Not My Own

Today I was touched by one person's act of genorosity.
I was working at our house garage sale to raise money for the FMSC MobilePack event our school is hosting this spring. It was quite slow, but around 4:45 p.m. one of the guys on my brother floor walked in. He browsed for at least ten minutes, and afterwards he ambled up to the counter with a bag of Hebrew coffee in his hands.
"How much?" I said. "$2? $1? Give as little or as much as you like." I wasn't expecting much for a small bag of ground coffee. Out of my surprise, my expectations were blown away.
"I was thinking $10."
I just sat there, jaw dropped and my eyes wide.
"Or actually, all I have is a $20 bill, so how about I just give it all?"
This time my heart stopped. $20 for a bag of coffee? You wouldn't even pay that much for a fresh ground bag at Starbuck's or Caribou.
"Uhhhh... Wait... Are you sure?"
"It is for a good cause, isn't it?"
"Why yes... well ummmm, thank you. Thank you so much!"
Then he walked up the stairs.

In the moments after he left, I sat there motionless. I couldn't focus on the Bible commentary in my hands anymore. All I could think was, "Why would someone give so much for something so little?"
But isn't that what God did for us?
He came down into the earth in flesh and bones, and sacrificed his body for all of humankind on the cross. He gave his Son as a living sacrifice so we could be redeemed and made whole again.
This is the ultimate gift.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
 

Some of you may have heard this verse over and over again as a child in Sunday school, but I want you to really focus on what it means.
It was out of authentic, pure and righteous love that God gave his highest prized possession (his Son) to redeem the wickedness of the world. We don't deserve one bit of this love. But out of His grace, we are released from our chains and are free to live in joy, peace, and goodness!

As I reflect on the wonder of God's sacrifice, I ponder about what I am hanging on to that could release more of God's kingdom into this earth if I let it go.
My pride.
My greed.
My fear.
These are only three of the things I struggle with. What if I decided to leave pride, greed and fear on the side of the road and run after God's arms like never before?
Pride and greed would be replaced wtih HUMILITY. God's strength would come alive in my weakness.
See the truth is, God will never turn us away. No matter how broken and messed up we are. Maybe it's time to start sacrificing the things holding you up tight for something that may not seem like the most self-satisfying in the moment, but for something that honors and glorifies the King through meekness and humble devotion.

It's time to remember that our bodies, possessions, emotions, actions and words were all created by the King for one purpose: to glorify the King, the maker of the universe and everything in it.
Everything we own really isn't ours. Everything that has been given to us is a blessing from above, and we need to use it to magnify His name - whether that be our earthly possessions, our talents or our personality.
We were made to worship.

"Love the Lord your God with all your HEART, and with all your SOUL and with all your MIND." (Matthew 22:37)

So I challenge you. Take time to evaluate your heart's motives behind every word that rattles off your tongue and every action your hands and feet make. Do they bring glory and praise to the King? Or are they self-glorifying, bringing satisfaction for a moment but in the long run destroying you?

Give it all to Jesus. He's worthy of every penny, every smile, every car ride, every phonecall, every basketball shoot, every paintbrush stroke, every stir of the spoon, and every other way that can be used to show off his glory. :)

A Brother's Cry

Today at work I was very heavy-hearted.
As I scrambled around trying to keep the cookie jar full, stack the cups away, wipe down the counters, and various other little jobs to keep the cafeteria spick and span, I noticed something that broke my heart.
A guy sitting alone at a table.
It's not unusual to see a person sitting or standing by himself in a public area, and typically it's something our eyes skip over every day. But I couldn't stop but stare at him for a moment.
And it wasn't because of his appearence or that I knew him. It was because he was ALONE.
Here's the question that crossed my mind:
Why is it that as Christians we can go out and love those who don't know Jesus, but we can't show love to those within our own community?
I'm not saying that the Church is doing a terrible job at caring for its community. And I'm not saying that we don't love our brothers and sisters in Christ. But, I do wonder... Do we minimize or overshadow the needs of others in the body of Christ simply because they share the same faith as us?
If I was to pose the same scenario to you in the cafeteria today, but let's say the student was a visitor, then how would that change the dynamics? I think it would change them drastically. Since the person isn't a regular, people would notice that and jump in and include this person into their culture.
So why don't we include the student sitting alone in the cafeteria, the elderly man standing alone in the foyer before church begins, or the girl at the end of the hallway who never seems to leave her room?

1. One potential reason is fear. We are so afraid of going out of our way to meet the needs of others because it can mess with our image, expectations or schedule. Or maybe it's not necessarily that -- maybe it's because we're afraid to talk with people we don't know. We cannot allow fear to rule us any longer. Go against the norm, and stop allowing fear to get in the way of stepping out and showing someone you care!
2. Secondly, I think sometimes our minds trick us by telling us that "someone else will love them, so I don't have to". NO! This is a lie. You may be the only person in someone's day that snaps them a smile, wishes them a hello, or asks how they are doing. Never assume that a person will receive love from someone else. Don't let this mirage of thought ruin your chance to make someone's day!

Maybe we don't notice it, but maybe our brothers and sisters in Christ are secretely screaming, "I want to be included! If you are my brother or sister, show me the love of Christ!" inside of them.
WE MUST LEARN TO LOVE LIKE CHRIST LOVED.
And how did He love? 1 John 3:16-18 tells us well.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
 

I loved the second sentence of this passage. We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
Surrendering your life is the ultimate form of sacrifice, and this is what Jesus is calling us to. Jesus literally laid down His life for us, so in order to love like He loved, we must lay down our lives for others (maybe not in a literal sense, but we still need to take this very seriously).
In Matthew 22:39, Jesus also commands us to "love your neighbor as yourself." How much do you love yourself? One way to look at it is to see how much you spend on yourself. How much money do you invest into a new wardrobe, a new car, an education, your cell phone bill, etc? We spend a lot of time feeding the selfishness rotting away at the inner core of our being. What if we were counter-cultural, and instead of always thinking about "me, me, me", what if we shifted our focus inside-out to put the needs and desires of others before our own?
To truly love is to set aside one's own desires and comforts to meet the silent pleas of those around you.
God places us in every moment and situation for a reason. If we don't step into the gap and love the person who's all alone now, who knows what could happen to them next? They could commit suicide because of the brokenness they feel. They could start cutting themselves. You never know what a person's next action will be, and the best thing you can do is always show them that they are loved through a simple smile or "hello".
So I challenge you.
Recognize people.
Spark up a conversation with a fellow student in the halls.
Stop judging people based on their outer appearance or even their reputation. Because height, weight, hair color, clothing style, economic status, personality and past mistakes are just masks covering a person's soul.
Look past the facade and answer the cries of the lonely both inside and outside the Church.

This Little Light Of Mine

Last night I locked myself out of the house I live in. Thankfully, all I needed to do was call my roommate and ask her to bring my keys downstairs to the door.

She did just that, and the second I turned around, an elderly Somali woman was standing stationary in the middle of the sidewalk, her dark eyes glued on me.

I caught myself off-guard. Was their something about my appearance that bothered her? Was their something foreign on my clothing?

As nerve-wracking thoughts continued to rush through my head, I decided to approach the woman and ask her how she was. She mumbled something in her native language I could not understand. I asked her to repeat, and she pointed to the large smokey grey house that I call home.

I still couldn't understand her words, even with the gesture that accompanied her words. So I simply mustered, "This building is a residence house of North Central University."

She nodded, with a blank expression splatted across her wrinkled face. No words.

Awkwardly, I continued the conversation: "You have a beautiful purple scarf." The woman had a floral patterned violet scarf wrapped around her head, as many Muslim women do.

Her face lit up in a gorgeous smile. Although her teeth were yellow and crooked, a tangible joy appeared that wasn't there before.

The woman started rambling off some more words that were alien to me, and I just stood there in awe.

The self-conscious thoughts that flooded my head before faded in a snap. I suddenly realized that my simple compliment had a profound effect on this woman's emotions.

A brief yet insightful moment with a stranger where a piece of Jesus' love was revealed. How many of these experiences have you had with people? Maybe it was with a homeless man on the street, a businessman in the elevator, or a mom with three kids in the line at the grocery store.

There's a special kind of terminology I like to use when describing situations like this. Dr. Watson, a popular and lovable professor at my college, unofficially coined the phrase.

