Stop Living For Accomplishments

The past two weeks have been odd. Winter Break started, and I found myself bored with no homework to do, my best friends away, and less shifts at work. I fell into a pattern of sleeping in way longer than I'm used to, watching TV (which I never do), and avoiding the tasks on my to-do list. I felt lazy and disengaged. Who was I becoming?

I hardly ever slept in past 8:00 a.m. on days I didn't have work or school, because I didn't want to waste precious time to do homework. I never watched "Adventure Time," or any other TV show for that matter, because I didn't think it added value to life. And I never, ever ignored my responsibilities.

But I'm learning that it's okay to take time for myself. I'm learning that it's okay to rest and have fun, even if it's not productive or makes my day start later. I'm learning to stop living under the rulebook I've created to ensure my life is successful and valuable.

Before this realization, I always assumed that every minute of my time needed to be useful. If I didn't allot it well, I would cower in guilt imagining what I could have done during those precious moments of time that amounted to nothing in the end. I remember several Tuesday and Thursday mornings towards the end of the semester where I slept in until 10:00 a.m. and didn't wake up two hours earlier to read. I would criticize myself and let shame overcome me.

Also, I couldn't just sit and watch a movie, play video games for hours, browse pictures on Pinterest or lay down on the couch and nap. What were these activities accomplishing? I wasn't making money. I wasn't obtaining a degree. I wasn't pursuing my dream. I wasn't becoming closer to Jesus in my relationship with Him.

But what if I wasn't supposed to live for accomplishments? What if I was just supposed to be obedient to what the Lord has called me, live by faith, and be happy? What if I didn't have to wear a mask of perfection anymore?

If I didn't live for accomplishments anymore, I would be able to learn the habit of self-care. I would be able to give my body the rest it needed, and I would be able to take breaks in my day just to do what I wanted to do in that moment -- even if it didn't accomplish anything.

In a note a friend sent me for Christmas, she included a Bible verse. It never struck me how timely it was until this very moment, because it goes along with everything I've been learning.

"So I concluded, there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can." (Ecclesiastes 3:12)

If I didn't live for accomplishments anymore, I would be able to learn the practice of patience. I would be able to focus on and invest fully in the moment, not on what's ahead. I would be able to be at peace, even in the presence of chaos.

When we slow down life and learn to press the pause button, we stop making accomplishments our goal. We take life as it comes, and see our life as one continuous stroke rather than a line made up of little dots.

I'm finding that living for accomplishments only breeds a fear of failure. 

Were my strict guidelines of only get eight hours of sleep to ensure that I be productive with the remainder of my time making my happy, or were they only stringing me along by fear of wasting time?

I'm not saying that waking up early is unhappy or done because of a fear of wasting time. There are many early birds out there who enjoy waking up early.

Also, I am not saying that disciplining yourself to do or not do certain things is wrong. Sometimes we need to discipline ourselves to break a habit, start a new habit, write a 10-page paper or apply for a job.

What I am saying is this: If you are doing something because of fear of failure, then stop doing it. If you are going to college just because your parents want you to, yet you want to work at your local diner the rest of your life, stop going to school and pursue your dream. If you are exercising just because your boyfriend wants you to be skinny, stop exercising (unless you do it for your own health). If you are avoiding media just because you think it will distract you, watch a TV show or a movie. If you are avoiding sleeping in just because it will steal your time away, then sleep in.

We must stop living for the approval of man, and we must also stop living for the approval of our own self. We live for God's approval alone, and God wants us to be happy and get rest. He doesn't want us to be controlled by achievements; he only wants us to be obedient to His Word.

White Lines

There's a man named Hezekiah in the Bible. His father, King Ahaz, was an evil ruler. He sacrificed Hezekiah's brothers to false gods, closed up the temple, and led people in idol worship.

When Hezekiah became the new king at 25-years of age, he had a long history of dysfunction and rebellion behind him. He had to choose whether or not to follow in the footsteps of his forefathers or set a new path for Israel.

