Before You Walk Into The Desert

Last weekend I participated in missionary training for my 3-month trip to Thailand this summer. For those of you who don't know, I will be a journalism intern with Venture Expeditions working to share the story of their work with the impoverished children at their HOSEA Center and the Karen refugees on the border of Burma.

I have been learning about Thailand for the past six months, mostly due to observing the culture at a Thai Christian church that I started attending to fulfill a service learning project one of my classes required last semester. Besides learning about the language, nonverbals, rituals and other aspects of the culture, I have been exposed to the reality of Buddhism.

One day my group partner and I visited a Buddhist temple and were able to question three Thai monks for an hour-and-half. It was the most surreal experiences I've had, and I was still in America. What would it be like when I was actually in Thailand?

I was starting to get answers to that question at the missionary training weekend. As the youngest person at the training, a 21-year-old college student who had never ventured outside of North America, my worldview was the least tapered with. The eight other individuals had been to Thailand for at least three months. I began soaking in all of their knowledge -- specifically that to do with Buddhism. The following are little nuggets of wisdom I gained.

If you want to know the power Buddhism has over Thailand, ask any Thai person and they will tell you this: "To be Thai is to be Buddhist; to be Buddhist is to be Thai." Right now, almost 94% of Thailand is Buddhist, according to the CIA World Factbook. Only 1% of the country is Christian.

Because of the power Buddhism has over the nation, there are strong spiritual forces of evil that roam the land. One of the ladies training me was sharing a story of her experience growing up in Thailand as a missionary kid. Every night her dad would anoint the doors of their home with oil and pray over them, but there were still nights where her and her siblings experienced nightmares. The woman who had previously owned the home would come back and speak enchantments into the bushes at night, unleashing dark spiritual forces that would frighten the children.

She also shared the story of a Buddhist woman her dad and two other missionaries were trying to drive a demon out of. The demon had such a strong possession of the woman, that it could physical move the missionaries away from the woman's body by force.

I'm not sharing these stories to scare you; I'm telling you these stories to expose you to the reality of the spiritual realm. We live in a world of both good and evil powers, from God and satan accordingly.

In America we tend to purposely ignore the spiritual realm. We water down spirituality to the point that the spiritual world and the physical world are completely separate in our culture. It's even to the point where spirituality has become almost invisible to society. This is uncommon in many other cultures, like the Thai culture I described above. Most cultures integrate religion into their work, family, relationships and other hobbies. In America we have freedom of religion, yet children are not allowed to pray in schools and church is viewed as a building instead of a lifestyle.

What if we were to live as the body of Christ as the early church did? Acts 2:42-47 provides a beautiful model for meshing the spiritual realm with the physical realm.

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

What I love about this is that the early Christians met every day together to worship the Lord, and they shared their belongings with one another. They lived life in true COMMUNITY.

So what does this have to do with facing the evil  powers of the spiritual realm? Because the early Christians were daily soaking in the Word, praying, and affirming each other in their identity in Christ, they were able to go out and make disciples of every nation. Abiding translates into fruit. As John 15:5 puts it, “I (Christ) am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

I'm learning how to abide. In fact, I have been for almost an entire year now. One year ago now, the Lord taught me what community is. He brought in five people who would become my second family. Through sharing our testimonies and weaknesses with other, we were able to pray for each other and build each other up in Christ. Each of us overcame something great during this season, and I know we each wouldn't have been able to overcome it if it weren't for the community that was in place.

But now is a different season. I still have my second family, but we aren't as tight-knit as we once were.  School, jobs and other commitments have inched us slowly away from each other.

Honestly, it's been a difficult thing for me to grasp. I love each one of my second family members dearly, and spending time with them all together is my favorite thing in the world. The Lord taught me so much through them, and He still is.

But this time He's teaching me to let go. He's teaching me that I can't always depend on others to build my faith. Yes, community is vital, but there are seasons that come when we walk through deserts and we will need to know how to stand alone. Just like Jesus' 40-day stay in the desert where he encountered temptation from satan.