"divine appointment" - n.

A divine appointment is where God sovereignly brings people together to accomplish His will.
Sometimes it involved two people who know each other already. Other times, and in many cases, God draws the paths of two unfamilar and quite opposite people together.
This is what happened with me. A Christian 20-year-old college student meets an elderly Muslim woman. Two opposite ends of a spectrum clashing together. And it wasn't an accident.
In these scenarios, the Lord uses His sheep to reach the ones who are not in the pen of the Shepherd yet. Sometimes it's through the telling of the full Gospel message, other times it's just through a simple bit of encouragement that plants a seed. Either way, God treasures these moments. They are priceless in history.

Sadly, it is seldom that we remember or find value in brief interactions with people. As Americans, we tend to hurry through our days with one thing planted on our minds. Usually we're just thinking of where we're going and how we're going to get there.

People we pass along the way are merely living and breathing pieces of scenery. How sad is that?

What if, instead, we looked at people as how God sees them rather than judging them based on their physical appearance, past and character? We were all created beautifully in God's eyes.

Yesterday I was reminded of one simple truth.

Every second we spend on this planet is an opportunity to be a light. Whether we're surrounded by people or not, we still have a choice to make. Will I harness this moment and glorify God with it, or will I waste it away and make it something meaningless?

Time is a gift from God. We should never take one minute of this life for granted.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:14)

Never expect that you will awaken tomorrow morning and be able to fix all of today's mistakes. If God is knocking on your heart to forgive, forgive NOW. If He is calling you to confession, then pour out your brokenness before the throne. Be always listening for the voice of the Holy Spirit and be obedient to His promptings.

Besides having a constant awareness of the still, small voice the Lord loves to speak through, go out and spread the Good News to those who are lost. God calls us to be children of light (Ephesians 5:8).

I think the Lord has placed three basic callings on our lives:

1. To love the Lord with all of our hearts, souls, and minds

2. A specific vocational calling (missionary, businessman, church nursery provider, etc.)

3. To reach out to the broken-hearted

God longs for each one of his sons and daughters to come home to Him and call Him "Father". We, as Christians, are His instruments.

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

We have some pretty big shoes to fill as we walk this planet. Although it may be overwhelming at times, remember that the Lord has given us authority over darkness and he is the ultimate source of power and strength.

Allow the Lord to place divine appointments in your life. Pray for them. Hunger for them. Seek them out. There are hundreds of people who cross your path every day who don't know the Lord, and all it takes is one simple "hello". I believe the Lord arranges divine appointments for us every day, but we are only able to experience these when we are in tune to His voice.

Live out the catchy song your teachers taught you in Sunday school.

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine...

Let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine.

Jumping Off A Cliff

The other night, I was having a conversation with my roommate and one of the girls we live next to. We sprawled down on the bright red carpet in our PJs and started talking about church, just as the clock striked midnight.
The girl who lives next door brought up the message her pastor gave in church earlier that morning. It was about the Apocolype, and it really caught my attention.
Trapped between phrases about such things as the mark of the beast and the rapture was a statement that stood out like an elephant in a room.
If God is calling you to something now, then why remain stagnant where you're at?
If Jesus was to come tonight, would you be satisfied with where you're at? Or would you be dissapointed because you didn't obey God's calling on your life?
I'm not trying to push any guilt on you, but this is a real question with serious results. Eternal results.
So, what are you waiting for?
Maybe you're waiting to pursue your dream. Maybe you're waiting to volunteer at church. Or maybe you're waiting to build a relationship with the people in your neighbordhood. Whatever it may be, my next question for you is WHY.
Why are you continuously waiting when you could drop everything you have now and go for it?
Obviously, there are factors.

1. Money. Money is probably the biggest game player in the decision-making field. In our society, people lock themselves into situations because of the dollar signs sprewn across everything.
2. People have a huge influence on us. And when I say "huge", I mean it. People have expectations of us and it's almost like we are living life as a puppet attatched to the strings people have placed on us. If we dissapoint someone close in our lives, then that would lead to emotional pain.
3. Another deal breaker is success. What if you don't succeed at following your passion? What if everything starts tumbling downwards and people don't support you? The thought of failure terrifies us.

But guess what?
In God's story for our life, these factors hardly play a role. God doesn't care if you're Bill Gates or living in the slums of New York. God doesn't pay attention to all the other voices screaming "no" at you. God won't be dissapointed in you if you mess up -- because FAILURE IS GOD'S WAY OF SHOWING THAT WE ARE BROKEN AND NEED HIM DAILY.
Our generation has become too comfortable with the satisfactory. We're scared of pursuing excellence because it would involve risk.
What we need to come to grasp is that God is the author of our life and His story for our life is perfect.
He is the one who created us in our mother's womb.
He is the one who held our hand as a child as we suffered abuse, rejection and loneliness.
He is the one who provided everything you have.
Right now, He is still walking alongside you. The Holy Spirit lives within each of us, and He will always PROTECT and LOVE you, through whatever circumstance comes your way.
Although God has given us freedom to choose our path, He knows that His calling on our life is best. We need to learn to trust God and not doubt Him.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." (Proverbs 3:5-8)
 

Even though it's so easy to fall victim to doubt, be strong and listen to God's voice.
Go ahead, jump off the cliff you've been standing on and dive into the place God is calling you to. The waters may be deep and unclear, but God will be by your side the entire time.
No, some of the things God tells us to do might not make sense. Logically, it may not make sense for you to drop out of school, travel overseas and build an orphanage in the place you feel that the Lord is calling you to. Where would you get to money to do that? Where you would stay? What if you aren't successful? These are some of the eerie thoughts that can creep into our minds when we picture ourselves where we feel like God is leading us.
Be strong in the Lord and stand up against the lies coming against you. Allow the Lord to be your shield that deters the attacks of the enemy.

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." (Psalm 18:2)
 

Whoever you may be, God has a beautiful and magnificent plan for your life. If you haven't discovered it yet, seek Him and He will reveal it in His timing. He loves you so much and would never lead you down a path of destruction.
Remember, when we give God the steering wheel of our life, then He will take us to places we could never imagine before. It's a completely exhiriating and risky experience, but in the end it's all worth it.

Magazine

This past week, my family went on a 24-hour road trip. We all squeezed our overly packed bags and selves into my mom's mini van, and set out for the highway.
Along the way, I pulled out my younger sister's magazine. On the cover of the August edition of Seventeen, a hefty slogan in bold type screamed, "Get Everything You Want This Year!" The neon orange letters captivated me, and I found myself drooling over pages filled with the latest fashions, make-up & hair tips, and relationship advice.
It's crazy how much our success-driven culture promotes materialism. Every advertisement, article, and photo seems to secretly say, "Your [apperance, house, car... whatever it may be], isn't good enough. It will never be good enough, until you buy this product. Then you will be truly happy."
In Seventeen, a magazine whose target audience is made up of 13 to 15-year-old teenage girls, almost every advertisement features a brand name fashion designer or make-up. These pages are silently tearing down the self-esteem of young girls. Thoughts such as, "I'm not pretty enough" or "No guy would every like me" race through their heads.
Trust me, I was at that stage. And I still catch myself falling for these lies.
Even as a Christian, it's easy to get caught up in the smartly crafted phrases that magazine editors marvel over. Their cunning is their bait, and we are easy to fall for it. Our greed puckers up and hastens us to rip through the slippery magazine pages until our eyes fall upon the article that tells us how to get everything we ever wanted.
So, how can we learn to defeat the greed that ignites when we read magazines, watch TV, or walk through stores?
First of all, when we give in to the cravings of our heart and buy everything we want, despair soon follows.

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." (1 Timothy 6:9)

True joy and contentment can only come from the Lord.
When we follow the Lord's commandments, then and ONLY then can we find real happiness.

"The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart." (Psalm 19:8)

Instead of following the world's ways and desiring after more and more, choose to live a life rooted in the Lord's goodness and mercy. He is Provider.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)

Here's the mind-blower: We don't need anything in this life besides the Lord.
When we firmly believe this and start making Him our number one priority, then He will start providing everything else we need.
What if you gave God your wallet and let Him spend it however He wanted to?
Instead of "Get Everything You Want This year!", get everything GOD wants this year.

