Fill In The Blank

Today in chapel we sang "Great I Am" by New Life Worship.
I remember over the summer debating with one of my friends over what the best worship songs were, and this song popped up. My friend described it as the "most powerful worship song of the day," and honestly, I couldn't argue that.
The chorus goes like this:

Hallelujah, Holy Holy
God Almighty, the Great I Am
Who is worthy
None beside Thee
God Almighty, the Great I am

I've sung this song probably a dozen times in church settings. In my own listening, I've played it countless times. But I never fully grasped what the lyrics meant until today.
As I was worshipping, I started thinking about the Old Testament patriarchs. Moses. Abraham. Joseph. Their stories are fresh in my head, because I committed to doing the whole "Read-The-Bible-In-A-Year" thing for one of my new year's resolutions.
I remember reading how God appeared to Moses in a burning bush and said, "I AM WHO I AM." His answer puzzled me. But the answers lie in the previous chapeters and the books to come in both the Old and New Testaments.
God is our Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, Defender, Fighter, Father, Friend, Helper, Shepherd... The list goes on and on.
God is whoever you need Him to be in your circumstance.
Even when Jesus comes in the New Testament, He uses the same phrases to describe Himself. The book of John lists several of these:
"I am the Bread of Life."
"I am the Good Shepherd."
"I am the Light of the world."
God is the Great I Am ___________. You fill in the blank.
Whether you need healing from a sickness, peace in a relationship, money in a financial crisis, or anything in-between, He is there standing in the gap for you. Have faith in Him and He will be there for you in whatever way you need Him to.

Mirror, Mirror

It's funny how one song that you've heard a million times before and know entirely by heart can all of a sudden carry a whole new meaning.
That's what happened this morning at church. It was the second song of the worship set at the end of the sermon. The strumming of the acoustic guitar began, echoed by the soft steady beat of the drums in the background. Then the lyrics spilled out of the worship leader's mouth:
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
It was after this first verse that my eyes became damp with splotches of tears. I've heard all the Bible verses that resonate Romans 8:38-39, but the hardcore truth never hit me until that very moment.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NIV)

This entire semester, there's been one key struggle in my life. A weakness that I've been dragging along everywhere I walk. What's that weakness? The inability to finish goals.
Here's a simple example: I made a 40-day commitment during Lent to fast from all forms of media used for entertainment (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, etc.). I started off strong and excited for the journey ahead, but about a week after the first day, I gave up. I couldn't do it. I started accessing these websites whenever I had a block of free time.
I hadn't realized how discouraged I've become because of my failure to be disciplined. I've been living life too loosely, and although there is a need for freedom and spontaneity in life, sometimes you need to be challenged and held accountable for things. Because that's the only way you're going to grow.
The biggest area of my life where I've struggled with following through with commitments is in my walk with the Lord. I've always had a difficult time scheduling time to spend time with the Lord every day. I go to chapel every day and pray during times of fellowship with others, but I haven't been digging into the Word and just sitting in the Lord's presence.
I desire to live a life wholly committed to worshiping the Lord. But I can't achieve this if I'm putting other things - the Internet, friends, knitting, TV, etc. - before the Lord.
This morning the Lord reminded me that His grace NEVER stops pouring down on me. His mercy triumphs over judgment! I don't need to beat myself up for always failing and slipping.
As 2 Corinthians 12:9 puts it:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (NIV)

This passage has been a pillar in my walk with the Lord recently. He has been reminding me that in my weakness, He is strong. The Lord is my Refuge, my Rock and my Comforter.
I don't need to look into the mirror of my past mistakes anymore. I don't need to look back and say, "Look at  how much you failed when you tried this last time. You'll never be able to succeed at it." These are lies of the enemy creeping into my head! I will rebound them with truth from my Savior:
I am His masterpiece.
I am loved.
I am His child.
I am His beloved.
And because of these truths, I am worth more than the sum of my past mistakes (taken from the song "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North). In fact, the Lord washed all of these mistakes - the sin and ugliness of my past - away when He died on the cross! He was pierced and crushed for all of our iniquities. When He rose again, He declared freedom from sin and brought new life! A re-making, a new identity in my Lord Jesus.

Just Be

Last week was Spring Break at my college. Instead of spending my week with family or basking in the rays on a white sand beach in Florida, I spent five full days with five beautiful ladies in Wisconsin. We stayed in a cabin about 30 minutes across the Minnesota border hidden in the depths of a grove of pine and birch trees, among patches of prairie land.

During our Monday-through-Friday stay in the cabin, we fellowshipped with one another and prayed for the missions trips from our school that went out into the world to serve. The three teams traveled to LA Dream Center, Asia and France. Our days typically consisted of individual prayer/journaling in the mornings, and corporate prayer and worship in the late afternoons and nights.

