Refined By Flames

During a worship gathering at my school last night, the Lord put an image on my heart: gold surrounded by the flames of a fire.

I began thinking about the meaning of the image.

I pictured the hands of a miner panning gold, his dirty blistering hands plunging a pan of sand and dirt into water and then shaking out the remnants of gold. Though the process may be gruesome and tiring, in the end the miner is left with pure gold.

Just like the gold being hidden amid piles of sand and dirt, as Christians, we were once blended in with the rest of the world. Then Jesus came and separated us from everyone else. He called us out to be his disciples.

But it doesn't stop there.

After gold is found by a miner, the miner brings it to a craftsman to be refined. The goldsmith places the gold in a crucible, and being held by tongs, thrusts the crucible into the flames to remove all of the impurities of the precious metal. After many times of being put in the flames, with temperatures in the thousands of degrees, the gold is finally made pure.

I couldn't stop thinking of how similar the process of refining gold is to our walk with the Lord.

Not only did Jesus choose us from the mess of the world, but he is constantly putting us in situations where we either have the choice to be refined or to walk away.

Take someone's death for an example. Recently at our school a former student passed away. It was a moment of grief for many students, but even through it those close to him chose joy instead of anger. They rejoiced because the student wasn't in pain anymore, and they didn't allow themselves to be overcome with despair.

This is a refining moment in the flames. As would many other circumstances, such as being stuck in a financial crisis or experiencing a break-up after a long-term relationship that you thought would lead to marriage.

How will you handle the flames that arise in your life? Will you flee, or will you remain and allow the Lord to mold your character into something more like Him?

1. The Lord takes us through struggles and pain for a reason. His ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of Christ, and the trials we encounter are designed to help us reach that goal. Trials develop godly character, and that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Romans 5:3-4)

2. The Lord also reassures us that those who call on His name during these times of trial will be answered. When we put our hope fully in Him, He will calm us during the storm and provide a way out in His timing. It may not happen right away, like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years, but He will work as what fits best in His plan for your life.

"I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'" (Zechariah 13:9)

There's no avoiding the pains and troubles that come with life on earth. However, we do have a choice about what we do when these troubling times hit. Choosing to trust in the Lord and abide in Him during the storm will give us the opportunity to grow more into the image of Christ.

And once we choose to put our hope in Him, the Lord will rid of us of all our impurities when we become fully SATURATED in His presence. Ask Him to ignite the flame in your heart that would gnaw away at any impurity hindering your from growing in your relationship with the Lord.