That's what Thailand is for me this summer. A desert. I will be jumping on a plane and flying over the ocean to a place I've never been before. Alone. Yes, I will have social media and email to communicate with others, but I won't have my second family, my church family, my other friends or my biological family there with me. I will be working with people I've never met before in a spiritual dark country. That is why the importance of ABIDING is so crucial to establish in my life now.

I think Ephesians 6:10-18 is the backbone for our faith as Christians, and includes the discipline of abiding. The famous passage lists the armor of God, including: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, and prayer in the Spirit. It is through these weapons that the evil spiritual forces are destroyed.

This summer I will be on the front lines of a battle. The enemy will be ready to attack whenever He gets the chance. If I am not rooted in the Word and prayer, and if I don't put on my spiritual armor every morning when I wake up, then I will stumble and fall.

Because the truth is that the enemy knows our weak points. He knows exactly where to hit us, which is why it's so important to put on EVERY piece of spiritual armor (not just a select few). If we aren't prepared, then the enemy will have his way.

Let us learn how to abide now, in the place of abundance. Because when the desert comes, then we will know how to stand.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4)

God In A Gas Station

Two days ago, two of my friends and I hit the interstate for an 8-hour road trip. Our long journey consisted of bonding through worship, prayer, eating at Jimmy John's and listening to a sermon by Francis Chan. Our destination? The one and only IHOP -- and that's not the pancake house, ladies and gents. That's the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO that hosts 24/7 prayer services. The three of us were stoked.
We arrived in KC around 7 p.m. and dropped one of our friends off at a high school to meet the family she would be staying with this week. Afterwards, my friend Kayla and I had no plans. We were free to do what we wanted for the rest of the night.
After a quick look at the gas level-ometer, we noticed the little arrow was close to hitting the red "E." We decided that a gas station would be the next stop in our night of spontaneity.
Little did we know that the stop would last more than an hour-and-a-half.
After leaving the high school parking lot, we immediately drove past a gas station to our right. Oops, our conversation had distracted us from making the turn. Luckily, there was a gas station only a quarter of a mile up the road under the bridge to the free way. We pulled in to the Phillipps 66 gas station at around 7:15 p.m.
Once pulling up to the pump, Kayla and I decided that I would pay for gas because she had paid for it on the way down. After retrieving my wallet, I noticed that the slot for my debit card was empty. "Shoot, I must have kept it in my other wallet," I said.
Thankfully, I had a $20 bill in my wallet so I gave it to Kayla to pay for as much gas as we could. Kayla walked into the gas station and pre-payed, while I stood out in the cold waiting to fill up. After some confusion of doing pre-pay (I had only done it once before), we were able to get the car half-filled. Good enough for now.
Kayla then contacted one of her friends in KC to hang out with. We were planning on going to Chipotle, when all of a sudden her iPhone died and thus had no way of navigating to the restaurant. I didn't have GPS on my phone, so we were stuck until her phone charged up again.
Kayla plugged her phone charger into the USB outlet in her radio, but the battery didn't charge.
Okay God, now what? We have no way of finding Chipotle and we don't even know what state we're in (KC is on the border of Kansas and Missouri, so we were clueless which side of the state line we were on.).
We decided to walk into the gas station and ask if they had an outlet we could use to charge Kayla's phone. Two clerks were at the desk: an older man probably in his late 50's, and a young girl who looked like she was in her early 20's. They both directed us to the women's bathroom, where we found an outlet next to the sink.
After plugging in Kayla's phone, we started talking about what we were going to do next. It was soon brought up that one of us should check on the car to make sure it was still safe, since the two of us were going to be in the bathroom for a while charging the phone.
I went out to the lobby and checked on the car, and just as I was about to turn back and walk to the bathroom, the two clerks asked if the outlet was working. I said yes, and they both asked where we were heading that night. I told them we were going to Chipotle and needed the GPS to work. The young girl started explaining how to use the Maps feature on an iPhone, and soon enough she sprung out from behind the counter and followed me into the bathroom to show us how it functioned (even though we already knew how it worked).
Three girls in a bathroom: two girls going to IHOP, and one gas station clerk. It couldn't have been more God-orchestrated. Read what happened next.
Kayla and I told the girl that we were headed to IHOP, and not surprisingly, she asked us what that was. We told her it was a prayer house that has live music 24/7. She was amazed by this and asked more. We showed her the live stream on Kayla's iPhone, and she seemed really curious.
We then began explaining to her why we were there and where we were from. She asked us what the two of us wanted to do when we grew up, and when Kayla told her she was going to be a youth pastor, the girl became really interested.
I don't know how all the pieces connected exactly, but eventually Kayla spilled her entire testimony and the girl ended opening up to us about her life.
The girl had grown up going to church when she was younger, but as a teenager she drifted away from the "religious" scene and got hooked into partying and dating other girls. She also told us about her difficult relationship with her mother.
What was interesting is that the night we visited was the girl's last day of work at the gas station. In three days, she was moving to Colorado with her half-brother to begin a new life. It was definitely a turning point for her in her life.
Throughout the conversation, which lasted over an hour, we continued telling her how much the Lord loved her and that He has a plan for her life. She was full of questions and eager to learn more about our faith. Every now and then I noticed a slight grin on her face, and it was amazing seeing the transformation taking place.
She didn't end up giving her life to the Lord, but we were able to pray with her at the end.
We laid hands on her inches in front of a sink in a gas station bathroom. God truly does work in the most unusual of places.
That hour-and-a-half couldn't have been more perfectly arranged.