One huge thing the Lord taught me during this trip is that I have the authority in the name of Jesus over any situation. The Lord showed me this after being spiritually attacked the first two days. The enemy kept telling me I was worthless, and was taking advantage of the insecurity he loves to entertain me with. In our prayer circle on Tuesday night, I kept wrestling between the lies the devil was thrusting in my head and the truth I KNEW I needed to shout out. Then I just did it. I let it out. "Lord, I will not hold back anymore!" I proclaimed it and broke down in tears. But I felt spiritually released. I denounced the control the enemy had on me and declared victory in the name of Jesus! Fear CAN be eliminated. Doubts are NO MORE. The Lord already won the victory, and all we need to do is re-present that victory on Calvary! Isn't that awesome?

The rest of the trip was all a bit hazy to me in the moment. I asked the Lord to speak clearly to me, and He gave me this verse in the Old Testament. It is Samuel's response to the Lord calling on him for the third time in the temple:

     "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." -1 Sam. 3:10

Then I remembered: One way the Lord speaks to me is through my writing! So, I dug out my pen started scribbling. I wrote until I filled 24 pages in my journal with verses, pictures, thoughts and prayers.

After sifting through all that content, I discovered one common theme and one thing I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE IS BEING WITH JESUS.

"being" - this word carries so much depth! Check out how dictionary.com defines it. I love the first definition listed:

     1. to exist or live

Isn't that profound when you apply it to my revelation? Let me re-write it with the new meaning. "The most important thing in your life is existing and living with Jesus." Doesn't that make it so much more real? Jesus is walking side-by-side with me, everywhere I go, doing everything I do with me. Even if I slip and fall. Literally NOTHING can separate me from the Lord! He is my Father and Friend. He's actually there, and I need to make an effort to spend time with Him and live my life in COMPLETE devotion to Him!

Devotion is simply worship, and worship comes in many forms. It is not merely a band on stage during Sunday morning church service singing the overplayed Hillsong and Jesus Culture songs. It is music, prayer, reading Scripture, journaling, crafting... The list is endless on the ways you can worship the Lord! All that it requires of you is that you do it in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. And your posture during worship needs to express the genuine condition of your heart.

What it all boils down to is this: Let go and let God.

One way to do this is to just stop for a second. Turn off that cellphone and shut your laptop; sit for a moment in silence. As Psalm 46:10 puts it, "Be still and know that I am God." Think about that. The Lord is directly asking us to tune down our busy lives and turn our eyes and our hearts to Him! I love how Peggy Kendall describes it, too: "Disconnect with your culture and reconnect with your Maker." That should be the basis for our everyday lives.

I challenge you. Slow down your wheels, even hit the breaks, and reflect on your life. Is your life rich, deep and purposeful, or is it just a cheap substitute? What are you missing because you're too busy? What can you surrender to the Lord in order to see Him in the 24 hours of your day?

Don't become too busy FOR the Lord that you don't have time to be WITH Him. Make your relationship with the Lord real. It may be messy, but guess what? That means it's a good relationship! Sit in His presence and just listen for His still, small voice. Because that changes everything. :-)

Flames

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

The lyrics spiral off my lips once again during another Sunday worship service. My hands are raised in surrender to the Lord, and tears begin to mat my face. I am in the Lord's presence. But what am I really singing? I am declaring full submission to the Lord. Am I really going to follow through on this?
Doubt beings to flood my mind. The enemy rattles off the lies once again.
You are such a hypocrite. You act like you love the Lord and rejoice with thanksgiving during worship, but when you leave this place you're going to slip again. Just watch. I'll throw another obstacle in your way and you won't be able to live out what you're declaring now. What a wimp.

I try to stop the negative thoughts rolling through my brain. I keep mouthing the words on the screen and declaring promises of the Lord found in Scripture over me. The language of my heart becomes the language of Scripture and the Holy Spirit.

The song continues.

Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

I am asking the Lord to fill me up. I am asking him to burn inside of me.

You know what's neat? The analogy of a fire. We are declaring the Lord to dwell inside of us as a fire when we sing this song. A fire!
I did a little research on fires. The definition of fire is: "the rapid oxidation of a material in the chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products." That brings us back to high school chemistry class, doesn't it? Haha. Okay, let's dissect this.
Oxidation is the process of oxygen combining with a chemical. In my little analogy, let's call us the chemicals. When we experience the Lord and become ONE with Him, combustion occurs. Spiritual combustion. Spiritual combustion is an outcome of steadfast prayer, devotion, sacrifice, worship, thanksgiving, service, fellowship... Any of the spiritual disciplines that the Lord calls us to.
But what exactly results from a spiritual combustion?

