Thistles & Weeds

I'm curled up in a blanket on the empty bed in our room. It's kind of nice having extra space and a place to relax that's not my top bunk or my desk chair. Kinda like a temporary couch.
It's been a good past few days. The Lord has done some pretty cool stuff. And I've spent time with some wonderful people in my life. :)
During chapel yesterday, one of the favorite faculty members among the students spoke. His message was empowering, as always, and my journal became filled up with Bible verses and inspirational quotes. But I wasn't expecting to stay an entire hour after the service ended.
Usually, I stick around for maybe 20 or 30 minutes. Fridays are the famous "prayer and fasting days" at my school. I have an unwritten tradition: I sit cross-legged tightly between two rows of chairs and dig out my journal and Bible. I fill the pages with thought, whether it be words or pictures or anything my pencil is able to transmit onto paper from my mind. I am a sucker for writing.
As the minutes passed by, I found myself stuck on a question. What do I need to sacrifice in order to reach the full potential the Lord has for my life?
The speaker had mentioned this term "PURSUIT OF CHRIST". It ties back to Paul's message in Philippians 4:8: "I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (NIV). But that is the only the second half of this overwhelming term.
The first half? Forgetting what lies behind. A.K.A., getting rid of the junk and making more room for the Lord! This is essential in our pursuit for a deeper relationship with the Lord. If we truly desire to follow the Lord more passionately and surrender everything for His calling on our life, then we will be steadfast in repentance.
And take note, forgetting won't happen instantly. It's a process (thus, why the suffix "-ing" is important). We'll look back, reflect, forgive, and forgive, and then maybe the next day we'll pretend like it never happened. Our human nature is to dwell on the past and how it once was.
It doesn't have to be this way. You can be earnestly seeking after the Lord and resting your failures at His feet. He'll always pour out an abundance of grace on you and pull you back to Him. He'll always accept you, even if you continue to make mistakes.
So press on. Press on towards the call that the Lord has given you!
My dream (or call) is to go overseas and fight world hunger alongside a nonprofit ministry such as Feed My Starving Children. I don't intend on stopping anywhere short of this vision. I will keep pushing, no matter what I have to do, to get there. I will listen to the Lord's voice and let Him guide my steps.
But I must get past this first step: releasing myself from the things binding me to the world. Although the Lord took me through a season of restoration this past semester, there are still things blocking me from reaching the Lord's plan for me. Barricades are stamped on my path, and I need the Lord's help to push them aside.
Two of the biggest obstacles now? I'm going to be vulnerable with you and tell you.
1. Nurturing a hate for others. I suffer from a serious case of judging others based on their outer appearance and attitudes. I also blame other people if they aren't friendly to me in public.
2. Finding my identity in guys and not the Lord. I yearn for their attention in order to keep up my happiness. I find satisfaction in talking and spending time with guys more than girls.
This is my current junk. The nasty stuff clogging my path from a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord. It has to go. I need to toss it in the trash and say "goodbye" to it. It's time to love others with a real, Christ-like love and find my identity in the Lord. I am a beloved bride of Christ and He has created me wonderfully and beautifully!
I looked up at the clock at 1:00 p.m. with my mind flustered in thought. Whoa God, you've been tugging at stuff in me. I unveiled truths that need to be re-instilled into me. Daily. I need to foster a healthy environment in order to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. If I continue to walk through a path of thistles and weeds, then I won't be able to fulfill my calling for the Lord. So I will learn how to surrender; I will learn how to give; I will learn how to seek after the Lord passionately. And I will never stop, even if my path does become totally clear.