live my life in COMPLETE devotion to Him!

Devotion is simply worship, and worship comes in many forms. It is not merely a band on stage during Sunday morning church service singing the overplayed Hillsong and Jesus Culture songs. It is music, prayer, reading Scripture, journaling, crafting... The list is endless on the ways you can worship the Lord! All that it requires of you is that you do it in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. And your posture during worship needs to express the genuine condition of your heart.

What it all boils down to is this: Let go and let God.

One way to do this is to just stop for a second. Turn off that cellphone and shut your laptop; sit for a moment in silence. As Psalm 46:10 puts it, "Be still and know that I am God." Think about that. The Lord is directly asking us to tune down our busy lives and turn our eyes and our hearts to Him! I love how Peggy Kendall describes it, too: "Disconnect with your culture and reconnect with your Maker." That should be the basis for our everyday lives.

I challenge you. Slow down your wheels, even hit the breaks, and reflect on your life. Is your life rich, deep and purposeful, or is it just a cheap substitute? What are you missing because you're too busy? What can you surrender to the Lord in order to see Him in the 24 hours of your day?

Don't become too busy FOR the Lord that you don't have time to be WITH Him. Make your relationship with the Lord real. It may be messy, but guess what? That means it's a good relationship! Sit in His presence and just listen for His still, small voice. Because that changes everything. :-)

The Symbol of Love

February 14.

The one day on the calendar when greeting card companies lash out bundles of pink and red heart-patterned cards, grocery stores overstock on freshly cut roses and boxes of chocolate, and couples crowd into restaurants for a romantic dinner over candlelight.

Between all the cheesy love messages scribbled on candy hearts and the classic love songs from the 1950s, the meaning of love is much deeper than our society likes to commercialize it.

Valentine's Day can be wrapped up in one symbol, more or less: The heart. A heart represents the undying love between two people, typically those who have romantic feelings for one another. But it can also represent love among friends and families.

The heart is not a bad representation of the overrated, flowery holiday. However, I think there's a much better symbol that emanates the REAL meaning of love. And what's that, you ask? The cross.

The cross is where true love was birthed. Phil Wickham's song, "True Love", paints a beautiful portrait of the scene of Jesus' death on the cross 2,000 years ago.

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Jesus died on the cross for all the ugliness of the world that was in the past, was present at the moment, and was yet to come! He shed His blood so we could be saved and guaranteed a place among the heavens in eternity. That's true love.

Whenever this time of the year comes along, it is hard not to get caught up in the emotional rush of human love (especially when you have a significant other) or give yourself a pity party if you are single. I've been a victim of both of these reactions.

This year, however, I am happily "flying it single" and focusing my eyes and my heart on the Lord. I'm going to spend the day reflecting on His perfect and blameless love. I'm going to rejoice with thankfulness for the showers of mercy and grace He has given me!

There's nothing for me to beat myself up about. I'm not going to gorge myself on Oreos and Nutella because I need an alternate source of satisfaction (although my best friend and I love consuming "heartbreak" food whenever we hang out and have a girl's night).

I can be fully confident that I am loved by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I am one of His beautiful princesses, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. He works all things together for my good! Now THAT's a good God. Let me leave you with this verse in Jeremiah 31:3, which I think sums up it all:

"The Lord has appeared to us from afar, saying:

'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.'" <3

Eating Yourself Out Of The "I-Know-Who-You-Are-But-I-Don't-Really-Know-You" Relationship

I was reading in John 6 yesterday. I stumbled upon the verse where the disciples ask Jesus to give them the bread of God that Jesus describes as "he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."

Who is the bread of God?

JESUS. He declares this in verse 35: "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

Well obviously, you must be thinking. This is no surprise.

But when I read this verse once again, for the fifty-seventh time I'm sure, something struck me. I was reminded of the Lord's Prayer. Here's the excerpt from it that hit me:
"Give us today our daily bread (Matthew 6:11)."

I immediately connected this 'daily bread' with Jesus' declaration of Himself being the bread of life. Simply put: The Lord is the bread and we NEED the bread daily in order to remain spiritually nourished.

