When You're Both A Mary And A Martha

Two days ago I found out that I would be a student manager in my college cafeteria this fall. The moment I heard the news, I jumped in the air with excitement! Not only would I have more responsibility, but I was thankful for the increase in pay. I'm going to Thailand this December, and I need as much money as possible to pay for the trip.
But yesterday I felt almost guilty to have the position. What if people see me a power-hungry workaholic? Because not only do I have this student manager position, but I work another job and go to school full-time. That's 25 hours of work and 15 hours of class, not including time for homework. I'm also the editor-in-chief of my college newspaper.
I'm not listing all of this out of pride, I'm just throwing it out there so maybe you'll understand how I feel.
To put it blatantly, I'm becoming worried of what people think of me. I'm scared that because I have achieved two positions of authority in addition to my role as a student, people will see me as some arrogant, busy person that has everything together.
I really don't want to be see as that. And I really don't have everything together.
But is it that horrible to have a schedule that fits everything together so well?
I honestly enjoy all of the roles and tasks that fill my plate. I may not thoroughly enjoy them every moment and I may become frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I find joy out of having a busy schedule.
And it's not like I never have time to spend time with people and with the Lord.
I really try to maintain strong relationships with people, whether they're close or far away. I make an effort to contact my friends on a weekly effort, because I care for them and want to hear about what's going on in their lives.
And I do spend time with the Lord every day. It may not be an hour-long time in worship just soaking in His presence, but I do try to hear Him and interact with Him on a constant basis. I love His presence, and all I really want is to be led by His Spirit and to know His heart more.
I'm realizing that I have a spirit like Mary's in a schedule like Martha's. But is that even possible? Can my spirit truly be at rest while involved in so much?

Just Be

Last week was Spring Break at my college. Instead of spending my week with family or basking in the rays on a white sand beach in Florida, I spent five full days with five beautiful ladies in Wisconsin. We stayed in a cabin about 30 minutes across the Minnesota border hidden in the depths of a grove of pine and birch trees, among patches of prairie land.

During our Monday-through-Friday stay in the cabin, we fellowshipped with one another and prayed for the missions trips from our school that went out into the world to serve. The three teams traveled to LA Dream Center, Asia and France. Our days typically consisted of individual prayer/journaling in the mornings, and corporate prayer and worship in the late afternoons and nights.

One huge thing the Lord taught me during this trip is that I have the authority in the name of Jesus over any situation. The Lord showed me this after being spiritually attacked the first two days. The enemy kept telling me I was worthless, and was taking advantage of the insecurity he loves to entertain me with. In our prayer circle on Tuesday night, I kept wrestling between the lies the devil was thrusting in my head and the truth I KNEW I needed to shout out. Then I just did it. I let it out. "Lord, I will not hold back anymore!" I proclaimed it and broke down in tears. But I felt spiritually released. I denounced the control the enemy had on me and declared victory in the name of Jesus! Fear CAN be eliminated. Doubts are NO MORE. The Lord already won the victory, and all we need to do is re-present that victory on Calvary! Isn't that awesome?

The rest of the trip was all a bit hazy to me in the moment. I asked the Lord to speak clearly to me, and He gave me this verse in the Old Testament. It is Samuel's response to the Lord calling on him for the third time in the temple:

     "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." -1 Sam. 3:10

Then I remembered: One way the Lord speaks to me is through my writing! So, I dug out my pen started scribbling. I wrote until I filled 24 pages in my journal with verses, pictures, thoughts and prayers.

After sifting through all that content, I discovered one common theme and one thing I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE IS BEING WITH JESUS.

"being" - this word carries so much depth! Check out how dictionary.com defines it. I love the first definition listed:

     1. to exist or live

Isn't that profound when you apply it to my revelation? Let me re-write it with the new meaning. "The most important thing in your life is existing and living with Jesus." Doesn't that make it so much more real? Jesus is walking side-by-side with me, everywhere I go, doing everything I do with me. Even if I slip and fall. Literally NOTHING can separate me from the Lord! He is my Father and Friend. He's actually there, and I need to make an effort to spend time with Him and live my life in COMPLETE devotion to Him!

Devotion is simply worship, and worship comes in many forms. It is not merely a band on stage during Sunday morning church service singing the overplayed Hillsong and Jesus Culture songs. It is music, prayer, reading Scripture, journaling, crafting... The list is endless on the ways you can worship the Lord! All that it requires of you is that you do it in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. And your posture during worship needs to express the genuine condition of your heart.

What it all boils down to is this: Let go and let God.

One way to do this is to just stop for a second. Turn off that cellphone and shut your laptop; sit for a moment in silence. As Psalm 46:10 puts it, "Be still and know that I am God." Think about that. The Lord is directly asking us to tune down our busy lives and turn our eyes and our hearts to Him! I love how Peggy Kendall describes it, too: "Disconnect with your culture and reconnect with your Maker." That should be the basis for our everyday lives.

I challenge you. Slow down your wheels, even hit the breaks, and reflect on your life. Is your life rich, deep and purposeful, or is it just a cheap substitute? What are you missing because you're too busy? What can you surrender to the Lord in order to see Him in the 24 hours of your day?

Don't become too busy FOR the Lord that you don't have time to be WITH Him. Make your relationship with the Lord real. It may be messy, but guess what? That means it's a good relationship! Sit in His presence and just listen for His still, small voice. Because that changes everything. :-)