Don't be a Partial Follower

Tonight I was reading in 1 Samuel 15.
God sends out Saul to attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them, not sparing one human or animal.
In Saul's perspective, he obeyed what the Lord had commanded of him. He gathered and army and wiped out the Amalekites. However, he kept the king and the best of the sheep and cattle alive.
When the word of the Lord came to Samuel, he was very distressed. Samuel knew that Saul did not carry out God's instructions completely, and so he knew God would punish Saul for this. Samuel went to Saul and told him this, and when Saul received word that the Lord rejected him as king because of his partial obedience, he mourned and grieved deeply.
This is a powerful story of OBEDIENCE and what it means for us.
Maybe the Lord has instructed you to quit a job, end a relationship, move to a new city, or something else that would dramatically change your life. It's easy to listen to Him tell us his plans for our life, but it's an entirely different feeling to actually follow his plans.
Fear.
Worry.
Sadness.
I know I struggled with these feelings for the past few months. God had specifically told me to quit my first job -- the job I've had since my senior year of high school (that's 3 1/2 years) -- before I went back to school for spring semester this year. I hesitated with the thought of actually quitting my job. I was so cultured into that place, and comfortable. I had formed friendships that would last many years after leaving. I was scared.
Then God started wrestling with me. I started sharing my situation with a few of my friends, and they were all on God's side. No one told me to keep the job. This frustrated me.
It wasn't until one night when I was praying and journaling that it finally dawned on me: I needed to let go of this job in order to step into the new and bright future God had planned before me. I couldn't cling on to it secretly and pretend that God didn't see.
And, I couldn't hang on to the job for the summer and school breaks. Because that would only be obeying the Lord partially.
See, when the Lord instructs us to do something, we need to obey Him FULLY. It isn't enough to obey Him PARTIALLY -- even if it's 99% of what He's telling us to do, and ignoring the other 1%.
There are serious consequences if we don't obey His instruction completely. For Saul, he was rejected as king. Now that's a pretty big deal when you consider he was king over all of Israel, the Lord's people.
I challenge you to examine your heart, soul and mind and where they stand when making decisions to follow the Lord's plan for you life. Do you second guess yourself, or purposely get caught in a tangle of confusion, just so you can keep yourself in a comfortable position in life?
The Christian life isn't meant to be comfortable. It's meant to be reckless, adventurous and dangerous. Because even if the next step is uncertain, God has already memorized the entire path and will lead us along without fault if we put our entire trust in Him.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Prov. 19:21)

False Identity

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever strong enough to tackle the things burning deep inside my soul.
I want to forgive...I want to fight social injustice...I want to breath the Word of God in my everyday life... The list goes on. I have a fiery, burning passion for the plans and desires the Lord has given me, but there's one thing that always ties me up: FEAR.
And it's not necessarily fear of the outcome. It's fear of the process.
I'm terrified that I'll become activated and start working towards a goal, and then fail halfway through. I hate it. In my weakness I crumble and beat myself up.
Let me share a Bible story with you. It's found in Numbers 13:26-33. This is the period in history after the Israelites have been released from Egypt, and the Lord calls on Moses to send out 13 spies into the land of Canaan. The men travel all over the land, and when they return, they report their findings to Moses. They tell him that the land is rich and fertile, but something is standing in their way: people who are stronger than they are. Also known as "giants".
All but two of the spies doubt that they will be able to take over the land. They fear that the Israelites will be overtaken again, and so they end up staying in their current location.
The two spies who go against the majority are Caleb and Joshua. Caleb's boldness in verse 30 astounds me:
“We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”
No one else, besides Joshua, has faith in this action. This leads to the Israelites becoming consumed by fear, which then leads to their wandering in the wilderness for 40 years.
The problem with the Israelites was fear of the road ahead -- specifically the giants. They knew in their hearts the Lord had a land promised to them, but when they were faced with road barriers, they faded into the shadows of fear. Fear became a huge weight on their shoulders preventing them from stepping out in faith and trusting that the Lord would give them The Promised Land.
But even more so, the Israelites were too comfortable in their identity as slaves. It became their reality in Egypt, and being set free was something totally new and bizarre to the Israelites. They didn't know who they were without Pharoah's control over them.
Many times, we don't know who we are when we are given the freedom to chase after our dreams. The Lord thrusts an opportunity in our path pointing towards our dream, but we ignore it because we are too afraid of it. We're too used to the "comfortable" life we're living -- going to school, working a part-time job, hanging out with friends on the weekends, etc. When something new comes our way that captures our interest, we become empowered and excited, but when we discover the sacrifices we'll have to make in order to add it to our plate, a lot of the time we stumble and back away.
We have become enslaved by our comforts. I'm not saying that being in a comfortable position in life is bad, but we need to find a balance between living comfortably and taking risks for God's Kingdom and letting Him lead our lives. We need to put our FULL trust in the Lord, and believe that His way is the best way. Even though He may guide us through valleys, hills, and rocky roads, the end is a beautiful and fertile valley, springing with rich fruit the Lord has planted for us.
We also need to understand fully who we are in Christ. As humans, we tend to develop highly personal beliefs about ourselves that define us. Many times these are negative, and they scream into our ears everything that's messed up with us. Instead of listening to our own judgment of ourselves, or the enemy speaking lies in our heads, we need to OVERCOME these misinterpretations with truth from Scripture. Our identity needs to be rooted in who God calls us -- His children (John 1:12), His friend (John 15:15), justified (Romans 5:1), redeemed and forgiven (Colossians 1:13-14), anointed (2 Corinithians 1:21-22), citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)... etc.
God did not create us to be wallflowers or benchwarmers. He did not create us to play it safe and live life in the "safe" zone. He created us in His image to spread the good news of the Gospel by taking bold steps of faith that blow our circumstances out of proportion.