It's just like maintaining a healthy diet by utilizing the food pyramid - we need grains, fruit, vegetables, proteins, dairy, and a teeny tiny portion of fat. If we cut off intake of any one of these food groups, we will lack important vitamins and minerals we need to stay healthy.
When we don't get our daily dosage of "spiritual" bread, AKA Jesus, then our relationship with God will stagger. Look at it this way: If you look like the perfect Christian on the outside - you lead worship every Sunday morning, you volunteer at youth group, and you go to Bible study on Wednesday nights with your friends - but you do not spend any extra one-on-one time with the Lord, then your relationship with Him is weak. Your roots are thin and withered.

You may be connecting with God other times, but the Lord desires to be sought after. He wants you to actually set aside time for Him out of your crazy busy schedule just to soak in His presence. He is a jealous God!

I'm not trying to convict you of anything. This is something I've been struggling with ever since I gave my heart to the Lord. When the Lord delivered me of a past relationship and started to heal me emotionally, I finally started pursuing the Lord in my own time. Before that my Christian life consisted of Sunday morning services and youth group every once in awhile (and only because my mom made me attend). My "relationship" with the Lord wasn't even a real relationship. It was an "I-know-who-you-are-but-I-don't-really-know-you" acquaintance. Super awkward, right? Like a familiarity with that person in your Psychology class who sits beside you and you hold "small talk" every class period, but every time you see them elsewhere it's just plain awkward because you don't know them that well. That's exactly how it is with the Lord when you aren't scheduling time out of your own day for Him!

This school year has been incredibly transforming for me. The Lord pulled me up out of the muddy pit I was treading in, washed me, and now I feel like I can begin to climb the mountain towards the dream God has called me to. It's not easy. The devil likes to deter my journey by thrusting obstacles in my way; and I learned that it will take a lifetime to reach the top of the mountain. But learning how to spend time with the Lord daily - maybe only a simple 5-minute prayer or quick read-through of one of the Psalms - that dramatically impacts my day. I can wake up cranky and tired from getting only five hours of sleep and go to class with a negative attitude, or I can jump out of bed and dig into the Word. One little verse can bring a flood of encouragement to spark my day off on the right note. It's too cool how God speaks even in the mere seconds we give Him.

Bread is becoming a vital component of my spiritual food. I love worshiping and fellowshiping with other believers, but if I'm not devoting a portion of my day to just talk with God in my own time, then how can I grow? Relationships aren't built unless both sides take time investing in one another.

I want to become intimate with the Lord. I want to desire him constantly. I know that He abides inside of me and is my Friend, but I want to dedicate extra time just to get to know Him more. And not only times that fit into my schedule well. ALL THE TIME. A constant connection. I will "taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalm 34:8) by "eating" the bread that never goes out of stock.

The Devil's Puppet

10 o'clock on a Wednesday night. The spacious room is dimly lit with college-aged students scattered throughout the aisles on both the ground level and balcony. The stage floor illuminates the spotlights off the glossy wood floor, reflecting a magnificent grand piano in its shadows. About nine minutes past the hour, a girl walks up on stage with a microphone in hand. She opens her heart and shares what God has placed on it, and gives the next two hours over to a girl on piano. The soft, melodic notes resonate off the large paneled walls and drift throughout the sanctuary to the darkness looming in the back. Voices cry out to the Lord; hands protrude into the air; songs of praise among soprano, alto, tenor, and bass blend together; whispers bounce back between brothers and sisters of Christ. It is the most intimate experience between a believer and the Lord.
I scrunch myself up between two rows of chairs, my back resting against the rough cloth and my barefoot feet clinging to the carpet. I hug my legs and bury my face into my arms.
I begin to talk to the Lord. I talk to Him like a normal human being, nothing fancy. Hey God, I'm here. I've had a rough week, but I'm ready to be refreshed and start anew. What do you want to say? My ears are open.

I listen. Still, the same voices and music consume my hearing. I dodge off the distractions that knock on my mind. I want to stay focused on the Lord.
Then the image pops into my head. Jesus praying at the garden of Gethsemane before his arrest.
I dig out my Bible and flip the pages to Matthew, where I thumb through each headline (I haven't memorized the New Testament). After a minute or two, my eyes rest upon the passage in Matthew 26. The scene of Jesus' arrest.
I mouth the words, one by one, delicately pronouncing each word so I can paint a picture of the scene in my head.
---

Jesus takes the disciples to Gethsemane, and then leaves them to go pray in solitude. He becomes overwhelmed with sorrow, and asks Peter and the two sons of Zebedee to keep watch on him.

