Reminiscing

The evening was coming to a close and I was just about to drop my friend off at his house for the night. I pulled my white Pontiac into his driveway, and all of a sudden we started reminiscing old memories from high school.

We talked about the dances, the parties, our teachers, relationships... all the juicy drama that was alive and running only two years ago. We spilled EVERYTHING.

As I was reflecting on everything that happened, both the good and the ugly, I started sketching an image of myself of who I was in high school.

The words that distinctly described me would be sweet, shy, innocent and sheltered.

I was the girl who hardly had an awareness of anything happening in my group of friends.

See, I hung out with the band geeks. I became part of the "clique" during 8th grade, and all through high school we had lockers next to each other and had parties at each other's houses.

I was kind of the outsider in the group, though. Especially when I started dating my football player boyfriend who was a year young than all of us in 11th grade.

As my friend and I chattered in my car about all the high school drama -- the break-ups, the hook-ups, the fights -- I realized how disconnected I was from everything happening. It made me a bit discouraged.

But as I was thinking about it later, the Lord spoke to me. He told me that all through high school he had me in this group of friends for a reason -- not to become "BFFs" with, but to keep me surrounded by people who wouldn't harm me or take advantage of me emotionally or physically. He knew the friends I associated with wouldn't remain in my life forever, but they would be people who I could trust. It was God's way of protecting me even while I was still at a distance from Him.

Now that I look back on it all, I praise the Lord and thank Him for everything He did to keep me under the shelter of His wings. Even through my first year of college, he held me tightly in His arms and surrounded me with a completely new support system of Christian friends and mentors. I was in a battle that only the place I was at could have survived it was in the community I was involved in.

It's crazy to look back on is how much I've grown from my freshman year of high school to my current stage of life. The Lord has totally transformed my heart in only six years.
My relationship with the Lord is secure.

My friendships with others are deep.

My passions have been revamped.

I am not the awkward, insecure girl I was at the start of my teenage years. God has delivered me from a broken relationship, mended my broken heart, and pulled me closer to Him than I've ever been before. I don't need to be the social butterfly who knows everything going on, and I can be okay with failure and weakness. Because my God is stronger than any trial or fear that comes against me. I can put my whole trust in Him and know that He has His arms wrapped tightly around me.

I was singing a worship song today, and the bridge went like this:

I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh my fail
My God you never will 

("Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship)

This is my anthem during this season of my life.

I am not who I once was. I have been made new.

Grocery Store

Ready, set, go! Grocery shopping time. You park the mini van in the parking lot and hustle in, list-in-hand and ready to dash through the aisles in record time. Immediately after the door opens, you grab a cart and scramble down the produce aisle. Finally, you make your way through the meat, deli, dairy and dry food departments until making your way into the checkout line.

You must be wondering why I've described such a well-known weekly activity among Americans. Almost every family does it, whether they bring their kids to cry through the whole experience or if it's just mom picking up a gallon of 2% milk after work so breakfast can still exist in the morning. Not much thought or emotion is put into the trip.

That's unless memories are carved into that place. When we are brought back to locations of our past, flashbacks slide through our minds of who we once were at that point in time and the chills start to run through our back.

Ambling through the aisles of the grocery store and being stared down by half of the employees automatically thrust those thoughts into my head. Just because I used to date one of the dairy boys.

Surroundings from our past have a keen ability to haunt us of "what once was". Although their appearance may change with time, the exact location does not. A capsule of time is ground into that portion of space.

If you've even gone back to your childhood home or your old elementary school, it would be a similar experience. You remember running through the sprinkler with your siblings on the lawn during the summer, or being put in detention in Mrs. Axel's classroom for two hours after school. Your mind becomes a roll of colored film.

Sometimes past experiences can be joyous and delightful; other times experiences can be painful and quarrelsome with our current self.

Such as times when we started ignoring a friend at school because they weren't "cool" enough for us anymore.

Or in our teenage years when we used to cut during the late hours of night in our room.

Or in the car at the park when we had sex with that guy.

Visiting these places in our past can be a deep struggle and bring a huge amount of regret.

But God didn't create us to live with a guilty conscience. His Son died on the cross so that we may be SAVED from our sin... our past.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

We are justified and redeemed through the blood of the Lamb. We have been made holy and righteous with Him! Nothing can separate us from the Lord. No lie. No failure. No sin. NOTHING.

This doesn't mean we are forever broken free from our past, however. God still allows us to walk through adversity and hardship so we can learn to put our full trust in Him and experience His grace abundantly.

If we didn't struggle with anything, then we wouldn't have any reason for a Savior.

All believers have some kind of junk on their plate. Whether it's presently visible or hidden in the shadows of the past, everyone has their secrets.

The thing that makes some stronger than others is how they deal with their junk. Do they give it to the Lord, or do they mope around with it all day, whining and complaining about their consistent failures?

When we hand our weaknesses over to the Lord, then His strength is made complete in those weaknesses. There's something mysterious and powerful about laying our sin down at the foot of the cross. The Lord picks it up, puts it on His shoulders, and with a smile He says, "Child, you have been made whole."

We don't need to compare ourselves anymore to the person we were in our past. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul writes that we have been transformed into a new creation!

Live in that truth. Allow the Lord to release you of your past burdens, and walk free knowing full well His furious and passionate love for you!

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31