Lost Keys

Let me share a story with you.
Today started off as being another normal day at work... until I lost the keys. I had set them down on the counter directly in front of one of the registers, and five minutes later they were gone. No one knew where they were.
I started searching frantically, in hopes of finding them mixed in with the clumps of paper scraps in the garbage can or behind one of the grey bins on the floor. I opened every drawer, picked up every rug, and looked in every crack behind the cashwrap counter. Nothing.
By the time an hour-and-a-half was up, it was time for me to take my 15 minute break. I stumbled to the backroom, panicking in tears as my eyes started to swell up. I was on the verge of having an emotional breakdown.
When I returned to the salesfloor, I continued looking for the keys, up and down the counter and in and out of all the different openings they could have fallen in to. Another hour-and-a-half passed by until I finally gave up and went on my hour break.
Such a silly situation to beat yourself up on and allow it to wreck your day, right?
I was becoming physically, mentally and emotionally stressed over a misplaced object. I couldn't focus on doing any other part of my job and I became extremely frustrated and impatient with customers.
As I was sitting in my car during my hour break, one of my friends reminded me of this Bible verse:

"I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)

The context of this verse is Jesus telling the disciples that He is going to leave them, and He is reassuring them that peace will travel with them.
I think this same peace that was with the disciples over 2,000 years ago can occupy our minds and our hearts now if we accept it.
There are going to be issues that arise. This world isn't perfect. In fact, we cannot depend on anything the world offers or says.
As one of the professors at my college is renowned for saying, "The world may fail you, but God is faithful." I love that last little bit. God is faithful.
We don't have to be troubled or worried, over the smallest of problems (like my own) or even the biggest of problems (a family member's death, a job loss, etc.).
As the Lord started speaking to me about His peace and His faithfulness, I was reminded that I belong to the Lord and nothing can ever separate me from His love.
My little freakout today, well, that's nothing in the book of troubles people in this world have faced. So what ended up happening after my lunch hour was over?
I walked back into work, head up high and a smile slapped across my face. Worry had no control over me anymore.
And no, I never did end up finding the keys. But that'ss okay. God taught me a huge lesson through such a tiny circumstance in the scheme of things.
Whenever worry or fear starts to inch in, remind yourself of this verse:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Reminiscing

The evening was coming to a close and I was just about to drop my friend off at his house for the night. I pulled my white Pontiac into his driveway, and all of a sudden we started reminiscing old memories from high school.

We talked about the dances, the parties, our teachers, relationships... all the juicy drama that was alive and running only two years ago. We spilled EVERYTHING.

As I was reflecting on everything that happened, both the good and the ugly, I started sketching an image of myself of who I was in high school.

The words that distinctly described me would be sweet, shy, innocent and sheltered.

I was the girl who hardly had an awareness of anything happening in my group of friends.

See, I hung out with the band geeks. I became part of the "clique" during 8th grade, and all through high school we had lockers next to each other and had parties at each other's houses.

I was kind of the outsider in the group, though. Especially when I started dating my football player boyfriend who was a year young than all of us in 11th grade.

As my friend and I chattered in my car about all the high school drama -- the break-ups, the hook-ups, the fights -- I realized how disconnected I was from everything happening. It made me a bit discouraged.

But as I was thinking about it later, the Lord spoke to me. He told me that all through high school he had me in this group of friends for a reason -- not to become "BFFs" with, but to keep me surrounded by people who wouldn't harm me or take advantage of me emotionally or physically. He knew the friends I associated with wouldn't remain in my life forever, but they would be people who I could trust. It was God's way of protecting me even while I was still at a distance from Him.

Now that I look back on it all, I praise the Lord and thank Him for everything He did to keep me under the shelter of His wings. Even through my first year of college, he held me tightly in His arms and surrounded me with a completely new support system of Christian friends and mentors. I was in a battle that only the place I was at could have survived it was in the community I was involved in.

It's crazy to look back on is how much I've grown from my freshman year of high school to my current stage of life. The Lord has totally transformed my heart in only six years.
My relationship with the Lord is secure.

My friendships with others are deep.

My passions have been revamped.

I am not the awkward, insecure girl I was at the start of my teenage years. God has delivered me from a broken relationship, mended my broken heart, and pulled me closer to Him than I've ever been before. I don't need to be the social butterfly who knows everything going on, and I can be okay with failure and weakness. Because my God is stronger than any trial or fear that comes against me. I can put my whole trust in Him and know that He has His arms wrapped tightly around me.

I was singing a worship song today, and the bridge went like this:

I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh my fail
My God you never will 

("Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship)

This is my anthem during this season of my life.

I am not who I once was. I have been made new.

A Sudden Ache

I was reading a news story today about how extreme monsoon flooding in northeast India has displaced nearly 2 million people. I was utterly shocked at the amount of damage; over 60 people are dead and it is one of the worst disasters this region has seen in over a decade.

After becoming informed about the disaster, my thoughts began to race into action.
What can I do to help? These people have lost all hope. I need to jump on a plane and provide food and water for them.

Complete nonsense. I can't afford a $1,000 plane ticket to India, nonetheless can I simply stop working and spend a month in a foreign country with no place to stay.

Sometimes our instantaneous desires are out of the question.

But God reminded me of something as I pondered this idea.

"You can PRAY."
That's what He said, clear in my head. The wheels in my brain stopped for a moment.

So, I can say a little prayer, and that will be enough? I don't need to do anything else?

First off, no prayer is "little." No matter how short it is and no matter if you use 1st grade vocabulary without the big fancy words.

God hears every prayer shouted, spoken, whispered, and said silently in your head.

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy." (Psalm 116:1)

Secondly, God doesn't call us to solve every hurt and need on the planet. Our hearts may ache to help those who suffer and have experienced great loss, but before our foot takes one step ahead of our hearts we must ask the Lord if it is the right path for us. And while we do that, we must pray continuously and passionately for the situation we empathize with.
God has a very specific plan for every one of us, but one thing he calls each of us to is prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

Next time you read about a horrible event in your state or halfway across the world, do not be discouraged if you cannot help out. God has you in the season and place you're in for a reason; embrace that and be prayerful on all occasions.

White Lines

There's a man named Hezekiah in the Bible. His father, King Ahaz, was an evil ruler. He sacrificed Hezekiah's brothers to false gods, closed up the temple, and led people in idol worship.

When Hezekiah became the new king at 25-years of age, he had a long history of dysfunction and rebellion behind him. He had to choose whether or not to follow in the footsteps of his forefathers or set a new path for Israel.

"[Hezekiah] did what was right in the eyes of the Lord." (2 Chronicles 29:2)

Hezekiah made huge alterations when he stepped in to rule Jerusalem. He reopened the doors of the temple, gave burnt offerings to the Lord, and essentially brought all of Israel back to the Lord.

What made him different than the kings before him?

He had faith.

He was a prayer warrior.

Hezekiah didn't allow himself to be trapped by his past -- he took a bold step of faith and followed the Lord, even though the crowd before him was going the opposite way!

Just like Hezekiah, you may have a long line of dysfunction in your family. Maybe there are drunkards, drug addicts, and sex offenders. Maybe all your grandparents, aunts, and uncles have gotten divorced. Maybe it's less serious; maybe there's just a lot of bitterness and hard hearts present.

Whatever the depth of the problem, the Lord is greater than it. He wipes away all of our history and makes us NEW.

So what do we do now?

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Keep praying. It may take years, even decades, for a mountain of brokenness to crumble. But know this: PRAYER MOVES MOUNTAINS.
Keep praying fervently and passionately for your family like Hannah did when she cried out to the Lord for a son. If you really want something, the Lord will give it to you!

 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

Also, be patient with your family members! When argument sparks, don't be one to spread the flames of conflict.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Lastly, be hopeful and excited for the new adventure God can take you on when you allow Him to guide your path. Giving up our own plans can be painful, but being obedient to God's plan can bring you to even bigger and brighter places than you could ever imagine! 

The scribbly white lines of brokenness, ugliness and failure that have been etched across your chalkboard don't have to stay anymore. Let God erase your past and allow him to be the author of your new life in Him!

Keyhole

A girl at work today was telling me about a tattoo she wanted to get. A keyhole on the back of her neck.