• If I would have had my debit card, we wouldn't have gone inside to pay.
• If Kayla's phone hadn't died and then decided to work, then we wouldn't have gone in and had to use the outlet in the women's bathroom.
• If I hadn't gone and checked on our car, the girl wouldn't have followed me into the bathroom.

God seriously uses the most hopeless and frustrating moments for His glory sometimes. It's puzzling and beyond comprehension -- but it's SO worth every flustered moment, tear and grumble.
So whenever you find yourself in the midst of a situation that seems utterly hopeless, don't lose hope. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and your hope anchored in Him. Even when you feel like giving up, the Lord always has a way out and will use the most inopportune moments (in our human eyes) to show His glory.
Remember this truth that Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

God works in the middle of our mishaps. He doesn't expect perfection; all he requires is a heart that is willing and obedient to His voice, even in the midst of confusion and pain.
He turns our frustrations into moments for His glory to shine when we obey Him.

A Sudden Ache

I was reading a news story today about how extreme monsoon flooding in northeast India has displaced nearly 2 million people. I was utterly shocked at the amount of damage; over 60 people are dead and it is one of the worst disasters this region has seen in over a decade.

After becoming informed about the disaster, my thoughts began to race into action.
What can I do to help? These people have lost all hope. I need to jump on a plane and provide food and water for them.

Complete nonsense. I can't afford a $1,000 plane ticket to India, nonetheless can I simply stop working and spend a month in a foreign country with no place to stay.

Sometimes our instantaneous desires are out of the question.

But God reminded me of something as I pondered this idea.

"You can PRAY."
That's what He said, clear in my head. The wheels in my brain stopped for a moment.

So, I can say a little prayer, and that will be enough? I don't need to do anything else?

First off, no prayer is "little." No matter how short it is and no matter if you use 1st grade vocabulary without the big fancy words.

God hears every prayer shouted, spoken, whispered, and said silently in your head.

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy." (Psalm 116:1)

Secondly, God doesn't call us to solve every hurt and need on the planet. Our hearts may ache to help those who suffer and have experienced great loss, but before our foot takes one step ahead of our hearts we must ask the Lord if it is the right path for us. And while we do that, we must pray continuously and passionately for the situation we empathize with.
God has a very specific plan for every one of us, but one thing he calls each of us to is prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

Next time you read about a horrible event in your state or halfway across the world, do not be discouraged if you cannot help out. God has you in the season and place you're in for a reason; embrace that and be prayerful on all occasions.

White Lines

There's a man named Hezekiah in the Bible. His father, King Ahaz, was an evil ruler. He sacrificed Hezekiah's brothers to false gods, closed up the temple, and led people in idol worship.

When Hezekiah became the new king at 25-years of age, he had a long history of dysfunction and rebellion behind him. He had to choose whether or not to follow in the footsteps of his forefathers or set a new path for Israel.

