Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts

Thursday, August 1, 2013

I Don't Have To Understand

I lean not on my own understanding,
my life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.
(from "Nothing I Hold On To" by United Pursuit Band)

These lyrics always shake my human will whenever I hear them. You mean I can't know everything? I can't control everything?
As humans, we suffer from a disease of wanting to control everything and know everything. We are paralyzed when we cannot see the end of the situation before us. We are crippled when we do not know the answer to a friend's question.

The other day I started to freak out over the finances I need to pay for my trip to Thailand: $3,000. At the bare minimum.
That number is not so welcoming to my bank account.
I started scribbling in my journal the reasons why I wouldn't be able to collect that much money before the end of November.
"I can only work so much. I can only bake so much (for the bake sale I'm going to use to fundraise). I can only send out so many support letters. I can only sell so many of my belongings. Am I just making this all up in my head? Someone's going to have to tell me that this is what I'm supposed to be doing."

And then it hit me. The verse dropped in my head like a coin being tossed in a wishing well.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)


Wow. Just read that again. Especially the second sentence!
We don't have to understand things, because the peace of God is greater than that. We can have peace even in our confusion!
God reminded me that even though I have no idea how I'm going to come up with $3,000 for Thailand, He will make a way. I don't have to be stressed and frazzled. All I need to do is rest in His presence and let His peace cover me.

Because, here's the deal: When we allow confusion or worry to overcome us, we allow the devil to twist our thoughts and pour fear into us. Although it doesn't seem like an attack while it's occurring, it's the devil's way of taking our trust off of God and putting it in ourselves instead -- which isn't much, since we are weak and don't have the ability to see the outcome of things.

God's peace is our shield against these attacks. God's peace repels the daunting questions that pierce our human tendency to understand and control everything.

So instead of trying to understand how I'm going to pay for Thailand, I'm just going to let God do His work. I'm going to abide in His presence every day in order to be protected from attacks from the devil. I'm going to point my ears and my heart towards heaven and listen to God reaffirm in me that I am His daughter being used for His kingdom. And I'm going to work wholeheartedly, yet peacefully, on finding the finances needed to go to Thailand.

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FOR THAILAND, AND GOD'S PEOPLE LIVING THERE. BECAUSE THEY DESERVE JUSTICE.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

God In A Gas Station

Two days ago, two of my friends and I hit the interstate for an 8-hour road trip. Our long journey consisted of bonding through worship, prayer, eating at Jimmy John's and listening to a sermon by Francis Chan. Our destination? The one and only IHOP -- and that's not the pancake house, ladies and gents. That's the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO that hosts 24/7 prayer services. The three of us were stoked.
We arrived in KC around 7 p.m. and dropped one of our friends off at a high school to meet the family she would be staying with this week. Afterwards, my friend Kayla and I had no plans. We were free to do what we wanted for the rest of the night.
After a quick look at the gas level-ometer, we noticed the little arrow was close to hitting the red "E." We decided that a gas station would be the next stop in our night of spontaneity.
Little did we know that the stop would last more than an hour-and-a-half.
After leaving the high school parking lot, we immediately drove past a gas station to our right. Oops, our conversation had distracted us from making the turn. Luckily, there was a gas station only a quarter of a mile up the road under the bridge to the free way. We pulled in to the Phillipps 66 gas station at around 7:15 p.m.
Once pulling up to the pump, Kayla and I decided that I would pay for gas because she had paid for it on the way down. After retrieving my wallet, I noticed that the slot for my debit card was empty. "Shoot, I must have kept it in my other wallet," I said.
Thankfully, I had a $20 bill in my wallet so I gave it to Kayla to pay for as much gas as we could. Kayla walked into the gas station and pre-payed, while I stood out in the cold waiting to fill up. After some confusion of doing pre-pay (I had only done it once before), we were able to get the car half-filled. Good enough for now.
Kayla then contacted one of her friends in KC to hang out with. We were planning on going to Chipotle, when all of a sudden her iPhone died and thus had no way of navigating to the restaurant. I didn't have GPS on my phone, so we were stuck until her phone charged up again.
Kayla plugged her phone charger into the USB outlet in her radio, but the battery didn't charge.
Okay God, now what? We have no way of finding Chipotle and we don't even know what state we're in (KC is on the border of Kansas and Missouri, so we were clueless which side of the state line we were on.).
We decided to walk into the gas station and ask if they had an outlet we could use to charge Kayla's phone. Two clerks were at the desk: an older man probably in his late 50's, and a young girl who looked like she was in her early 20's. They both directed us to the women's bathroom, where we found an outlet next to the sink.
After plugging in Kayla's phone, we started talking about what we were going to do next. It was soon brought up that one of us should check on the car to make sure it was still safe, since the two of us were going to be in the bathroom for a while charging the phone.
I went out to the lobby and checked on the car, and just as I was about to turn back and walk to the bathroom, the two clerks asked if the outlet was working. I said yes, and they both asked where we were heading that night. I told them we were going to Chipotle and needed the GPS to work. The young girl started explaining how to use the Maps feature on an iPhone, and soon enough she sprung out from behind the counter and followed me into the bathroom to show us how it functioned (even though we already knew how it worked).
Three girls in a bathroom: two girls going to IHOP, and one gas station clerk. It couldn't have been more God-orchestrated. Read what happened next.
Kayla and I told the girl that we were headed to IHOP, and not surprisingly, she asked us what that was. We told her it was a prayer house that has live music 24/7. She was amazed by this and asked more. We showed her the live stream on Kayla's iPhone, and she seemed really curious.
We then began explaining to her why we were there and where we were from. She asked us what the two of us wanted to do when we grew up, and when Kayla told her she was going to be a youth pastor, the girl became really interested.
I don't know how all the pieces connected exactly, but eventually Kayla spilled her entire testimony and the girl ended opening up to us about her life.
The girl had grown up going to church when she was younger, but as a teenager she drifted away from the "religious" scene and got hooked into partying and dating other girls. She also told us about her difficult relationship with her mother.
What was interesting is that the night we visited was the girl's last day of work at the gas station. In three days, she was moving to Colorado with her half-brother to begin a new life. It was definitely a turning point for her in her life.
Throughout the conversation, which lasted over an hour, we continued telling her how much the Lord loved her and that He has a plan for her life. She was full of questions and eager to learn more about our faith. Every now and then I noticed a slight grin on her face, and it was amazing seeing the transformation taking place.
She didn't end up giving her life to the Lord, but we were able to pray with her at the end.
We laid hands on her inches in front of a sink in a gas station bathroom. God truly does work in the most unusual of places.
That hour-and-a-half couldn't have been more perfectly arranged.
  • If I would have had my debit card, we wouldn't have gone inside to pay.
  • If Kayla's phone hadn't died and then decided to work, then we wouldn't have gone in and had to use the outlet in the women's bathroom.
  • If I hadn't gone and checked on our car, the girl wouldn't have followed me into the bathroom.
God seriously uses the most hopeless and frustrating moments for His glory sometimes. It's puzzling and beyond comprehension -- but it's SO worth every flustered moment, tear and grumble.
So whenever you find yourself in the midst of a situation that seems utterly hopeless, don't lose hope. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and your hope anchored in Him. Even when you feel like giving up, the Lord always has a way out and will use the most inopportune moments (in our human eyes) to show His glory.
Remember this truth that Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans:
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)
God works in the middle of our mishaps. He doesn't expect perfection; all he requires is a heart that is willing and obedient to His voice, even in the midst of confusion and pain.
He turns our frustrations into moments for His glory to shine when we obey Him.