I Will Not Fear

(The most important part of this post is bolded; that's my story from this past Friday night.)
There's a really cool evangelistic opportunity at my school. It's called Encounter.
Every Friday night, students gather in one of the classrooms on campus to worship and pray for an hour. Then, at around 11:30 p.m., they hit the streets of downtown Minneapolis to get to know the people who are out partying and drinking. Their goal is to spread Christ's love through simple conversation, which ultimately can open doors for prayer and salvation.
I started going to Encounter during spring semester of my freshman year. In fact, it wasn't until the very last outing that I went. My friend Amy reeled me into it, saying that it was "so awesome." Yeah, I was terrified.
See, I had never been one to go out and evangelize, nonetheless walk around the streets of Minneapolis at night. I'm not a city girl. I come from a small town bordering the suburbs, so this experience would DEFINITELY push me out my comfort zone.
But I went. And, I liked it. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He sent me out on those streets that night. My partner and I were able to hear the life story of a guitar player near one of the clubs, and eventually we got to pray with him. It was incredible; nothing like I had ever experienced before.
That one night was a launching pad for my consistent attendance the following year. I started to feel a deeper love for the city and the people. I started to feel the brokenness enveloping the city, and God placed a passion inside of me to go and minister to that.
Fast forward a year. It's my junior year at North Central University, and this past semester I didn't go to Encounter very much. Instead, I was working late nights and early mornings on the weekends, so my body couldn't afford sacrificing a good night's sleep. The times I did go out were amazing, though.
And now it's the beginning of a semester. I quit my weekend job during winter break, which means Encounter is now something I can go to more often if the Lord leads me to it. Speaking of which, this past Friday I went out. And wow, was it mind-blowing. I want to share my story with you.
I was partnered with one of the leaders named Josiah and a new student named Gabi. We walked downtown and talked to quite a few people, but it wasn't until we reached Bar Fly that the main events of the night struck. Josiah started talking to a man, and as this was happening a drunk guy ambled off the street. Gabi and I said "hello" and started a conversation with him. Gabi was doing most of the talking, and as the the conversation progressed my eyes drifted off to the side. I saw a woman dressed in a long, puffy coat with a fur hood covered her head. Her face was buried in a white scarf, and you could barely see her pale brown face in the light. That's when I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit. So I walked up to her. I asked her how her night was, and she suddenly stopped, turned to me, and gave me a hug. I didn't know how to respond. She then pulled out four coins and asked me if I had $0.75. I said no, but I told her I could pray for her if she'd like. Immdiately she turned away and walked in the other direction. After that happened, I was able to talk and pray with the man she was with who was walking beside her. Then I moved back to Gabi's conversation with the drunk guy. I noticed on the other side of the bus stop (where we were standing) there were two police officers with a skankishly dressed girl. The drunk guy waltzed over to one of the officers and tapped his shoulder to use him as a metaphor in our conversation about the Bible. Suddenly, another officer appeared and told the drunk guy to leave the premises otherwise he could be arrested for interrupting a serious situation (the girl was intoxicated and the officers were trying to help her find her friends to get home). The drunk guy backed off, but it seemed as if the officer didn't understand, because he grabbed ahold of his shirt and shoved him against the glass wall of the bus stop. The man started yelling, and all of a sudden he was tackled into the street. Gabi and I had backed away by this point and had started to pray over the situation. We didn't know what was happening. After praying and meeting up with two other group members, the officers had left and the drunk guy had walked off in another direction. But the girl was still there, surrounded by two of her friends now. One of the friends left, and the other friend was on the phone. My attention grazed towards the intoxicated girl, however. She was seated on a bench, scrunched up with her hands covering her face. The Holy Spirit then nudged me over to them.
"Ladies, how are you doing? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," said the girl on the phone.
But I could tell not everything was fine. The intoxicated girl was dressed in a white blouse, a black mini skirt and black tights. I could tell she was freezing. So I asked her a question.
"Honey, are you cold?"
No response. Just a quick seat-shift to the side, and her hands motioning for me to sit down next to her. I sat down and offered her my coat, but her friend refused to have me give it to her. So I just hugged her, my arm wrapped around her cold, frail body.
She cuddled closer against me, and I could her hear whisper, "You're warm" under her intoxicated breath. It broke me.
The time went by, and after five minutes their ride came and the girl on the phone got up and helped her friend up. I then regrouped with the others who were standing nearby.
This is what I learned that night:
Sometimes following the lead of the Holy Spirit is uncomfortable. It will scare you out of your mind; it will draw you into places you'd never imagine going before.
But when you drop all your fear and uncertainty on the side of the road and say, "God, I will do WHATEVER you want me to do," that's when He accompanies you and fights for you.
That's what I had to do on Friday night.
I'll be transparent with you. I told you above that after my first experience with Encounter, I really started to like it. I've had amazing interactions with people on the streets, but all of these interactions have been primarily through the prompting of one of my partners. I've never sparked my own conversation with someone on the street. And, to add to that, I've never talked to a woman on the streets. Only men. That's my confession. My fear.
Or, should I say, old fear. On Friday night, I decided that I was done hanging out in the background. I decided I was done just following the lead of my partner, and not listening to the Holy Spirit while on the street.
I wanted to listen to the Holy Spirit, and I really wanted to talk to women.
Then God spoke to me. He told me that He would fight for me if I put my hope in Him. He would be my mouthpiece if my own words failed.
So I allowed God to use me. I allowed myself to become nothing so He could work through me. I was able to listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit, and I was able to talk to two women.
See, we are nothing without the power of Christ in us. I believe that to be so incredibly true. From the very roots of my relationship with the Lord I am dependent on Him. He was nailed to a cross so I could be redeemed, and by faith in Him, I am saved. That's my story.