Thistles & Weeds

I'm curled up in a blanket on the empty bed in our room. It's kind of nice having extra space and a place to relax that's not my top bunk or my desk chair. Kinda like a temporary couch.
It's been a good past few days. The Lord has done some pretty cool stuff. And I've spent time with some wonderful people in my life. :)
During chapel yesterday, one of the favorite faculty members among the students spoke. His message was empowering, as always, and my journal became filled up with Bible verses and inspirational quotes. But I wasn't expecting to stay an entire hour after the service ended.
Usually, I stick around for maybe 20 or 30 minutes. Fridays are the famous "prayer and fasting days" at my school. I have an unwritten tradition: I sit cross-legged tightly between two rows of chairs and dig out my journal and Bible. I fill the pages with thought, whether it be words or pictures or anything my pencil is able to transmit onto paper from my mind. I am a sucker for writing.
As the minutes passed by, I found myself stuck on a question. What do I need to sacrifice in order to reach the full potential the Lord has for my life?
The speaker had mentioned this term "PURSUIT OF CHRIST". It ties back to Paul's message in Philippians 4:8: "I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (NIV). But that is the only the second half of this overwhelming term.
The first half? Forgetting what lies behind. A.K.A., getting rid of the junk and making more room for the Lord! This is essential in our pursuit for a deeper relationship with the Lord. If we truly desire to follow the Lord more passionately and surrender everything for His calling on our life, then we will be steadfast in repentance.
And take note, forgetting won't happen instantly. It's a process (thus, why the suffix "-ing" is important). We'll look back, reflect, forgive, and forgive, and then maybe the next day we'll pretend like it never happened. Our human nature is to dwell on the past and how it once was.
It doesn't have to be this way. You can be earnestly seeking after the Lord and resting your failures at His feet. He'll always pour out an abundance of grace on you and pull you back to Him. He'll always accept you, even if you continue to make mistakes.
So press on. Press on towards the call that the Lord has given you!
My dream (or call) is to go overseas and fight world hunger alongside a nonprofit ministry such as Feed My Starving Children. I don't intend on stopping anywhere short of this vision. I will keep pushing, no matter what I have to do, to get there. I will listen to the Lord's voice and let Him guide my steps.
But I must get past this first step: releasing myself from the things binding me to the world. Although the Lord took me through a season of restoration this past semester, there are still things blocking me from reaching the Lord's plan for me. Barricades are stamped on my path, and I need the Lord's help to push them aside.
Two of the biggest obstacles now? I'm going to be vulnerable with you and tell you.
1. Nurturing a hate for others. I suffer from a serious case of judging others based on their outer appearance and attitudes. I also blame other people if they aren't friendly to me in public.
2. Finding my identity in guys and not the Lord. I yearn for their attention in order to keep up my happiness. I find satisfaction in talking and spending time with guys more than girls.
This is my current junk. The nasty stuff clogging my path from a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord. It has to go. I need to toss it in the trash and say "goodbye" to it. It's time to love others with a real, Christ-like love and find my identity in the Lord. I am a beloved bride of Christ and He has created me wonderfully and beautifully!
I looked up at the clock at 1:00 p.m. with my mind flustered in thought. Whoa God, you've been tugging at stuff in me. I unveiled truths that need to be re-instilled into me. Daily. I need to foster a healthy environment in order to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. If I continue to walk through a path of thistles and weeds, then I won't be able to fulfill my calling for the Lord. So I will learn how to surrender; I will learn how to give; I will learn how to seek after the Lord passionately. And I will never stop, even if my path does become totally clear.