I had seen pictures of the tattoo floating around the Internet before, but I never actually understood what the symbolism of it was until my co-worker explained it to me.

She said the keyhole represents the opening of a new chapter in her life. A new chapter in this book we call "life".

I began to think about the season the Lord has been taking me through.

BROKENNESS.

I've been learning to let go of things in my past. And trust me, it hasn't been an easy journey. I've held a bitter attitude towards many things pressing on my heart -- things in my past I'm ashamed to come to terms with. I've also argued with the Lord and tried to hide things from Him.

I realized that I've been incredibly immature in my behavior. Why? Because the Lord already knows all of my failures. There's no point in attempting to cover them.

"I the Lord search the heart." (Jeremiah 17:10)

There's a point where you need to admit that you are weak. You are exhausted and messed up, and the only one able to take away your burdens is the Lord.

It's when we are reduced to utter weakness and are persuaded that we can do nothing whatever that God will do everything.

He will run to us when we are poor and defeated, and lead us with strong hands to overcome. He is our strength when we are weak, our Rock and Redeemer.

"God is our REFUGE and STRENGTH." (Psalm 46:1)

We must give total control of our situation to the Lord.

Holding onto the past can seem harmless; but the fact is that the past digs a hole in our heart, ever so slowly but ever so deeply, that we become attached to it. When we try to let go of the past, we can't, because we're too comfortable with it.

We have become afraid of discomfort and uncertainty in the present.

We're frightened of being vulnerable, because being vulnerable highlights our weaknesses and tells others we have nothing together. It also makes us an easy target for people to hurt us.

What's cool, though, is that God sees it entirely different.

Once we are vulnerable, God can fill us and lead us to a brand new start into a new situation and a new dependence on Him.

He washes us with His love and mercy, and we become empty of ourselves.

"You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."(1 Corinthians 6:11)

The Lord gives us lavish cleansing. All of our dirt is wiped away, and he starts picking up the broken pieces and fitting them together into something beautiful. He's the perfect Puzzlemaker.

Let the Lord wash you.

In John 13, when Jesus is washing the disciples' feet, He tells Peter that,

"Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." (John 13:8)

We must allow the Lord to come into our hearts and cleanse us of all our brokenness from the past. We must allow Him to love us FULLY.
Let Him sanctify you. As my friend described it, "give yourself away so the Lord can use you."
When we forget what's behind us and reach towards the path the Lord has for us, we are turning the keyhole into the next season of our life.
Be vulnerable and allow the Lord open that door.

Roots

Every morning I water the flowers in my grandma's garden. I wake up, and to the raspy call of my grandma's voice outside, I hustle out the door to the hose and fill up the water can to the brim. I water each plant steadily, making sure it gets enough water it needs to stays healthy and strong.
It's not the most exciting job in the world. Sometimes I even complain about the two whole minutes it takes to water each of the 10 flower pots.

But my grandma wants her garden to look fresh, colorful, and bright for her neighbors. And so I consistently remain devoted to helping her out.

This whole process of watering flowers is similar to our walk with the Lord.

We each are plants -- uniquely and carefully planted by the Sower. Some of us may be daffodils, shimmering the brightest yellow in the sunlight; others tulips and lilies. No matter what the plant, we all have special gifts and beautiful features the Lord has given us.

"We are flowers of God's garden, 

Bright as the morning sun, 
Fresh as the dawn
Lovely in differences, 
Varied in loveliness, 
we are the flowers of humanity." (Song Lyrics, Artist Unknown)

In order for plants to stay alive and grow most abundantly, they must be watered and fed daily so their roots can grow deep and thick into the soil. The same must occur in our walk with the Lord: We must drink "living water" and give ourselves "daily bread" in order for our spiritual roots to strengthen.

WE SHOULD DESIRE A FAITH WITH ROOTS PLANTED DEEP IN THE WORD OF THE LORD.
In order to develop and maintain this kind of faith, we must first be good fertilizers of our hearts and souls.

We must cultivate good, rich soil for the roots to grow in. A plant can't grow in thorns, rocks, or sand. It needs to be planted in healthy soil rich in vitamins and minerals. Similarly, we must have a healthy foundation for our faith that will fervently and relentlessly soak in God's Word.

There's no room for garbage in our soil. We must remove the junk -- our past, our secrets, our pride, our sin -- from the ground and burn it. There's no more room for unhealthy weights on our shoulders. Uproot your hard heart and let the Lord shower seeds of goodness and righteousness into your life.

But it's not just pure and healthy soil you need for your spiritual roots to grow. Once the rocks and weeds are plowed out of the way, you must take time to allow the Sower to pour His "living water" over your life every day.

"For I will pour out water to quench your thirst." (Isaiah 44:3)

The Lord says He will fill us, we just need to be willing and obedient to the outpouring of His "living water". So what happens when we drink this "living water"?

"But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life." (John 4:14)

The result is exactly like Jesus told the disciples in the New Testament. A new spring will bubble inside of us! And just like a spring in the earth is the source of every creek, stream and river, the new spring inside of us will be the source of thicker and stronger roots of faith.
Let us be like the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:10-14. When we are feeling weak and weary in our bodies and spirit, let us run to the well where we can be filled again. The Lord is always waiting and ready to show you something new and pull you deeper than you've ever been with Him.

Pearl

There's a really cool story found in Matthew 13:45-46. It's short, but incredibly powerful.

There's an ordinary merchant, no one special, just a normal human being like any one of us. He spends his days working -- searching for items to sell, and then putting them up on the market. One day he finds an pearl that is far more valuable than any of the previous pearls he's found. He becomes so excited, that he sells everything he owns to buy it.

EVERYTHING. This merchant runs into his house and turns all of his possessions in for the money he needs to buy the pearl. A simple pearl.

Why would he do this? Are all of his possessions REALLY worth the value of one simple pearl?

Let's look at it from our own perspective. Many of us have items we crave and desire -- the latest model pf a Mercedes vehicle, a Victorian-style home on the beach, an entire new wardrobe, etc. But we just don't have the finances to afford these highly coveted items. Instead, we put them in "wish lists" and spend our time dreaming about the day when we will ever get a raise at work to afford the cabin on the lake we always wanted.

Okay, I'm going to give you a make-believe scenario. What if you sold all of your furniture, clothes, cars, food, daily knick-knacks, and everything else you owned just so you could receive your dream item? That would be pretty silly, if you ask me.

But that's what the merchant did for this pearl. He sacrificed all of the things that gave him comfort just for this one pearl. If I was in this merchant's shoes, I don't think I'd have the guts to sell everything I own.

The pearl in this parable represents the Kingdom of Heaven. I caught myself off-guard when these two questions popped into my head after reading and studying this short Bible story:

Do I value the Kingdom of God as much as the merchant valued the pearl? Am I willing to sacrifice everything, even the things that will hurt, so I can grow closer to the Lord?

Peter wrote an awesome Bible verse in 1 Peter 2:2.

"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation."

I love the metaphor he paints of babies symbolizing believers, craving whole milk from their mother's womb. As believers, we are to thirst and hunger for the Holy Spirit.

Our hearts should never be satisfied with what the world offers us. We must always be yearning and have a passion inside of us stirring deeper and deeper for the Lord.
Why? Because the Lord desired us FIRST!
James puts it this way in James 4:5:
"God JEALOUSLY longs for the spirit that He made to live in us."
Therefore, intimacy with the Lord is not a negotiable value. The Lord is our Creator; He formed us inside of our mother's womb before we opened ours eyes and saw the earth. He is our Father who clings to His children, wrapping His arms around us and loving on us with every speck of His being.
So how do we give the same attention to God as he gives to us? How can we experience a deeper relationship with the Lord?

I think there are two things the Lord requires of us for Him to pour out even more of His spirit on us.

We must first be WILLING, and then OBEDIENT to what He calls us to.

1. A willing heart is a heart that's inclined to draw close to the Lord and submit to Him.

This is the first step in drawing closer to the Lord. When we surrender our worldly desires and selfish attitude, we become true followers of Christ. Our minds and hearts are free of evil, and the spirit within us that the Lord has created longs and yearns to draw close to the Lord.