Jumping Off A Cliff

The other night, I was having a conversation with my roommate and one of the girls we live next to. We sprawled down on the bright red carpet in our PJs and started talking about church, just as the clock striked midnight.
The girl who lives next door brought up the message her pastor gave in church earlier that morning. It was about the Apocolype, and it really caught my attention.
Trapped between phrases about such things as the mark of the beast and the rapture was a statement that stood out like an elephant in a room.
If God is calling you to something now, then why remain stagnant where you're at?
If Jesus was to come tonight, would you be satisfied with where you're at? Or would you be dissapointed because you didn't obey God's calling on your life?
I'm not trying to push any guilt on you, but this is a real question with serious results. Eternal results.
So, what are you waiting for?
Maybe you're waiting to pursue your dream. Maybe you're waiting to volunteer at church. Or maybe you're waiting to build a relationship with the people in your neighbordhood. Whatever it may be, my next question for you is WHY.
Why are you continuously waiting when you could drop everything you have now and go for it?
Obviously, there are factors.

1. Money. Money is probably the biggest game player in the decision-making field. In our society, people lock themselves into situations because of the dollar signs sprewn across everything.
2. People have a huge influence on us. And when I say "huge", I mean it. People have expectations of us and it's almost like we are living life as a puppet attatched to the strings people have placed on us. If we dissapoint someone close in our lives, then that would lead to emotional pain.
3. Another deal breaker is success. What if you don't succeed at following your passion? What if everything starts tumbling downwards and people don't support you? The thought of failure terrifies us.

But guess what?
In God's story for our life, these factors hardly play a role. God doesn't care if you're Bill Gates or living in the slums of New York. God doesn't pay attention to all the other voices screaming "no" at you. God won't be dissapointed in you if you mess up -- because FAILURE IS GOD'S WAY OF SHOWING THAT WE ARE BROKEN AND NEED HIM DAILY.
Our generation has become too comfortable with the satisfactory. We're scared of pursuing excellence because it would involve risk.
What we need to come to grasp is that God is the author of our life and His story for our life is perfect.
He is the one who created us in our mother's womb.
He is the one who held our hand as a child as we suffered abuse, rejection and loneliness.
He is the one who provided everything you have.
Right now, He is still walking alongside you. The Holy Spirit lives within each of us, and He will always PROTECT and LOVE you, through whatever circumstance comes your way.
Although God has given us freedom to choose our path, He knows that His calling on our life is best. We need to learn to trust God and not doubt Him.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." (Proverbs 3:5-8)
 

Even though it's so easy to fall victim to doubt, be strong and listen to God's voice.
Go ahead, jump off the cliff you've been standing on and dive into the place God is calling you to. The waters may be deep and unclear, but God will be by your side the entire time.
No, some of the things God tells us to do might not make sense. Logically, it may not make sense for you to drop out of school, travel overseas and build an orphanage in the place you feel that the Lord is calling you to. Where would you get to money to do that? Where you would stay? What if you aren't successful? These are some of the eerie thoughts that can creep into our minds when we picture ourselves where we feel like God is leading us.
Be strong in the Lord and stand up against the lies coming against you. Allow the Lord to be your shield that deters the attacks of the enemy.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psalm 18:2)
 

Whoever you may be, God has a beautiful and magnificent plan for your life. If you haven't discovered it yet, seek Him and He will reveal it in His timing. He loves you so much and would never lead you down a path of destruction.
Remember, when we give God the steering wheel of our life, then He will take us to places we could never imagine before. It's a completely exhiriating and risky experience, but in the end it's all worth it.

