At The Lord's Feet

As the morning of my grandma's surgery sneaks up closer and closer, I am becoming even more and more terrified. I fear the thought of her coming out of the surgery weak and unhealthy. I am afraid that her body will collapse during the middle of the surgery, and that the doctors won't know what to do during it. Fear is welling up inside of me like a fire, and I can't seem to contain it.

I've never experienced anything more tragic than this.

I've never experienced the death of a close friend or family member.

I've never walked alongside someone going through cancer.

I've never seen extreme suffering firsthand.

I know I may sound weak, but to be completely honest... I am. I swell up at the most minor of incidents. I cry at the flash of a gun being shot or a mother screaming at her child.

But guess what? The Lord pours out His strength during the moments I stumble! He picks me up, and whispers this into my ear:

"[Child], my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9)

The Lord is directly telling me that His grace is ENOUGH. Enough! What does that mean? It means that His grace fulfills what is needed without being in excess. His graces spills into my cup, and when it is full to the brim, His power explodes out of every wall in my life.

In the same passage, Paul goes on to write: "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:10)

When I surrender everything to the Lord at His feet and give up all control of my life, then the door is open for the Lord's strength and power to sweep in and move mountains.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot about sacrifice. He's taught me that all sacrifice needs to be done with a heart of worship first and foremost, and that love and justice should be at the core of it. But the thing I've learned that's the most essential is that sacrifice needs to be COMPLETE. It can't just be half-heartily, or even 99%. It needs to be total surrender at the foot of the cross. Otherwise there will be things you'll still be holding onto that will hinder you from following the Lord the entire way.

As I wrestle through this moment in my life, I need to continue to learn how to lay everything down in my life. And not just my future and my strengths - but my weaknesses as well. EVERYTHING. The whole package.

I struggle with giving the Lord control, and that's something I'm asking the Lord to stretch me with. I want to be able to fully let god and let God! That's been my motto recently. It flashes on my screen background every time I switch on my laptop, and it's been tapering almost every page of my journal for the past month.

Don't hold back anymore. Release the ties that are holding you onto worldly things. If you are encountering fear, anxiety, sadness, stress, etc... these feelings are not from the Lord! They are from the enemy, and it means you aren't fully counting on God. Make the Lord your comfort zone. He knows the situation and the best outcome, no matter what it is. He is good and faithful, and will never fail you!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)