"[Hezekiah] did what was right in the eyes of the Lord." (2 Chronicles 29:2)

Hezekiah made huge alterations when he stepped in to rule Jerusalem. He reopened the doors of the temple, gave burnt offerings to the Lord, and essentially brought all of Israel back to the Lord.

What made him different than the kings before him?

He had faith.

He was a prayer warrior.

Hezekiah didn't allow himself to be trapped by his past -- he took a bold step of faith and followed the Lord, even though the crowd before him was going the opposite way!

Just like Hezekiah, you may have a long line of dysfunction in your family. Maybe there are drunkards, drug addicts, and sex offenders. Maybe all your grandparents, aunts, and uncles have gotten divorced. Maybe it's less serious; maybe there's just a lot of bitterness and hard hearts present.

Whatever the depth of the problem, the Lord is greater than it. He wipes away all of our history and makes us NEW.

So what do we do now?

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Keep praying. It may take years, even decades, for a mountain of brokenness to crumble. But know this: PRAYER MOVES MOUNTAINS.
Keep praying fervently and passionately for your family like Hannah did when she cried out to the Lord for a son. If you really want something, the Lord will give it to you!

 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

Also, be patient with your family members! When argument sparks, don't be one to spread the flames of conflict.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Lastly, be hopeful and excited for the new adventure God can take you on when you allow Him to guide your path. Giving up our own plans can be painful, but being obedient to God's plan can bring you to even bigger and brighter places than you could ever imagine! 

The scribbly white lines of brokenness, ugliness and failure that have been etched across your chalkboard don't have to stay anymore. Let God erase your past and allow him to be the author of your new life in Him!

Broken

I wasn't expecting it; I didn't want to feel it. But obviously God had a different plan.

It was a week-and-a-half ago on a Friday night. Every Friday night, a student-run casual street evangelism outreach at my school -- called Encounter -- walks to the Block E district of Minneapolis to talk and pray with people who are partying and drinking at the clubs. I got involved with the ministry last year, and have been going ever since. I've probably been to at least a dozen Encounters.

This Friday was different. I was hanging out with my friend Becka in Uptown before meeting up for prayer at 10:00 p.m. We were walking down to The Beat, and all of a sudden I started feeling pains in my stomach. It couldn't have been the food I had eaten earlier, and I hadn't been sick all day. Despite the continuous pains, I kept walking until we got to The Beat. By the time we left, the pains had gotten worse, but they were still bearable. I hopped into Becka's car and drove back to school. We met up with the rest of the group at 10:30 p.m.

During worship and prayer, I began pacing back and forth in prayer, and then squatted down against the wall with my hands covering my face. The pains had become excruciating. I was almost in tears.

Lord, why am I feeling this way? I don't understand; I've never felt this way before Encounter.

Typically during Encounter, I feel empowered and filled with the Holy Spirit to go out on the streets and love on the lost sons and daughters of the Father. This night I felt the opposite. I was hurting and torn, totally unprepared to go out (as I thought).

Jake gathered the entire room in a circle for corporate prayer. He asked how everyone was doing and if the Lord was speaking to them, and I couldn't hold back. The burden was overwhelming. As I started to explain how I felt to my sisters and brothers in Christ, I started tearing up. I was surrounded by the loving arms of my dearest sisters in Christ. One of them approached me and told me that the pain I was feeling was for the people we were about the encounter on the streets.

Yes, of course! That makes sense. But why?

I started to grasp why the Lord was sharing a bit of His brokenness with me, but I didn't know how it would change my perspective -- until we reached the darkest corners of downtown Minneapolis.

We arrived in the Block E around midnight. My partner Becka and I walked to First Ave. right away. There was a heavy presence of spiritual darkness we could sense over the venue. We started to pray at a street corner for the brokenness we saw. After 10 minutes of prayer, we walked to the light rail platform near Sneaky Pete's. We sat down on a bench and "people watched" while continuing to pray in the Spirit for the Lord's lost sheep surrounding us.

A small thin girl wearing a tiny gold dress was sitting across from us with two men. The men kept harassing her, and she kept swearing at them all the while still letting them say these rude things to her. The group was obviously drunk, but it was still incredibly difficult to watch the girl receive this kind of treatment. There were similar situations everywhere we looked.