Then, we must be willing to accept everything He allows to cross our path while serving Him. The journey may be rough, and challenges WILL come our way, but if we stay planted in the Lord, then He will not let the waves of the storm surrounding us crash onto us.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul." (Hebrews 6:19)

2. An obedient heart is a heart that responds to the Lord's call, no matter what the sacrifice.

After our hearts are compelled by a pure and wholesome desire to draw close to the Lord, then we must take action. We cannot remain stagnant. We must obey the Father and alter our lives so we are glorifying Him in every way. Each footstep, no matter how small or big, pulls us closer to the His heart and the plans He has for us.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and He will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you!" (James 4:7-8)

I've been in a season of waiting and learning. During this time, the Lord has spoken to me and showed me the things I need to let go of in order to become closer to Him. I've fought, complained, and nagged at the Lord for making these things the "deer in the headlights" in my line of sight. But after praying and letting His Living Word seep further and further into my heart, my lips have silenced. My selfishness lost the battle. I'm ready to plunge into the deep end and experience a greater glimpse of the Lord's touch on my life.

"If you look for me WHOLEHEARTEDLY you will find me." (Jeremiah 29:13)

We're Not Spiritual Robots

A question popped into my head recently.

What do you live for?

It was in the rush of customers dashing around tables and mannequins, arms overflowing with pieces of clothing barely hanging on the hanger. I was scurrying from the back room to the cashwrap when I caught myself off-guard.

I've been working at Gap Outlet for almost three years now. I've learned to love my job, mostly for the people I work with but also for the tasks I get to do every day. I love engaging with a variety of people and tackling new responsibilities.

But I'm also very competitive. This is where my achiever strength comes in (taken from StrengthsFinder 2.0). I always want to be the best at EVERYTHING at my job. Fitting room, cashiering, recovery, visual merchandising, etc. I strive to give the best effort for everything I work at.

It's not bad to have this kind of goal, but sometimes I become tangled in a mindset of achievement -- and with this comes greed and pride.

The Bible warns us about these sins in Proverbs 16:5.

"Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished."

There needs to be a fine line between wanting to do my best and letting my sinful nature take over my heart with arrogance. I needed to redefine the purpose of my role at work, let alone at every other place I encounter throughout my days.

I responded to the first question in my head with a second: "Well, is what I'm doing honoring God?"

Is ringing up a customer and offering the Gap card to them honoring God? Is whispering about other associates in the back room honoring God? Is folding a shirt honoring God?

Some of these questions may sound silly, and they may be hard to answer, but here's the truth laid plain out in 1 Corinthians 10:31:

"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

That verse says ALL. Everything. Every piece. Every bit. Every something. All for His glory!
But how do we devote every word and every action to the Lord? It's seemingly impossible to have a mindset that's automatically programmed to worshiping the Lord. We can't be spiritual robots on praise mode all the time (if that was the case, we wouldn't have free choice as humans!).

The key is TRYING. Really watching your tongue when you speak, see God's people through His lens, and serving with the hands and feet of Jesus.

Yes, we're going to slip. There's going to be days where the F-bomb slips and the behind-your-back gossip happens.

But keep going. Don't give up. God's grace still covers you!

If our motivation behind every human capability is honoring the Lord, then the results will eventually start lining up. We'll learn new things through trial and error, and walk through seasons that will shape us greater into the people of God we were created to be.

The thing to remember: Molding is a process. It takes time. Take the potter, for example. The potter slaps out a chunk of clay and forms it with his hands into a pot on a potting wheel. The potting wheel rotates round and round thousands of times before the pot is in its correct shape and smooth enough to be a pot sold at the marketplace.

"LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

Be patient for the Lord's working on you. Take heart and live for the Lord in the moment, and with time He will transform you into the person of God you were meant to be.

Grocery Store

Ready, set, go! Grocery shopping time. You park the mini van in the parking lot and hustle in, list-in-hand and ready to dash through the aisles in record time. Immediately after the door opens, you grab a cart and scramble down the produce aisle. Finally, you make your way through the meat, deli, dairy and dry food departments until making your way into the checkout line.

You must be wondering why I've described such a well-known weekly activity among Americans. Almost every family does it, whether they bring their kids to cry through the whole experience or if it's just mom picking up a gallon of 2% milk after work so breakfast can still exist in the morning. Not much thought or emotion is put into the trip.

That's unless memories are carved into that place. When we are brought back to locations of our past, flashbacks slide through our minds of who we once were at that point in time and the chills start to run through our back.

Ambling through the aisles of the grocery store and being stared down by half of the employees automatically thrust those thoughts into my head. Just because I used to date one of the dairy boys.

Surroundings from our past have a keen ability to haunt us of "what once was". Although their appearance may change with time, the exact location does not. A capsule of time is ground into that portion of space.

If you've even gone back to your childhood home or your old elementary school, it would be a similar experience. You remember running through the sprinkler with your siblings on the lawn during the summer, or being put in detention in Mrs. Axel's classroom for two hours after school. Your mind becomes a roll of colored film.

Sometimes past experiences can be joyous and delightful; other times experiences can be painful and quarrelsome with our current self.

Such as times when we started ignoring a friend at school because they weren't "cool" enough for us anymore.

Or in our teenage years when we used to cut during the late hours of night in our room.

Or in the car at the park when we had sex with that guy.

Visiting these places in our past can be a deep struggle and bring a huge amount of regret.

But God didn't create us to live with a guilty conscience. His Son died on the cross so that we may be SAVED from our sin... our past.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

We are justified and redeemed through the blood of the Lamb. We have been made holy and righteous with Him! Nothing can separate us from the Lord. No lie. No failure. No sin. NOTHING.

This doesn't mean we are forever broken free from our past, however. God still allows us to walk through adversity and hardship so we can learn to put our full trust in Him and experience His grace abundantly.

If we didn't struggle with anything, then we wouldn't have any reason for a Savior.

All believers have some kind of junk on their plate. Whether it's presently visible or hidden in the shadows of the past, everyone has their secrets.

The thing that makes some stronger than others is how they deal with their junk. Do they give it to the Lord, or do they mope around with it all day, whining and complaining about their consistent failures?

When we hand our weaknesses over to the Lord, then His strength is made complete in those weaknesses. There's something mysterious and powerful about laying our sin down at the foot of the cross. The Lord picks it up, puts it on His shoulders, and with a smile He says, "Child, you have been made whole."

We don't need to compare ourselves anymore to the person we were in our past. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, Paul writes that we have been transformed into a new creation!

Live in that truth. Allow the Lord to release you of your past burdens, and walk free knowing full well His furious and passionate love for you!

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

My Paper Heart

Lately I've discovered how weak my heart is.

I've always struggled with self-worth and identity, just like 99.9% of the female population has. And through this, I tend to seek acceptance in the wrong things. I am constantly searching to find love from people, especially guys.

Acceptance has been my biggest life struggle.

I want to say I'll overcome it, I want to say I'll conquer it. But I'm intimidated of the journey. Scared I'll mess up along the way.

You see, I have this hole in my paper heart that I'm longing to fill with love from "that special someone". The problem? I fill the hole with gunk and temporary joy.

Maybe a guy will come along for a short period of time and make me "feel good" about myself. He'll enlighten my spirits, encourage me, and want to invest time in me. These kind actions soften my hearts toward him and make me vulnerable to fall into an emotional attachment to him. This has happened too many times in my life, at every stage in my walk with the Lord.

What I realized is that I need to empty this hole of desire momentarily, and fill it up with Jesus. Overflow it with Jesus.

I know this entire year I've been holding back. I'm continuously reminding myself to dig into the Word more, spend more personal time with the Lord, pray more, etc.

Instead, I've been filling my spacious moments with work, people, and entertainment. Not the Lord. I can honestly say that the Lord is not #1 in my life right now like He should be.

It chews away at me knowing that I'm not giving my whole heart and being to the Lord, but there's a part of me that is comfortable with it. I'm satisfied with doing other things that are less risky, and my sinful nature delights in ignoring the Lord when He calls upon me.

What I'm trying to say is that I just need to let go of searching for the person the Lord has destined me to cross path with. At least until I'm fully satisfied in Him, and He has my entire heart in His hands.

This is a quote that one of my brothers in Christ kept pounding into me:

"Don't seek opportunities. Seek the Lord, and the opportunities will follow." -Mark Batterson

Basically, what this is saying is that we, as humans, shouldn't always hunger towards our desires and wants. We need to maintain some sense of control and keep that freedom God-oriented, but at the same time, we need to be constantly seeking after the Lord and asking Him for His will in our lives. We need to LISTEN and OBEY.

