At The Lord's Feet

As the morning of my grandma's surgery sneaks up closer and closer, I am becoming even more and more terrified. I fear the thought of her coming out of the surgery weak and unhealthy. I am afraid that her body will collapse during the middle of the surgery, and that the doctors won't know what to do during it. Fear is welling up inside of me like a fire, and I can't seem to contain it.

I've never experienced anything more tragic than this.

I've never experienced the death of a close friend or family member.

I've never walked alongside someone going through cancer.

I've never seen extreme suffering firsthand.

I know I may sound weak, but to be completely honest... I am. I swell up at the most minor of incidents. I cry at the flash of a gun being shot or a mother screaming at her child.

But guess what? The Lord pours out His strength during the moments I stumble! He picks me up, and whispers this into my ear:

"[Child], my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)

The Lord is directly telling me that His grace is ENOUGH. Enough! What does that mean? It means that His grace fulfills what is needed without being in excess. His graces spills into my cup, and when it is full to the brim, His power explodes out of every wall in my life.

In the same passage, Paul goes on to write: "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:10)

When I surrender everything to the Lord at His feet and give up all control of my life, then the door is open for the Lord's strength and power to sweep in and move mountains.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot about sacrifice. He's taught me that all sacrifice needs to be done with a heart of worship first and foremost, and that love and justice should be at the core of it. But the thing I've learned that's the most essential is that sacrifice needs to be COMPLETE. It can't just be half-heartily, or even 99%. It needs to be total surrender at the foot of the cross. Otherwise there will be things you'll still be holding onto that will hinder you from following the Lord the entire way.

As I wrestle through this moment in my life, I need to continue to learn how to lay everything down in my life. And not just my future and my strengths - but my weaknesses as well. EVERYTHING. The whole package.

I struggle with giving the Lord control, and that's something I'm asking the Lord to stretch me with. I want to be able to fully let god and let God! That's been my motto recently. It flashes on my screen background every time I switch on my laptop, and it's been tapering almost every page of my journal for the past month.

Don't hold back anymore. Release the ties that are holding you onto worldly things. If you are encountering fear, anxiety, sadness, stress, etc... these feelings are not from the Lord! They are from the enemy, and it means you aren't fully counting on God. Make the Lord your comfort zone. He knows the situation and the best outcome, no matter what it is. He is good and faithful, and will never fail you!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)

The Symbol of Love

February 14.

The one day on the calendar when greeting card companies lash out bundles of pink and red heart-patterned cards, grocery stores overstock on freshly cut roses and boxes of chocolate, and couples crowd into restaurants for a romantic dinner over candlelight.

Between all the cheesy love messages scribbled on candy hearts and the classic love songs from the 1950s, the meaning of love is much deeper than our society likes to commercialize it.

Valentine's Day can be wrapped up in one symbol, more or less: The heart. A heart represents the undying love between two people, typically those who have romantic feelings for one another. But it can also represent love among friends and families.

The heart is not a bad representation of the overrated, flowery holiday. However, I think there's a much better symbol that emanates the REAL meaning of love. And what's that, you ask? The cross.

The cross is where true love was birthed. Phil Wickham's song, "True Love", paints a beautiful portrait of the scene of Jesus' death on the cross 2,000 years ago.

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Jesus died on the cross for all the ugliness of the world that was in the past, was present at the moment, and was yet to come! He shed His blood so we could be saved and guaranteed a place among the heavens in eternity. That's true love.

Whenever this time of the year comes along, it is hard not to get caught up in the emotional rush of human love (especially when you have a significant other) or give yourself a pity party if you are single. I've been a victim of both of these reactions.

This year, however, I am happily "flying it single" and focusing my eyes and my heart on the Lord. I'm going to spend the day reflecting on His perfect and blameless love. I'm going to rejoice with thankfulness for the showers of mercy and grace He has given me!

There's nothing for me to beat myself up about. I'm not going to gorge myself on Oreos and Nutella because I need an alternate source of satisfaction (although my best friend and I love consuming "heartbreak" food whenever we hang out and have a girl's night).

I can be fully confident that I am loved by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I am one of His beautiful princesses, and He will never leave me nor forsake me. He works all things together for my good! Now THAT's a good God. Let me leave you with this verse in Jeremiah 31:3, which I think sums up it all:

"The Lord has appeared to us from afar, saying:

'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.'" <3

What's Your Junk?

I read a verse this morning.
Or, a passage more specifically. Luke 11:37-53 — It’s about the six woes that Jesus pronounces on the Pharisees.
The verses that stuck out to me were vs. 39-41: “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside the dish to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.’”When reading this verse, it is first important to take in the historical context at the time. I can’t help but apply this passage to my own life, though. Our lives are just like a cup. Jesus set up the perfect analogy for us. Although we may clean the outside and make it look like we have everything together with our job, our family, our friends, our money, and our relationship with Jesus Christ, many times we are still broken and hiding things on the inside.
The inside is disgusting, but no one sees it from the walls we create to shelter them from the truth. We don’t want them to see our secret side; our lies and weaknesses that pull us further away from the Lord.
For me, I’m definitely not clean on the inside. And I don’t think anyone is. As Romans 3:23 says, “…for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God…” We all have goop inside that hinders us from becoming one with Christ.
But hey, guess what? God is a God of grace. He LOVES us, and pours down his mercies upon us even when we walk in darkness! He doesn’t care how far we’ve fallen from him. Though we walk in the valley of death, the Lord is always there to pick us up and let us start fresh again in our relationship with Him! :-)
Isaiah 1:18 says, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be washed as white as snow…” Hey, that’s something to rejoice about! The Lord is our Redeemer and Savior.
Reflecting on what I just said, I look at my own life. I look at the things I’m hiding inside from everyone else. I look at my prayer life. Although others have commented on how strong of a prayer life I have with the Lord, honestly, it’s hardly there. Prayer is one of my weaknesses. I confess that.
But the Lord has definitely been working on that this year with me. During Encounter (an evangelistic outreach ministry at my college), God laid on my heart to stay back for prayer. I was like, “What God? Are you serious?” But, out of a listening heart, I stayed back. And whoa, did God totally blow my mind! He set a flame in my heart for prayer!Ever since them, I’ve been working little by little to keep feeding that flame. I’m on Ninedays Prayer Team at my school, and God has also presented me with awesome opportunities to pray. Guess what those are? My 40-minute drives to work. Everyone thinks I’m crazy for driving that far out to work, but honestly, I don’t care! I get a chunk of time to praise the Lord and be steadfast in prayer. A time of silence where I have no other distractions. It’s AWESOME. :-)
So that’s one of my confessions. I don’t have it all together. But even though I’m still a broken and wretched human being, I still belong to the Lord and I want to glorify Him in everything I do. I think it’s the passion and drive that matters. The Lord loves a heart that is on fire for Him!
Now I challenge you to look at your cup. The inside of the cup. What are you keeping there that no one else sees? What do you need to surrender to the Lord and let him take control of in your life? Don’t be afraid. The Lord is a God of mercy and compassion, and He will always, ALWAYS accept you and love you as His child.