This Friday night was a night of prayer. We didn't get to talk to anyone about the Lord, but the Lord shared a piece of His heart with us. He specifically spoke to me about the unconditional and powerful love He has for His people.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

God's love is INCREDIBLE. What sticks out to me in this verse is the extent God's love goes for us -- He sacrificed His only Son for us on a tree!

The death of Jesus Christ is the ultimate symbol of true love. He died for all the sins of humankind that were in the past, and were to come in the future! Every. Single. Sin.

This kind of love is immeasurable to human standards. No man can even love His wife this much. Although we can earnestly seek after the Lord and desire after His heart, we will always fall short of true love.

Just imagine the pain and the brokenness the Father feels for his lost sons and daughters who are still in the shadows. He groans at the thought that they have turned their backs from Him; Satan has literally shielded their eyes with a veil preventing them from seeing the glory of the Lord. Only God Himself can tear the veil!

But guess what? The Lord tore the veil on the night of Jesus' death.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." - Matthew 27:51

That means the Lord can rip apart the veil blocking every person's soul and spirit from experiencing the love of the Father! The Lord loves His sons and daughters -- for they were created in His very image (Genesis 1:27). He is jealous for them and pursues after them, but we as believers MUST be willing to obey the Lord and the calling He has placed on our lives in order for them to come home to the Father. We must "go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation" (Mark 16:15). This involves two major things:

1. Sharing the Good News to the lost people of the world with love and compassion.

2. Prayer.

As the night concluded on Friday, the burden started to drift away from my heart. I started to feel relieved and more at peace -- but only because I responded to the message the Lord was speaking to me. He showed me His brokenness and compelled me to stretch myself even more as I share the good news with the people I bump into on a day-to-day basis.

Just Be

Last week was Spring Break at my college. Instead of spending my week with family or basking in the rays on a white sand beach in Florida, I spent five full days with five beautiful ladies in Wisconsin. We stayed in a cabin about 30 minutes across the Minnesota border hidden in the depths of a grove of pine and birch trees, among patches of prairie land.

During our Monday-through-Friday stay in the cabin, we fellowshipped with one another and prayed for the missions trips from our school that went out into the world to serve. The three teams traveled to LA Dream Center, Asia and France. Our days typically consisted of individual prayer/journaling in the mornings, and corporate prayer and worship in the late afternoons and nights.

One huge thing the Lord taught me during this trip is that I have the authority in the name of Jesus over any situation. The Lord showed me this after being spiritually attacked the first two days. The enemy kept telling me I was worthless, and was taking advantage of the insecurity he loves to entertain me with. In our prayer circle on Tuesday night, I kept wrestling between the lies the devil was thrusting in my head and the truth I KNEW I needed to shout out. Then I just did it. I let it out. "Lord, I will not hold back anymore!" I proclaimed it and broke down in tears. But I felt spiritually released. I denounced the control the enemy had on me and declared victory in the name of Jesus! Fear CAN be eliminated. Doubts are NO MORE. The Lord already won the victory, and all we need to do is re-present that victory on Calvary! Isn't that awesome?

The rest of the trip was all a bit hazy to me in the moment. I asked the Lord to speak clearly to me, and He gave me this verse in the Old Testament. It is Samuel's response to the Lord calling on him for the third time in the temple:

     "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." -1 Sam. 3:10

Then I remembered: One way the Lord speaks to me is through my writing! So, I dug out my pen started scribbling. I wrote until I filled 24 pages in my journal with verses, pictures, thoughts and prayers.

After sifting through all that content, I discovered one common theme and one thing I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE IS BEING WITH JESUS.

"being" - this word carries so much depth! Check out how dictionary.com defines it. I love the first definition listed:

     1. to exist or live

Isn't that profound when you apply it to my revelation? Let me re-write it with the new meaning. "The most important thing in your life is existing and living with Jesus." Doesn't that make it so much more real? Jesus is walking side-by-side with me, everywhere I go, doing everything I do with me. Even if I slip and fall. Literally NOTHING can separate me from the Lord! He is my Father and Friend. He's actually there, and I need to make an effort to spend time with Him and live my life in COMPLETE devotion to Him!