When we become totally wrapped up in the Lord, and He is guiding our every step, then He will guide the right person we're meant to marry into our lives. Maybe they're been there all along, maybe they haven't. Who knows. Only the Lord.

It's kind of like that saying, "A girl needs to be so lost in the Lord, that a guy needs to seek Him to find her."

I need to shift my eyes back to the Lord and let Him captivate me as His daughter, princess and bride.

False Identity

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever strong enough to tackle the things burning deep inside my soul.
I want to forgive...I want to fight social injustice...I want to breath the Word of God in my everyday life... The list goes on. I have a fiery, burning passion for the plans and desires the Lord has given me, but there's one thing that always ties me up: FEAR.
And it's not necessarily fear of the outcome. It's fear of the process.
I'm terrified that I'll become activated and start working towards a goal, and then fail halfway through. I hate it. In my weakness I crumble and beat myself up.
Let me share a Bible story with you. It's found in Numbers 13:26-33. This is the period in history after the Israelites have been released from Egypt, and the Lord calls on Moses to send out 13 spies into the land of Canaan. The men travel all over the land, and when they return, they report their findings to Moses. They tell him that the land is rich and fertile, but something is standing in their way: people who are stronger than they are. Also known as "giants".
All but two of the spies doubt that they will be able to take over the land. They fear that the Israelites will be overtaken again, and so they end up staying in their current location.
The two spies who go against the majority are Caleb and Joshua. Caleb's boldness in verse 30 astounds me:
“We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”
No one else, besides Joshua, has faith in this action. This leads to the Israelites becoming consumed by fear, which then leads to their wandering in the wilderness for 40 years.
The problem with the Israelites was fear of the road ahead -- specifically the giants. They knew in their hearts the Lord had a land promised to them, but when they were faced with road barriers, they faded into the shadows of fear. Fear became a huge weight on their shoulders preventing them from stepping out in faith and trusting that the Lord would give them The Promised Land.
But even more so, the Israelites were too comfortable in their identity as slaves. It became their reality in Egypt, and being set free was something totally new and bizarre to the Israelites. They didn't know who they were without Pharoah's control over them.
Many times, we don't know who we are when we are given the freedom to chase after our dreams. The Lord thrusts an opportunity in our path pointing towards our dream, but we ignore it because we are too afraid of it. We're too used to the "comfortable" life we're living -- going to school, working a part-time job, hanging out with friends on the weekends, etc. When something new comes our way that captures our interest, we become empowered and excited, but when we discover the sacrifices we'll have to make in order to add it to our plate, a lot of the time we stumble and back away.
We have become enslaved by our comforts. I'm not saying that being in a comfortable position in life is bad, but we need to find a balance between living comfortably and taking risks for God's Kingdom and letting Him lead our lives. We need to put our FULL trust in the Lord, and believe that His way is the best way. Even though He may guide us through valleys, hills, and rocky roads, the end is a beautiful and fertile valley, springing with rich fruit the Lord has planted for us.
We also need to understand fully who we are in Christ. As humans, we tend to develop highly personal beliefs about ourselves that define us. Many times these are negative, and they scream into our ears everything that's messed up with us. Instead of listening to our own judgment of ourselves, or the enemy speaking lies in our heads, we need to OVERCOME these misinterpretations with truth from Scripture. Our identity needs to be rooted in who God calls us -- His children (John 1:12), His friend (John 15:15), justified (Romans 5:1), redeemed and forgiven (Colossians 1:13-14), anointed (2 Corinithians 1:21-22), citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)... etc.
God did not create us to be wallflowers or benchwarmers. He did not create us to play it safe and live life in the "safe" zone. He created us in His image to spread the good news of the Gospel by taking bold steps of faith that blow our circumstances out of proportion.

Letters

Last Friday, Craig Gross from XXX Church came to speak at my school. He helps people struggling with sex and pornography get out of that lifestyle and become pure again. At the end of his message, he talked about a challenge he puts each of his clients through. They write a letter from their addiction to themselves, and then write a letter back to that sin proclaiming truth and freedom.
As I was worshiping the Lord tonight, this idea of writing a letter to my struggle came to mind. It's been something I've been wrestling with for as long as I can remember, but I've never been able to approach it head on. We were singing "Break Every Chain" by Jesus Culture, and the worship leader was talking to us about how we needed to release ourselves from the things tying us down. My mind began to float, and I realized my chains were plain in front of my face: my insecurity. It's been holding me back from seeing who I am FULLY in the eyes of the Lord and not letting other people get in the way of that.
So I wrote a letter to it. This is the very first copy, straight word-for-word from my journal. I know I haven't overcome it yet, and this is the first of many letters yet to come, but I feel the twine has been loosened on my feet and my wrists.

Dear Insecurity,
You have grappled with me long enough. I am free from you! You don't define me anymore. My worth and identity are found in the Lord!
I don't need to live up to the world's expectations of me.
I don't need to pretend that my life is perfect.
I don't need to compare myself to others.
The Lord has created me beautiful, strong and unique! I am His beloved, His child. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will wrap His lovingkindness around me like eagle's wings.

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings." (Psalm 36:7)

You won't conquer my thoughts or feelings anymore. I will rebuke you with truth from the holy and living Word of God! The slander and judgment from others are lies and deception from the enemy. The Lord did not create you, Insecurity. You are from the pit of hell and I command in the name of Jesus that you go back to that place! You have no right to occupy my life anymore.
I am worth more than the stars in the sky, more beautiful than Solomon's robes, more precious than gold and silver. I am a warrior princess that the Lord has raised up from the dead! I am no longer dead to sin, but Christ reigns IN me.

"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14)

Your victim-no-more,
Rebekah

Mirror, Mirror

It's funny how one song that you've heard a million times before and know entirely by heart can all of a sudden carry a whole new meaning.
That's what happened this morning at church. It was the second song of the worship set at the end of the sermon. The strumming of the acoustic guitar began, echoed by the soft steady beat of the drums in the background. Then the lyrics spilled out of the worship leader's mouth:
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
It was after this first verse that my eyes became damp with splotches of tears. I've heard all the Bible verses that resonate Romans 8:38-39, but the hardcore truth never hit me until that very moment.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NIV)

This entire semester, there's been one key struggle in my life. A weakness that I've been dragging along everywhere I walk. What's that weakness? The inability to finish goals.
Here's a simple example: I made a 40-day commitment during Lent to fast from all forms of media used for entertainment (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, etc.). I started off strong and excited for the journey ahead, but about a week after the first day, I gave up. I couldn't do it. I started accessing these websites whenever I had a block of free time.
I hadn't realized how discouraged I've become because of my failure to be disciplined. I've been living life too loosely, and although there is a need for freedom and spontaneity in life, sometimes you need to be challenged and held accountable for things. Because that's the only way you're going to grow.
The biggest area of my life where I've struggled with following through with commitments is in my walk with the Lord. I've always had a difficult time scheduling time to spend time with the Lord every day. I go to chapel every day and pray during times of fellowship with others, but I haven't been digging into the Word and just sitting in the Lord's presence.
I desire to live a life wholly committed to worshiping the Lord. But I can't achieve this if I'm putting other things - the Internet, friends, knitting, TV, etc. - before the Lord.
This morning the Lord reminded me that His grace NEVER stops pouring down on me. His mercy triumphs over judgment! I don't need to beat myself up for always failing and slipping.
As 2 Corinthians 12:9 puts it:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (NIV)

This passage has been a pillar in my walk with the Lord recently. He has been reminding me that in my weakness, He is strong. The Lord is my Refuge, my Rock and my Comforter.
I don't need to look into the mirror of my past mistakes anymore. I don't need to look back and say, "Look at  how much you failed when you tried this last time. You'll never be able to succeed at it." These are lies of the enemy creeping into my head! I will rebound them with truth from my Savior:
I am His masterpiece.
I am loved.
I am His child.
I am His beloved.
And because of these truths, I am worth more than the sum of my past mistakes (taken from the song "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North). In fact, the Lord washed all of these mistakes - the sin and ugliness of my past - away when He died on the cross! He was pierced and crushed for all of our iniquities. When He rose again, He declared freedom from sin and brought new life! A re-making, a new identity in my Lord Jesus.