Once he is parted from the disciples, he falls on his face and prays:

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." -Matthew 26:39
Whoa. Hold up. Let's read that again. "Yet not as I will, but as YOU will." Key word there? YOU. As in   "the Father" in this context.
Going back to the first sentence, Jesus is crying out to God asking Him to take the burden of sin off him. That's what the cup is. He is pleading for God to intervene in the moment so he won't have to suffer on Calvary.
But then he totally flips parallels in the second sentence. He surrenders himself and his plans, and gives ultimate control to God. He gives up his desires and feelings; they don't matter anymore. All that matters is the will of the Lord.
Jesus returns to the disciples and finds them sleeping. Then he goes back a second and third time and prays the same prayer. He is steadfast.
Then a large crowd of elders and priests, led by Judas, comes and arrests Jesus. His response? "Do what you came for, friend." -Matthew 2:50

Jesus is taken away. When he arrives before the Sanhedrin, he is questioned, threatened, beaten, and mocked. This continues until he is ultimately crucified on the cross. His suffering ends with nails impounded in his hands and feet, and a crown of thorns nestled on his head.
The end.
---
I return to the moment. Eyes washed with drops of tears and hands shaken, I close my Bible and clasp my hands together. I begin to think.
What a powerful story. Jesus emptied himself of ALL selfish desires and feelings.

Point to consider: Jesus REALLY didn't want to suffer. He begged his Father in heaven to spare him! He trembled and fell to the ground with sorrow. He was overwhelmed with sorrow; He did not want to die for humanity's sin.
But he did. He faced fear in the face. He surrendered himself to the plan God had already written. He let loose of all strings tying him to rebellion.

Jesus' reaction in the moments before he was arrested displays the best representation of sacrifice. Why?
1. He was carrying the sin of the ENTIRE world -- that's every human's sin that was, is, and was yet to come at the time. He held onto the weighty cup God placed on his shoulders and endured endless amounts of pain for the salvation of humankind.

2. It was Jesus. Jesus was created holy and perfect in the image of God -- conceived by the virgin Mary through the Holy Spirit. He was fully man and fully God at the same time. Although he was flawless and never sinned, he was "overwhelmed with sadness" at the fact of giving his life for the salvation of humankind. Even Jesus was troubled.

When I reflect upon Jesus' sacrifice, my worries and struggles become so much less significant. The things I'm dealing with are worth nothing compared to what Jesus went through. Yet, I still hold on to my worries and allow the enemy to keep speaking lies into my head. I remain a puppet of Satan, when Jesus was able to sacrifice his entire body and spirit for the ugliness of the world.
Why do I do this? Why can't I trust the Lord and give Him COMPLETE control of my life?
Fear and selfishness. Those are the two biggies. I'm afraid that if I follow God's plan for my life I won't get what I want, I won't make enough money, and I'll ultimately fail. I'm scared of altering my dream for God's Kingdom. This all ties back to this fact: As humans, we are so consumed with being the BEST. We want to get our hands on the fanciest set of wheels; we want to achieve the highest position at a well-paying job; we want to buy a huge house and everything that comes with it. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The list goes on and on. Our wants our infinite, and they can never be satisfied.

So, how can we pull away from this human phenomena of "me me me" syndrome and put our life plan in God's hands?
Let me go back to the Bible. Matthew 26:41: "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Jesus speaks this to the disciples when he finds them sleeping after his return.
I think this command can also apply to our lives. We need to be on constant alert for opportunities to be Jesus to people. We need to walk with the Spirit guiding our every motive and desire. We need to govern our thoughts with discernment and the authority of the Lord. Even though we are weak and fallen beings, we can OVERCOME our selfishness and fears with the Lord by our side. When we commit the little things, such as praying for 10 minutes a day; opening and closing your day with a Bible verse; and other such things to the Lord, He will totally speak through that. We should also think long-term and big picture, too. We should ask the Lord for eyes of love and compassion, so we see the goodness in others and can uplift them. We should speaks words of kindness and be humble in our actions. And lastly, glorify and praise the Lord with a grateful heart for everything He's already done, doing, and will be doing in the future!
That's how you start cutting the ropes off the devil's hold on you. You are no longer his puppet; instead, you become God's servant with His power overflowing through you.

Thirsty for Words

Holy bananas. The LORD is so good!

I know this is a silly way to start a blog, but I don't care. It's the hardcore truth. The Lord has been rocking my world lately.