Devotion is simply worship, and worship comes in many forms. It is not merely a band on stage during Sunday morning church service singing the overplayed Hillsong and Jesus Culture songs. It is music, prayer, reading Scripture, journaling, crafting... The list is endless on the ways you can worship the Lord! All that it requires of you is that you do it in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. And your posture during worship needs to express the genuine condition of your heart.

What it all boils down to is this: Let go and let God.

One way to do this is to just stop for a second. Turn off that cellphone and shut your laptop; sit for a moment in silence. As Psalm 46:10 puts it, "Be still and know that I am God." Think about that. The Lord is directly asking us to tune down our busy lives and turn our eyes and our hearts to Him! I love how Peggy Kendall describes it, too: "Disconnect with your culture and reconnect with your Maker." That should be the basis for our everyday lives.

I challenge you. Slow down your wheels, even hit the breaks, and reflect on your life. Is your life rich, deep and purposeful, or is it just a cheap substitute? What are you missing because you're too busy? What can you surrender to the Lord in order to see Him in the 24 hours of your day?

Don't become too busy FOR the Lord that you don't have time to be WITH Him. Make your relationship with the Lord real. It may be messy, but guess what? That means it's a good relationship! Sit in His presence and just listen for His still, small voice. Because that changes everything. :-)

The Devil's Puppet

10 o'clock on a Wednesday night. The spacious room is dimly lit with college-aged students scattered throughout the aisles on both the ground level and balcony. The stage floor illuminates the spotlights off the glossy wood floor, reflecting a magnificent grand piano in its shadows. About nine minutes past the hour, a girl walks up on stage with a microphone in hand. She opens her heart and shares what God has placed on it, and gives the next two hours over to a girl on piano. The soft, melodic notes resonate off the large paneled walls and drift throughout the sanctuary to the darkness looming in the back. Voices cry out to the Lord; hands protrude into the air; songs of praise among soprano, alto, tenor, and bass blend together; whispers bounce back between brothers and sisters of Christ. It is the most intimate experience between a believer and the Lord.
I scrunch myself up between two rows of chairs, my back resting against the rough cloth and my barefoot feet clinging to the carpet. I hug my legs and bury my face into my arms.
I begin to talk to the Lord. I talk to Him like a normal human being, nothing fancy. Hey God, I'm here. I've had a rough week, but I'm ready to be refreshed and start anew. What do you want to say? My ears are open.

I listen. Still, the same voices and music consume my hearing. I dodge off the distractions that knock on my mind. I want to stay focused on the Lord.
Then the image pops into my head. Jesus praying at the garden of Gethsemane before his arrest.
I dig out my Bible and flip the pages to Matthew, where I thumb through each headline (I haven't memorized the New Testament). After a minute or two, my eyes rest upon the passage in Matthew 26. The scene of Jesus' arrest.
I mouth the words, one by one, delicately pronouncing each word so I can paint a picture of the scene in my head.
---

Jesus takes the disciples to Gethsemane, and then leaves them to go pray in solitude. He becomes overwhelmed with sorrow, and asks Peter and the two sons of Zebedee to keep watch on him.

Once he is parted from the disciples, he falls on his face and prays:

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." -Matthew 26:39
Whoa. Hold up. Let's read that again. "Yet not as I will, but as YOU will." Key word there? YOU. As in   "the Father" in this context.
Going back to the first sentence, Jesus is crying out to God asking Him to take the burden of sin off him. That's what the cup is. He is pleading for God to intervene in the moment so he won't have to suffer on Calvary.
But then he totally flips parallels in the second sentence. He surrenders himself and his plans, and gives ultimate control to God. He gives up his desires and feelings; they don't matter anymore. All that matters is the will of the Lord.
Jesus returns to the disciples and finds them sleeping. Then he goes back a second and third time and prays the same prayer. He is steadfast.
Then a large crowd of elders and priests, led by Judas, comes and arrests Jesus. His response? "Do what you came for, friend." -Matthew 2:50

Jesus is taken away. When he arrives before the Sanhedrin, he is questioned, threatened, beaten, and mocked. This continues until he is ultimately crucified on the cross. His suffering ends with nails impounded in his hands and feet, and a crown of thorns nestled on his head.
The end.
---
I return to the moment. Eyes washed with drops of tears and hands shaken, I close my Bible and clasp my hands together. I begin to think.
What a powerful story. Jesus emptied himself of ALL selfish desires and feelings.