At The Lord's Feet

As the morning of my grandma's surgery sneaks up closer and closer, I am becoming even more and more terrified. I fear the thought of her coming out of the surgery weak and unhealthy. I am afraid that her body will collapse during the middle of the surgery, and that the doctors won't know what to do during it. Fear is welling up inside of me like a fire, and I can't seem to contain it.

I've never experienced anything more tragic than this.

I've never experienced the death of a close friend or family member.

I've never walked alongside someone going through cancer.

I've never seen extreme suffering firsthand.

I know I may sound weak, but to be completely honest... I am. I swell up at the most minor of incidents. I cry at the flash of a gun being shot or a mother screaming at her child.

But guess what? The Lord pours out His strength during the moments I stumble! He picks me up, and whispers this into my ear:

"[Child], my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)

The Lord is directly telling me that His grace is ENOUGH. Enough! What does that mean? It means that His grace fulfills what is needed without being in excess. His graces spills into my cup, and when it is full to the brim, His power explodes out of every wall in my life.

In the same passage, Paul goes on to write: "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:10)

When I surrender everything to the Lord at His feet and give up all control of my life, then the door is open for the Lord's strength and power to sweep in and move mountains.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot about sacrifice. He's taught me that all sacrifice needs to be done with a heart of worship first and foremost, and that love and justice should be at the core of it. But the thing I've learned that's the most essential is that sacrifice needs to be COMPLETE. It can't just be half-heartily, or even 99%. It needs to be total surrender at the foot of the cross. Otherwise there will be things you'll still be holding onto that will hinder you from following the Lord the entire way.

As I wrestle through this moment in my life, I need to continue to learn how to lay everything down in my life. And not just my future and my strengths - but my weaknesses as well. EVERYTHING. The whole package.

I struggle with giving the Lord control, and that's something I'm asking the Lord to stretch me with. I want to be able to fully let god and let God! That's been my motto recently. It flashes on my screen background every time I switch on my laptop, and it's been tapering almost every page of my journal for the past month.

Don't hold back anymore. Release the ties that are holding you onto worldly things. If you are encountering fear, anxiety, sadness, stress, etc... these feelings are not from the Lord! They are from the enemy, and it means you aren't fully counting on God. Make the Lord your comfort zone. He knows the situation and the best outcome, no matter what it is. He is good and faithful, and will never fail you!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)

Broken

I wasn't expecting it; I didn't want to feel it. But obviously God had a different plan.

It was a week-and-a-half ago on a Friday night. Every Friday night, a student-run casual street evangelism outreach at my school -- called Encounter -- walks to the Block E district of Minneapolis to talk and pray with people who are partying and drinking at the clubs. I got involved with the ministry last year, and have been going ever since. I've probably been to at least a dozen Encounters.

This Friday was different. I was hanging out with my friend Becka in Uptown before meeting up for prayer at 10:00 p.m. We were walking down to The Beat, and all of a sudden I started feeling pains in my stomach. It couldn't have been the food I had eaten earlier, and I hadn't been sick all day. Despite the continuous pains, I kept walking until we got to The Beat. By the time we left, the pains had gotten worse, but they were still bearable. I hopped into Becka's car and drove back to school. We met up with the rest of the group at 10:30 p.m.

During worship and prayer, I began pacing back and forth in prayer, and then squatted down against the wall with my hands covering my face. The pains had become excruciating. I was almost in tears.

Lord, why am I feeling this way? I don't understand; I've never felt this way before Encounter.

Typically during Encounter, I feel empowered and filled with the Holy Spirit to go out on the streets and love on the lost sons and daughters of the Father. This night I felt the opposite. I was hurting and torn, totally unprepared to go out (as I thought).

Jake gathered the entire room in a circle for corporate prayer. He asked how everyone was doing and if the Lord was speaking to them, and I couldn't hold back. The burden was overwhelming. As I started to explain how I felt to my sisters and brothers in Christ, I started tearing up. I was surrounded by the loving arms of my dearest sisters in Christ. One of them approached me and told me that the pain I was feeling was for the people we were about the encounter on the streets.

Yes, of course! That makes sense. But why?

I started to grasp why the Lord was sharing a bit of His brokenness with me, but I didn't know how it would change my perspective -- until we reached the darkest corners of downtown Minneapolis.

We arrived in the Block E around midnight. My partner Becka and I walked to First Ave. right away. There was a heavy presence of spiritual darkness we could sense over the venue. We started to pray at a street corner for the brokenness we saw. After 10 minutes of prayer, we walked to the light rail platform near Sneaky Pete's. We sat down on a bench and "people watched" while continuing to pray in the Spirit for the Lord's lost sheep surrounding us.

A small thin girl wearing a tiny gold dress was sitting across from us with two men. The men kept harassing her, and she kept swearing at them all the while still letting them say these rude things to her. The group was obviously drunk, but it was still incredibly difficult to watch the girl receive this kind of treatment. There were similar situations everywhere we looked.

This Friday night was a night of prayer. We didn't get to talk to anyone about the Lord, but the Lord shared a piece of His heart with us. He specifically spoke to me about the unconditional and powerful love He has for His people.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

God's love is INCREDIBLE. What sticks out to me in this verse is the extent God's love goes for us -- He sacrificed His only Son for us on a tree!

The death of Jesus Christ is the ultimate symbol of true love. He died for all the sins of humankind that were in the past, and were to come in the future! Every. Single. Sin.

This kind of love is immeasurable to human standards. No man can even love His wife this much. Although we can earnestly seek after the Lord and desire after His heart, we will always fall short of true love.

Just imagine the pain and the brokenness the Father feels for his lost sons and daughters who are still in the shadows. He groans at the thought that they have turned their backs from Him; Satan has literally shielded their eyes with a veil preventing them from seeing the glory of the Lord. Only God Himself can tear the veil!

But guess what? The Lord tore the veil on the night of Jesus' death.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." - Matthew 27:51

That means the Lord can rip apart the veil blocking every person's soul and spirit from experiencing the love of the Father! The Lord loves His sons and daughters -- for they were created in His very image (Genesis 1:27). He is jealous for them and pursues after them, but we as believers MUST be willing to obey the Lord and the calling He has placed on our lives in order for them to come home to the Father. We must "go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation" (Mark 16:15). This involves two major things:

1. Sharing the Good News to the lost people of the world with love and compassion.

2. Prayer.

As the night concluded on Friday, the burden started to drift away from my heart. I started to feel relieved and more at peace -- but only because I responded to the message the Lord was speaking to me. He showed me His brokenness and compelled me to stretch myself even more as I share the good news with the people I bump into on a day-to-day basis.

Authentic Love

It's in moments of tragedy when we realize how much we love a person. We adorn them with cards, flowers and balloons to show our appreciation for them.

This is nice, but why don't we share our gratitude for them in other times?

This morning I woke up to the smell of fresh sheets in my grandparent's extra bedroom. I spent the first few hours of my day baking cookies with my grandma and reminiscing on old memories. Before I stepped out the door, I gave my grandma a huge hug.

Then she started tearing up. I'm not writing this blog to exaggerate an intimate moment, but it was heart-wrenching. In two weeks, my grandma is going in for open heart surgery. Today was our last day spending quality time together before she goes in.

In that 20 seconds while we embraced each other in our arms, I swelled up with emotions. My mind flooded with flashbacks of the two of us together... Grandma giving me bread crumbles to feed the ducks when I was a toddler, Grandma holding my hand as we skipped to the park together down the block, Grandma teaching me how to sew.

I understood how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. I'm not trying to sound sappy; I just want to be real.

As I hit the wet roads to drive to work, I started thinking about tragedy and how significant of an impact it leaves on a person.

I've never experienced the death of a loved one. The only tragic moments I've experienced are severally ill or injured friends and family members.

But even in these "less" tragic moments, that's when our feelings of care and affection will flock over one person. They'll receive phone calls, gifts and visits, but when the person recovers and moves on, the people surrounding them move on too.

This isn't always the case; but generally we never seem to take extra time out of our days and recognize the people in our lives. In today's modern American society, we are always on the "dash-and-go" mode. We rarely take time to go out of our days to bless a person with words of encouragement or gifts of appreciation. It's just, well... too much for us.