Grocery Store

Ready, set, go! Grocery shopping time. You park the mini van in the parking lot and hustle in, list-in-hand and ready to dash through the aisles in record time. Immediately after the door opens, you grab a cart and scramble down the produce aisle. Finally, you make your way through the meat, deli, dairy and dry food departments until making your way into the checkout line.

You must be wondering why I've described such a well-known weekly activity among Americans. Almost every family does it, whether they bring their kids to cry through the whole experience or if it's just mom picking up a gallon of 2% milk after work so breakfast can still exist in the morning. Not much thought or emotion is put into the trip.

That's unless memories are carved into that place. When we are brought back to locations of our past, flashbacks slide through our minds of who we once were at that point in time and the chills start to run through our back.

Ambling through the aisles of the grocery store and being stared down by half of the employees automatically thrust those thoughts into my head. Just because I used to date one of the dairy boys.

Surroundings from our past have a keen ability to haunt us of "what once was". Although their appearance may change with time, the exact location does not. A capsule of time is ground into that portion of space.

If you've even gone back to your childhood home or your old elementary school, it would be a similar experience. You remember running through the sprinkler with your siblings on the lawn during the summer, or being put in detention in Mrs. Axel's classroom for two hours after school. Your mind becomes a roll of colored film.

Sometimes past experiences can be joyous and delightful; other times experiences can be painful and quarrelsome with our current self.

Such as times when we started ignoring a friend at school because they weren't "cool" enough for us anymore.

Or in our teenage years when we used to cut during the late hours of night in our room.

Or in the car at the park when we had sex with that guy.

Visiting these places in our past can be a deep struggle and bring a huge amount of regret.

But God didn't create us to live with a guilty conscience. His Son died on the cross so that we may be SAVED from our sin... our past.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

We are justified and redeemed through the blood of the Lamb. We have been made holy and righteous with Him! Nothing can separate us from the Lord. No lie. No failure. No sin. NOTHING.

This doesn't mean we are forever broken free from our past, however. God still allows us to walk through adversity and hardship so we can learn to put our full trust in Him and experience His grace abundantly.

If we didn't struggle with anything, then we wouldn't have any reason for a Savior.

All believers have some kind of junk on their plate. Whether it's presently visible or hidden in the shadows of the past, everyone has their secrets.

The thing that makes some stronger than others is how they deal with their junk. Do they give it to the Lord, or do they mope around with it all day, whining and complaining about their consistent failures?

When we hand our weaknesses over to the Lord, then His strength is made complete in those weaknesses. There's something mysterious and powerful about laying our sin down at the foot of the cross. The Lord picks it up, puts it on His shoulders, and with a smile He says, "Child, you have been made whole."

We don't need to compare ourselves anymore to the person we were in our past. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul writes that we have been transformed into a new creation!

Live in that truth. Allow the Lord to release you of your past burdens, and walk free knowing full well His furious and passionate love for you!