Point to consider: Jesus REALLY didn't want to suffer. He begged his Father in heaven to spare him! He trembled and fell to the ground with sorrow. He was overwhelmed with sorrow; He did not want to die for humanity's sin.
But he did. He faced fear in the face. He surrendered himself to the plan God had already written. He let loose of all strings tying him to rebellion.

Jesus' reaction in the moments before he was arrested displays the best representation of sacrifice. Why?
1. He was carrying the sin of the ENTIRE world -- that's every human's sin that was, is, and was yet to come at the time. He held onto the weighty cup God placed on his shoulders and endured endless amounts of pain for the salvation of humankind.

2. It was Jesus. Jesus was created holy and perfect in the image of God -- conceived by the virgin Mary through the Holy Spirit. He was fully man and fully God at the same time. Although he was flawless and never sinned, he was "overwhelmed with sadness" at the fact of giving his life for the salvation of humankind. Even Jesus was troubled.

When I reflect upon Jesus' sacrifice, my worries and struggles become so much less significant. The things I'm dealing with are worth nothing compared to what Jesus went through. Yet, I still hold on to my worries and allow the enemy to keep speaking lies into my head. I remain a puppet of Satan, when Jesus was able to sacrifice his entire body and spirit for the ugliness of the world.
Why do I do this? Why can't I trust the Lord and give Him COMPLETE control of my life?
Fear and selfishness. Those are the two biggies. I'm afraid that if I follow God's plan for my life I won't get what I want, I won't make enough money, and I'll ultimately fail. I'm scared of altering my dream for God's Kingdom. This all ties back to this fact: As humans, we are so consumed with being the BEST. We want to get our hands on the fanciest set of wheels; we want to achieve the highest position at a well-paying job; we want to buy a huge house and everything that comes with it. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The list goes on and on. Our wants our infinite, and they can never be satisfied.

So, how can we pull away from this human phenomena of "me me me" syndrome and put our life plan in God's hands?
Let me go back to the Bible. Matthew 26:41: "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Jesus speaks this to the disciples when he finds them sleeping after his return.
I think this command can also apply to our lives. We need to be on constant alert for opportunities to be Jesus to people. We need to walk with the Spirit guiding our every motive and desire. We need to govern our thoughts with discernment and the authority of the Lord. Even though we are weak and fallen beings, we can OVERCOME our selfishness and fears with the Lord by our side. When we commit the little things, such as praying for 10 minutes a day; opening and closing your day with a Bible verse; and other such things to the Lord, He will totally speak through that. We should also think long-term and big picture, too. We should ask the Lord for eyes of love and compassion, so we see the goodness in others and can uplift them. We should speaks words of kindness and be humble in our actions. And lastly, glorify and praise the Lord with a grateful heart for everything He's already done, doing, and will be doing in the future!
That's how you start cutting the ropes off the devil's hold on you. You are no longer his puppet; instead, you become God's servant with His power overflowing through you.

3, 2, 1... Plunge: Here I Am, LORD!

Lord, I give you my heart.
I give you my soul.
Let this heart be Yours
and Yours alone. <3

THAT is my prayer. I desire the Lord so, so much.
Tonight we had a special Praise Gathering service for student leaders. I was so happy to return to a place where the Lord has truly done incredible things in my life. I've wept at that altar; I've prayed my heart out with my sisters and brothers in Christ; I've worshiped the Almighty God over and over again; I've heard messages that have literally changed me. So much has happened in that sanctuary. And I was back.
As for every PG I've gone to, I sat myself in the back right section. Alone. I like having that one-on-one intimacy with the Lord. The worship began, and the first song was "Let It Rain" by Delirious.