We miss out on divine opportunities to lift a person up on a day when they're walking through the dumps, even if they're still wearing a smile on their face. Or simply givng them an extra boost to keep persevering.

What I'm trying to say is this: Don't just love on a person in their moments of despair and great need, love on them ALWAYS.

A person many need your love during tragedy the most, but don't ever stop sharing messages of encouragement and staying connected with them even while they're walking on top of the world. Because every bit of love adds up in the end.

That's how you define who a real friend is. Someone who genuinely cares for you, during every moment of your life - the good, the bad, the ugly, the amazing, the unbelievable. A person who loves you for no matter who you are and what you're going through is someone worth sticking with.

Just Be

Last week was Spring Break at my college. Instead of spending my week with family or basking in the rays on a white sand beach in Florida, I spent five full days with five beautiful ladies in Wisconsin. We stayed in a cabin about 30 minutes across the Minnesota border hidden in the depths of a grove of pine and birch trees, among patches of prairie land.

During our Monday-through-Friday stay in the cabin, we fellowshipped with one another and prayed for the missions trips from our school that went out into the world to serve. The three teams traveled to LA Dream Center, Asia and France. Our days typically consisted of individual prayer/journaling in the mornings, and corporate prayer and worship in the late afternoons and nights.

One huge thing the Lord taught me during this trip is that I have the authority in the name of Jesus over any situation. The Lord showed me this after being spiritually attacked the first two days. The enemy kept telling me I was worthless, and was taking advantage of the insecurity he loves to entertain me with. In our prayer circle on Tuesday night, I kept wrestling between the lies the devil was thrusting in my head and the truth I KNEW I needed to shout out. Then I just did it. I let it out. "Lord, I will not hold back anymore!" I proclaimed it and broke down in tears. But I felt spiritually released. I denounced the control the enemy had on me and declared victory in the name of Jesus! Fear CAN be eliminated. Doubts are NO MORE. The Lord already won the victory, and all we need to do is re-present that victory on Calvary! Isn't that awesome?

The rest of the trip was all a bit hazy to me in the moment. I asked the Lord to speak clearly to me, and He gave me this verse in the Old Testament. It is Samuel's response to the Lord calling on him for the third time in the temple:

     "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." -1 Sam. 3:10

Then I remembered: One way the Lord speaks to me is through my writing! So, I dug out my pen started scribbling. I wrote until I filled 24 pages in my journal with verses, pictures, thoughts and prayers.

After sifting through all that content, I discovered one common theme and one thing I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE IS BEING WITH JESUS.

"being" - this word carries so much depth! Check out how dictionary.com defines it. I love the first definition listed:

     1. to exist or live

Isn't that profound when you apply it to my revelation? Let me re-write it with the new meaning. "The most important thing in your life is existing and living with Jesus." Doesn't that make it so much more real? Jesus is walking side-by-side with me, everywhere I go, doing everything I do with me. Even if I slip and fall. Literally NOTHING can separate me from the Lord! He is my Father and Friend. He's actually there, and I need to make an effort to spend time with Him and live my life in COMPLETE devotion to Him!

Devotion is simply worship, and worship comes in many forms. It is not merely a band on stage during Sunday morning church service singing the overplayed Hillsong and Jesus Culture songs. It is music, prayer, reading Scripture, journaling, crafting... The list is endless on the ways you can worship the Lord! All that it requires of you is that you do it in SPIRIT and in TRUTH. And your posture during worship needs to express the genuine condition of your heart.

What it all boils down to is this: Let go and let God.

One way to do this is to just stop for a second. Turn off that cellphone and shut your laptop; sit for a moment in silence. As Psalm 46:10 puts it, "Be still and know that I am God." Think about that. The Lord is directly asking us to tune down our busy lives and turn our eyes and our hearts to Him! I love how Peggy Kendall describes it, too: "Disconnect with your culture and reconnect with your Maker." That should be the basis for our everyday lives.

I challenge you. Slow down your wheels, even hit the breaks, and reflect on your life. Is your life rich, deep and purposeful, or is it just a cheap substitute? What are you missing because you're too busy? What can you surrender to the Lord in order to see Him in the 24 hours of your day?

Don't become too busy FOR the Lord that you don't have time to be WITH Him. Make your relationship with the Lord real. It may be messy, but guess what? That means it's a good relationship! Sit in His presence and just listen for His still, small voice. Because that changes everything. :-)

Sickness Of Myself

What surrounds you?
Every morning after I wake up to the obnoxious ringing of my phone alarm, my eyelids crack open to the wide and messy, yet homey and artsy room around me. I sit up on the striped magenta sheets in the corner of the room and use my dresser as a stepladder to reach the floor. My two roommates are usually sleeping at the time I start gearing up for the day.
I walk to my desk, grab my shower basket, a towel, and my toothbrush, and head out the door into the hall that leads to the bathroom. I return and grab a pair of jeans and a shirt that catches my eye for the day. Then I bust out the door, my colorful black star backpacked packed to the bulge with my laptop, notebook, folder, and books.
In these mere 30 minutes of the beginning of a typical weekday for me, hundreds of objects flash before my eyes without my awareness. A yellow photo frame painted with baby blue and pink flowers on it, displaying a glossy photo of one of my best friends and me ice skating at Centennial Lakes last February. A can of linen-scented Febreeze sitting on the edge of my wardrobe. A shiny bronze penny in the middle of the rugged and stained blue carpet.
And those are only three of the thousands of possessions that fill our room. It is obvious that we live in a very materialistic country. Americans are always cashing in their latest paycheck for the newest fashion trend, technology rave, or entertainment option.
I am victim to this myself. It doesn't help working at a retail store when my employee discount is 30% on top of the already reduced prices. I typically buy at least one piece of clothing every two weeks. And it doesn't just stop at my job. When I make my bi-weekly grocery stop at Target, I always browse the Dollar Section to see if I can find anything worth buying, typically unnecessary objects, but enlightening nonetheless. These purchases, though minimal, add up in the long run.
It makes me ponder: Why do I spend my money on what I do? Do I really NEED the items I'm buying?
Then I am reminded of the 925 million people who experience hunger every day. I am reminded of the one in four children that don't get the nutrition they need on a daily basis.
I am tired of seeing pictures of babies with protruding rib cages, inflated stomachs, and arms and legs as thin as needles! It makes me angry that dirt pies are the common diet for children in Sudan. There is injustice in the world and I want to do something about it.
And so I evaluate my own life. I look at my surroundings, my possessions that dot every corner of my dorm room... and I am unsatisfied. I still have things on my "wish" list. I look at at the multiple cafeteria lines with countless meal options, consisting of meats, pizza, salads, cereal... and I complain. I nag about the terrible quality of our college's catering services. I go to work and chat with my fellow co-workers... and we whine about how we would rather be somewhere else. We aren't thankful for our job.
These are only a few significant examples of my life that I accuse myself of daily. It makes me want to puke because of how selfish I am. My sinful nature still rules inside of me, even though the Lord has made me a new creation. This is a result of The Fall, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of life.
I don't want to live like this, though! I don't want to rant about all of the problems I face everyday in my worldview. I don't want to be negative or pessimistic. I don't want to become drive by materialism any longer.
I want to bring joy, encouragement and truth! I want to see through eyes of thankfulness. I want to be reminded of the blessings the Lord has given me daily. I want to delight in everything the Lord has provided me with - a family, friends, education, a job, etc.! I have nothing to complain about when I am confronted with the injustices of the world.
I need to shift my attention towards those in need instead. I need to desire to give of myself so they can experience the same joy and happiness I feel.
What can I do?

• Instead of purchasing unnecessary things, such as a coffee drink for an outing with a friend or that gorgeous dress that went clearance this week that I think I might absolutely need, I will set aside that money to sponsor a non-profit.
• Only eat the minimum amount of food needed for a healthy daily nutrition intake. This means only water to drink, and no desserts.
• Silencing my voice and asking deep, open-ended questions focuses on others. Asking them about their day, their interests, their dreams. Less of me and more of them. Because they are more interesting than me.

These are some possible challenges I can take on. I will reflect over these the next few days by bringing them to the Lord and asking Him how He wants to challenge me. Are these the right steps to take? What can I do in order to bring glory to His name and help His people?