I am reminded of the verse in Malachi 3:3: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." God is the silver smith and we are the silver he works with. My roommate posted this story from an anonymous source that relates to this analogy:

As a woman watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.

She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy - when I see my image in it."

Pause for a second. Think about that. Are there moments in your life when it seems like all walls are crashing down on you and you can't seem to break through? Probably, yeah. But you know what? God's got His eyes and hands on us. He's watching us through every battle, every pain, and every sadness. And his grip on us will never loosen. The Lord is the mighty and careful silver smith who pays close attention to each one of His creations.

And those difficult moments? He'll pull us out when the time is right. He's allow just enough pain and suffering, and then rescue us so we can "go out into all the earth" and proclaim our story of restoration and deliverance to others. For it is by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony that we change the world.

3, 2, 1... Plunge: Here I Am, LORD!

Lord, I give you my heart.
I give you my soul.
Let this heart be Yours
and Yours alone. <3

THAT is my prayer. I desire the Lord so, so much.
Tonight we had a special Praise Gathering service for student leaders. I was so happy to return to a place where the Lord has truly done incredible things in my life. I've wept at that altar; I've prayed my heart out with my sisters and brothers in Christ; I've worshiped the Almighty God over and over again; I've heard messages that have literally changed me. So much has happened in that sanctuary. And I was back.
As for every PG I've gone to, I sat myself in the back right section. Alone. I like having that one-on-one intimacy with the Lord. The worship began, and the first song was "Let It Rain" by Delirious.

Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy
Feels like the winds are gonna change 
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready 
I know it’s time for heaven’s rain 
It’s gonna rain, yeah, yeah
Did I really feel that? Was I ready for an outpouring of the Lord into my heart and soul?
Yes. God showed up.
The Holy Spirit revealed Himself to me through a word that turned into an image. (That's how the Lord speaks to me, and I've only recently discovered it.)
The words were: RAIN DOWN. I scribbled it down in my journal and started drawing. Then I pondered what it meant. Rain down? Why the rain tonight? Am I lacking rain right now?
Then it hit me. Spiritual drought. That's what I'm in.
The Lord convicted me. Over break, there were moments when I had free time and I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me. The Lord wanted to spend time with me, but I shoved it aside. I filled that time with other things -- friends, blogging, T.V, etc. I ignored the Lord's knock on my door.
I realized tonight that over break, my spiritual branches and roots withered. The soil around me was full of big rocks, and it wasn't the rich and bountiful environment needed for the Lord to pour out his word into. I was a shriveling plant, and I needed the Lord so desperately.
I started identifying the rocks in my life, the distractions and secrets hindering me from giving myself fully to the Lord. Later tonight, I even saw a video of Kim Walker talking about worship. One of her comments stuck out: "Maybe the reason why you can't connect with the Lord as intimately as you want is because you have an offended heart. You need an unoffended heart." <3
Whoa. That hit me! I started sorting through my life. There are some things I haven't forgiven the Lord for and things in my sight that are stopping me from experiencing the full beauty and glory of the Lord's presence.
Confession time! During prayer tonight, I gave everything to the Lord. I let it all go, and kept yearning after him with a longing heart. I didn't stop asking the Lord for more and more of Him for at least a half hour. I WANTED Him with everything in my being. I couldn't muster up the tears, but I felt them in my eyelids. I was so incredibly desperate to hear the Lord. I felt like I could have been the blind man on the street who reached out and touched Jesus' cloaked.
That's all I really want, you know. The Lord. I only want Him in my life. Although I am fully human, I want to live fully in the Spirit as well. Just like Jesus did when He walked the Earth over 2,000 years ago. I want to be Christ-like. Really Christ-like. I want to operate constantly in the spiritual gifts He has given me with a heart of love and compassion, and I want all the glory to go to Him alone. That's my heart's only desire.
It's funny, because during leadership training, at least two of the people who spoke asked the question, "What do you want? What do you really want?" I wrote some stuff down, but in the end, it all really comes down to yearning after the Lord passionately with everything I am.
So what do you want? What has the Lord been telling you that you're ignoring? Do you want to see the Lord work in your life like never before? I know I do. And the step I need to take to get there is by giving all that I am to Him. Surrendering complete control so He can be my navigator. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's full of uncertainty. But who cares? With the Lord as your Guide, He will ALWAYS protect you and take care of you! That's why I'm taking a risk and jumping into the deep end with the Lord. Because if you stay in the shallow end, you're not going to go anywhere spiritually. You have to get out of your spiritual bubble and take risks. Trust that the Lord will take care of you in times of fear and uncertainty. Because that's when He does the biggest things and shakes mountains! ;-)