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

False Identity

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever strong enough to tackle the things burning deep inside my soul.
I want to forgive...I want to fight social injustice...I want to breath the Word of God in my everyday life... The list goes on. I have a fiery, burning passion for the plans and desires the Lord has given me, but there's one thing that always ties me up: FEAR.
And it's not necessarily fear of the outcome. It's fear of the process.
I'm terrified that I'll become activated and start working towards a goal, and then fail halfway through. I hate it. In my weakness I crumble and beat myself up.
Let me share a Bible story with you. It's found in Numbers 13:26-33. This is the period in history after the Israelites have been released from Egypt, and the Lord calls on Moses to send out 13 spies into the land of Canaan. The men travel all over the land, and when they return, they report their findings to Moses. They tell him that the land is rich and fertile, but something is standing in their way: people who are stronger than they are. Also known as "giants".
All but two of the spies doubt that they will be able to take over the land. They fear that the Israelites will be overtaken again, and so they end up staying in their current location.
The two spies who go against the majority are Caleb and Joshua. Caleb's boldness in verse 30 astounds me:
“We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”
No one else, besides Joshua, has faith in this action. This leads to the Israelites becoming consumed by fear, which then leads to their wandering in the wilderness for 40 years.
The problem with the Israelites was fear of the road ahead -- specifically the giants. They knew in their hearts the Lord had a land promised to them, but when they were faced with road barriers, they faded into the shadows of fear. Fear became a huge weight on their shoulders preventing them from stepping out in faith and trusting that the Lord would give them The Promised Land.
But even more so, the Israelites were too comfortable in their identity as slaves. It became their reality in Egypt, and being set free was something totally new and bizarre to the Israelites. They didn't know who they were without Pharoah's control over them.
Many times, we don't know who we are when we are given the freedom to chase after our dreams. The Lord thrusts an opportunity in our path pointing towards our dream, but we ignore it because we are too afraid of it. We're too used to the "comfortable" life we're living -- going to school, working a part-time job, hanging out with friends on the weekends, etc. When something new comes our way that captures our interest, we become empowered and excited, but when we discover the sacrifices we'll have to make in order to add it to our plate, a lot of the time we stumble and back away.
We have become enslaved by our comforts. I'm not saying that being in a comfortable position in life is bad, but we need to find a balance between living comfortably and taking risks for God's Kingdom and letting Him lead our lives. We need to put our FULL trust in the Lord, and believe that His way is the best way. Even though He may guide us through valleys, hills, and rocky roads, the end is a beautiful and fertile valley, springing with rich fruit the Lord has planted for us.
We also need to understand fully who we are in Christ. As humans, we tend to develop highly personal beliefs about ourselves that define us. Many times these are negative, and they scream into our ears everything that's messed up with us. Instead of listening to our own judgment of ourselves, or the enemy speaking lies in our heads, we need to OVERCOME these misinterpretations with truth from Scripture. Our identity needs to be rooted in who God calls us -- His children (John 1:12), His friend (John 15:15), justified (Romans 5:1), redeemed and forgiven (Colossians 1:13-14), anointed (2 Corinithians 1:21-22), citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)... etc.
God did not create us to be wallflowers or benchwarmers. He did not create us to play it safe and live life in the "safe" zone. He created us in His image to spread the good news of the Gospel by taking bold steps of faith that blow our circumstances out of proportion.

3, 2, 1... Plunge: Here I Am, LORD!

Lord, I give you my heart.
I give you my soul.
Let this heart be Yours
and Yours alone. <3

THAT is my prayer. I desire the Lord so, so much.
Tonight we had a special Praise Gathering service for student leaders. I was so happy to return to a place where the Lord has truly done incredible things in my life. I've wept at that altar; I've prayed my heart out with my sisters and brothers in Christ; I've worshiped the Almighty God over and over again; I've heard messages that have literally changed me. So much has happened in that sanctuary. And I was back.
As for every PG I've gone to, I sat myself in the back right section. Alone. I like having that one-on-one intimacy with the Lord. The worship began, and the first song was "Let It Rain" by Delirious.