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change 
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready 
I know it’s time for heaven’s rain 
It’s gonna rain, yeah, yeah
Did I really feel that? Was I ready for an outpouring of the Lord into my heart and soul?
Yes. God showed up.
The Holy Spirit revealed Himself to me through a word that turned into an image. (That's how the Lord speaks to me, and I've only recently discovered it.)
The words were: RAIN DOWN. I scribbled it down in my journal and started drawing. Then I pondered what it meant. Rain down? Why the rain tonight? Am I lacking rain right now?
Then it hit me. Spiritual drought. That's what I'm in.
The Lord convicted me. Over break, there were moments when I had free time and I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me. The Lord wanted to spend time with me, but I shoved it aside. I filled that time with other things -- friends, blogging, T.V, etc. I ignored the Lord's knock on my door.
I realized tonight that over break, my spiritual branches and roots withered. The soil around me was full of big rocks, and it wasn't the rich and bountiful environment needed for the Lord to pour out his word into. I was a shriveling plant, and I needed the Lord so desperately.
I started identifying the rocks in my life, the distractions and secrets hindering me from giving myself fully to the Lord. Later tonight, I even saw a video of Kim Walker talking about worship. One of her comments stuck out: "Maybe the reason why you can't connect with the Lord as intimately as you want is because you have an offended heart. You need an unoffended heart." <3
Whoa. That hit me! I started sorting through my life. There are some things I haven't forgiven the Lord for and things in my sight that are stopping me from experiencing the full beauty and glory of the Lord's presence.
Confession time! During prayer tonight, I gave everything to the Lord. I let it all go, and kept yearning after him with a longing heart. I didn't stop asking the Lord for more and more of Him for at least a half hour. I WANTED Him with everything in my being. I couldn't muster up the tears, but I felt them in my eyelids. I was so incredibly desperate to hear the Lord. I felt like I could have been the blind man on the street who reached out and touched Jesus' cloaked.
That's all I really want, you know. The Lord. I only want Him in my life. Although I am fully human, I want to live fully in the Spirit as well. Just like Jesus did when He walked the Earth over 2,000 years ago. I want to be Christ-like. Really Christ-like. I want to operate constantly in the spiritual gifts He has given me with a heart of love and compassion, and I want all the glory to go to Him alone. That's my heart's only desire.
It's funny, because during leadership training, at least two of the people who spoke asked the question, "What do you want? What do you really want?" I wrote some stuff down, but in the end, it all really comes down to yearning after the Lord passionately with everything I am.
So what do you want? What has the Lord been telling you that you're ignoring? Do you want to see the Lord work in your life like never before? I know I do. And the step I need to take to get there is by giving all that I am to Him. Surrendering complete control so He can be my navigator. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's full of uncertainty. But who cares? With the Lord as your Guide, He will ALWAYS protect you and take care of you! That's why I'm taking a risk and jumping into the deep end with the Lord. Because if you stay in the shallow end, you're not going to go anywhere spiritually. You have to get out of your spiritual bubble and take risks. Trust that the Lord will take care of you in times of fear and uncertainty. Because that's when He does the biggest things and shakes mountains! ;-)

Puzzle Pieces

Uncertainty clouds my vision. I am blinded by a hazy fog, and I cannot find the way out of this maze. There are so many directions leading in various places. Hills, valleys, streams, mountains, plains, forests... Which path is the right path? I dare not step foot into one of these places until I know fully well that it's where I'm supposed to be. This is the scenario I find myself in. A handful of decisions staring at me in the face. The future of next semester is haunting. Where will I live? Where will I work? How will I maintain my ministry? Will I earn enough money to pay for tuition? I don't know what to do. I've spent hours thinking and putting efforts towards creating a plan for next semester, but I still lie in the shadows of the unknown. I've calculated all the numbers and figures of finances, but they all seem like a blur on the spreadsheet when I fix my eyes upon them. It's like the puzzle of my life has been torn apart, and all the pieces lie scattered on the old cement floor. I must pick them up, piece by piece, color by color, shape by shape. Affix them with one another again until they form the balanced, unified portrait of my life again.
God, give me strength. Give me wisdom. Give me guidance. Give me discernment. I believe if I seek after you, then you will provide me with all the right answers. Speak to me through your Word, your messengers, and your own voice. I believe that You will provide for me next semester and open up the right doors for me, and close all the wrong ones. I trust in You.
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
   my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
   my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
   Psalm 18:2