"[Hezekiah] did what was right in the eyes of the Lord." (2 Chronicles 29:2)

Hezekiah made huge alterations when he stepped in to rule Jerusalem. He reopened the doors of the temple, gave burnt offerings to the Lord, and essentially brought all of Israel back to the Lord.

What made him different than the kings before him?

He had faith.

He was a prayer warrior.

Hezekiah didn't allow himself to be trapped by his past -- he took a bold step of faith and followed the Lord, even though the crowd before him was going the opposite way!

Just like Hezekiah, you may have a long line of dysfunction in your family. Maybe there are drunkards, drug addicts, and sex offenders. Maybe all your grandparents, aunts, and uncles have gotten divorced. Maybe it's less serious; maybe there's just a lot of bitterness and hard hearts present.

Whatever the depth of the problem, the Lord is greater than it. He wipes away all of our history and makes us NEW.

So what do we do now?

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Keep praying. It may take years, even decades, for a mountain of brokenness to crumble. But know this: PRAYER MOVES MOUNTAINS.
Keep praying fervently and passionately for your family like Hannah did when she cried out to the Lord for a son. If you really want something, the Lord will give it to you!

 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

Also, be patient with your family members! When argument sparks, don't be one to spread the flames of conflict.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Lastly, be hopeful and excited for the new adventure God can take you on when you allow Him to guide your path. Giving up our own plans can be painful, but being obedient to God's plan can bring you to even bigger and brighter places than you could ever imagine! 

The scribbly white lines of brokenness, ugliness and failure that have been etched across your chalkboard don't have to stay anymore. Let God erase your past and allow him to be the author of your new life in Him!

We're Not Spiritual Robots

A question popped into my head recently.

What do you live for?

It was in the rush of customers dashing around tables and mannequins, arms overflowing with pieces of clothing barely hanging on the hanger. I was scurrying from the back room to the cashwrap when I caught myself off-guard.

I've been working at Gap Outlet for almost three years now. I've learned to love my job, mostly for the people I work with but also for the tasks I get to do every day. I love engaging with a variety of people and tackling new responsibilities.

But I'm also very competitive. This is where my achiever strength comes in (taken from StrengthsFinder 2.0). I always want to be the best at EVERYTHING at my job. Fitting room, cashiering, recovery, visual merchandising, etc. I strive to give the best effort for everything I work at.

It's not bad to have this kind of goal, but sometimes I become tangled in a mindset of achievement -- and with this comes greed and pride.

The Bible warns us about these sins in Proverbs 16:5.

"Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished."

There needs to be a fine line between wanting to do my best and letting my sinful nature take over my heart with arrogance. I needed to redefine the purpose of my role at work, let alone at every other place I encounter throughout my days.

I responded to the first question in my head with a second: "Well, is what I'm doing honoring God?"

Is ringing up a customer and offering the Gap card to them honoring God? Is whispering about other associates in the back room honoring God? Is folding a shirt honoring God?

Some of these questions may sound silly, and they may be hard to answer, but here's the truth laid plain out in 1 Corinthians 10:31:

"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

That verse says ALL. Everything. Every piece. Every bit. Every something. All for His glory!
But how do we devote every word and every action to the Lord? It's seemingly impossible to have a mindset that's automatically programmed to worshiping the Lord. We can't be spiritual robots on praise mode all the time (if that was the case, we wouldn't have free choice as humans!).

The key is TRYING. Really watching your tongue when you speak, see God's people through His lens, and serving with the hands and feet of Jesus.

Yes, we're going to slip. There's going to be days where the F-bomb slips and the behind-your-back gossip happens.

But keep going. Don't give up. God's grace still covers you!

If our motivation behind every human capability is honoring the Lord, then the results will eventually start lining up. We'll learn new things through trial and error, and walk through seasons that will shape us greater into the people of God we were created to be.

The thing to remember: Molding is a process. It takes time. Take the potter, for example. The potter slaps out a chunk of clay and forms it with his hands into a pot on a potting wheel. The potting wheel rotates round and round thousands of times before the pot is in its correct shape and smooth enough to be a pot sold at the marketplace.

"LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

Be patient for the Lord's working on you. Take heart and live for the Lord in the moment, and with time He will transform you into the person of God you were meant to be.