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change 
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready 
I know it’s time for heaven’s rain 
It’s gonna rain, yeah, yeah
Did I really feel that? Was I ready for an outpouring of the Lord into my heart and soul?
Yes. God showed up.
The Holy Spirit revealed Himself to me through a word that turned into an image. (That's how the Lord speaks to me, and I've only recently discovered it.)
The words were: RAIN DOWN. I scribbled it down in my journal and started drawing. Then I pondered what it meant. Rain down? Why the rain tonight? Am I lacking rain right now?
Then it hit me. Spiritual drought. That's what I'm in.
The Lord convicted me. Over break, there were moments when I had free time and I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me. The Lord wanted to spend time with me, but I shoved it aside. I filled that time with other things -- friends, blogging, T.V, etc. I ignored the Lord's knock on my door.
I realized tonight that over break, my spiritual branches and roots withered. The soil around me was full of big rocks, and it wasn't the rich and bountiful environment needed for the Lord to pour out his word into. I was a shriveling plant, and I needed the Lord so desperately.
I started identifying the rocks in my life, the distractions and secrets hindering me from giving myself fully to the Lord. Later tonight, I even saw a video of Kim Walker talking about worship. One of her comments stuck out: "Maybe the reason why you can't connect with the Lord as intimately as you want is because you have an offended heart. You need an unoffended heart." <3
Whoa. That hit me! I started sorting through my life. There are some things I haven't forgiven the Lord for and things in my sight that are stopping me from experiencing the full beauty and glory of the Lord's presence.
Confession time! During prayer tonight, I gave everything to the Lord. I let it all go, and kept yearning after him with a longing heart. I didn't stop asking the Lord for more and more of Him for at least a half hour. I WANTED Him with everything in my being. I couldn't muster up the tears, but I felt them in my eyelids. I was so incredibly desperate to hear the Lord. I felt like I could have been the blind man on the street who reached out and touched Jesus' cloaked.
That's all I really want, you know. The Lord. I only want Him in my life. Although I am fully human, I want to live fully in the Spirit as well. Just like Jesus did when He walked the Earth over 2,000 years ago. I want to be Christ-like. Really Christ-like. I want to operate constantly in the spiritual gifts He has given me with a heart of love and compassion, and I want all the glory to go to Him alone. That's my heart's only desire.
It's funny, because during leadership training, at least two of the people who spoke asked the question, "What do you want? What do you really want?" I wrote some stuff down, but in the end, it all really comes down to yearning after the Lord passionately with everything I am.
So what do you want? What has the Lord been telling you that you're ignoring? Do you want to see the Lord work in your life like never before? I know I do. And the step I need to take to get there is by giving all that I am to Him. Surrendering complete control so He can be my navigator. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's full of uncertainty. But who cares? With the Lord as your Guide, He will ALWAYS protect you and take care of you! That's why I'm taking a risk and jumping into the deep end with the Lord. Because if you stay in the shallow end, you're not going to go anywhere spiritually. You have to get out of your spiritual bubble and take risks. Trust that the Lord will take care of you in times of fear and uncertainty. Because that's when He does the biggest things and shakes mountains! ;-)

Puzzle Pieces

Uncertainty clouds my vision. I am blinded by a hazy fog, and I cannot find the way out of this maze. There are so many directions leading in various places. Hills, valleys, streams, mountains, plains, forests... Which path is the right path? I dare not step foot into one of these places until I know fully well that it's where I'm supposed to be. This is the scenario I find myself in. A handful of decisions staring at me in the face. The future of next semester is haunting. Where will I live? Where will I work? How will I maintain my ministry? Will I earn enough money to pay for tuition? I don't know what to do. I've spent hours thinking and putting efforts towards creating a plan for next semester, but I still lie in the shadows of the unknown. I've calculated all the numbers and figures of finances, but they all seem like a blur on the spreadsheet when I fix my eyes upon them. It's like the puzzle of my life has been torn apart, and all the pieces lie scattered on the old cement floor. I must pick them up, piece by piece, color by color, shape by shape. Affix them with one another again until they form the balanced, unified portrait of my life again.
God, give me strength. Give me wisdom. Give me guidance. Give me discernment. I believe if I seek after you, then you will provide me with all the right answers. Speak to me through your Word, your messengers, and your own voice. I believe that You will provide for me next semester and open up the right doors for me, and close all the wrong ones. I trust in You.
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
   my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
   my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
   Psalm 18:2