Today as I was driving to work, I faded out the music and set my thoughts on the Lord. I started talking to Him like a normal human being. Hey Jesus, thanks for everything You are in my life. Thank you for delivering me, healing me, and loving me! My words are not adequate enough to express my gratitude for you. I rejoice in the wonders of Your Majesty!

Then the silence dawned on me for a moment or two. My speedometer read 70 MPH in the middle lane, and I shuffled over to the far left lane to get a little extra boost on the highway.
All of a sudden I was reminded of something my DLs had brought up in Lifecore a few weeks ago: Questions. The Lord loves it when we are curious and pursue after Him with a flock of questions. He likes when we turn to Him when we don't have the answers! And He doesn't ever judge us. You know the old saying your teachers bothered you with in elementary school? "There is no such thing as a stupid question!" Well that's exactly what God thinks. He loves being the source to our unknowns. It's not like He's going to reveal everything instantly in a flash of a second; God enjoys working in His timing. It all works out for our good in the end, anyway. :-)

So, questions, ehh? Oh boy. There are too many squeezed into my small spaghetti compartment of a brain. I am no smarter than the average human being. Yet, at the moment, my mind froze. I didn't know what to ask the Lord.
Sometimes in the moments when we're given the opportunity to confront our questions head-on we can't even muster up a word. That's how I felt. Brain dead in the seat of my car on I-94 between Maple Grove and Rogers.

Then I just sort of started rattling off stuff. Stuff that's been picking at my brain and causing me to catch a serious case of "wonderlust". God, how did you live a perfect and sinless life on Earth through your son Jesus Christ? What does it even mean to be Christ-like? Can I reflect your holiness in my human actions?
BAM. It hit me. Time to dig out God's Word. Time to ensue on a 30-day adventure in the New Testament reading about the life of Jesus. If I want to live more Christ-like, then I need to read about Him in order to get a tight grasp on His character. I need to page through the stories of Jesus healing the sick, speaking parables to the disciples, praying in the garden of Gethsemane... and on and on and on. I need to let my eyes and mind drink the words that detail His life here on Earth.
I realize that no matter how much I let a smile glisten on my face; no matter how much I bake goodies and make homemade gifts for people; no matter how much I invest in people's lives... I will always fall short of the glory of God. I will always fail somewhere along the lines. That one homeless man on the corner of the street holding up a cardboard sign with the words "Need Money For Food" scrawled across it -- I'll walk past him when I'm having a stressful and difficult day. I won't even look at him. Or maybe that friend I'll make a snarky remark to on a cumbersome day when my thoughts are scatterbrained.

I'm continuously making mistakes and failing in God's book. But I'm not dwelling on that. The Lord is a God of infinite forgiveness and compassion! He literally pours down showers of grace and mercy upon us. As Isaiah 1:18 says: "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow!" Now that's what you call some high quality stain remover. God's grace is ENOUGH. Jesus proclaimed, "It is finished!" on the cross and declared victory over every sin that ever was, is, and is to come.

And so I marvel at His wonders. I yearn after Him with a seeking and devoted heart, ready to challenge myself to be more like Him. I want to walk like Christ did 2,000 years ago.

Beauty of You

When I look upon the beauty of You
My heart is overwhelmed with the wonders of Your love
My spirit delights in You,
for You are my Hope and my Joy.


You bring peace in the battle
and heal me from my iniquities.
I am in awe of Your majesty.


Such a perfect image
A divine Jesus with no faults,
You are the definition of holy.
Your righteousness is a light to my dark path,
I find safety in the shadow of your wings.


You are beautiful, Lord
The holes in your hands where you were pierced on the day of your crucifixion,
Your mouth that proclaims words of hope to all men on the earth,
Your eyes that see the broken and lost in the world,
And your hands that give graciously to the needy and help the impoverished.


Although pictures depict You as a Jewish man
Dirt stains on Your face,
A nestle of thorns binding Your thick brown hair
And teardrops filling Your eyes,
It is only a mere representation of Your time on Earth.


You are the purest and most Holy One,
You wash away all my sins
and hold me close.
I cannot wait to kneel at Your throne when the day comes!


How amazing are you, Lord
Let showers of grace rain down
every time I gaze upon your beauty.
Give me a new glimpse of Your kingdom,
and let me rest in the freedom of your love. Amen.


[1/23/2011]