Two days ago I found out that I would be a student manager in my college cafeteria this fall. The moment I heard the news, I jumped in the air with excitement! Not only would I have more responsibility, but I was thankful for the increase in pay. I'm going to Thailand this December, and I need as much money as possible to pay for the trip.
But yesterday I felt almost guilty to have the position. What if people see me a power-hungry workaholic? Because not only do I have this student manager position, but I work another job and go to school full-time. That's 25 hours of work and 15 hours of class, not including time for homework. I'm also the editor-in-chief of my college newspaper.
I'm not listing all of this out of pride, I'm just throwing it out there so maybe you'll understand how I feel.
To put it blatantly, I'm becoming worried of what people think of me. I'm scared that because I have achieved two positions of authority in addition to my role as a student, people will see me as some arrogant, busy person that has everything together.
I really don't want to be see as that. And I really don't have everything together.
But is it that horrible to have a schedule that fits everything together so well?
I honestly enjoy all of the roles and tasks that fill my plate. I may not thoroughly enjoy them every moment and I may become frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I find joy out of having a busy schedule.
And it's not like I never have time to spend time with people and with the Lord.
I really try to maintain strong relationships with people, whether they're close or far away. I make an effort to contact my friends on a weekly effort, because I care for them and want to hear about what's going on in their lives.
And I do spend time with the Lord every day. It may not be an hour-long time in worship just soaking in His presence, but I do try to hear Him and interact with Him on a constant basis. I love His presence, and all I really want is to be led by His Spirit and to know His heart more.
I'm realizing that I have a spirit like Mary's in a schedule like Martha's. But is that even possible? Can my spirit truly be at rest while involved in so much?
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Bicycle Ride
Today I went on a spontaneous bike ride. I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, but after work I decided that I wanted to get out into the city and explore.
Before leaving, I sat down and attempted to find a map that would help me navigate the bike paths of Minneapolis. Thinking I knew where my bicycle adventure would take me, I burst outside with my white helmet in hand and my backpack stuffed with my journal and Bible, an apple and a water bottle.
I started biking on the road that I thought would intersect with the path I wanted to merge on. Nope, nothing. They really must keep these bike paths hidden. Or I'm just incredibly blind.
Concluding that I wasn't going to get anywhere without asking anyone, I was thankful to run in to another biker at the next stoplight. I asked her how to get to the destination I was hoping to find, and she gave me adequate directions.
I biked forward, and within the next mile I ended up passing by a friend I hadn't seen in three months. It was an unexpected blessing to catch up with him on the side of the road for a few minutes.
Then, I continued onwards. Unsure of where I was (I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere), I biked in unusual patterns around a section of streets I was unfamiliar with.
Instead of freaking out though, I just continued to pedal. My legs pushed me forward on the sidewalks with weeds peeking out between the cracks.
I'm lost. Oh well. I'm going somewhere, and eventually I'll end up at some destination -- whether it's the destination I'm planning on or not. It's all about the journey, anyway.
Those were the thoughts that flashed through my mind at that point, or something along those lines.
And then I realized that these thoughts ran parallel to the way we're supposed to live out our daily lives. They didn't just refer to my bicycle adventure, or traveling in general.
There are a million different paths to choose from in this life, and it can be frustrating and terrifying trying to measure if you're on the right path at the right time. Friends and family pressure you to walk one way, you desire the opposite way, and God's way never seems to be plain and clear in the moment.
Who said there was only one correct path to walk on, anyway?
I think there are multiple paths God lays before us, and He gives us the freedom of choice to pick the one we want to walk on. Whether it's choosing a college to attend, finding someone to marry, or any other decision that could alter your life path, God works everything out in the end.
I'm not saying that we should foolishly choose whichever path we want to take next out of pride or ignorance -- I do believe we should be asking God which path He wants us to take next in prayer. But sometimes He doesn't always give us a black-and-white answer. Sometimes He leaves it up to us to take the next step, and once we step forward, He'll mold our path into His plan for our lives.
Even if you take the wrong turn at one intersection, He'll merge another path into your life that will bring you back on track.
And I do believe that any path we choose leads to the same destination. What is that destination, you ask? God Himself. Whether we choose to be a businessman or pastor, live in the United States or India, run a marathon or play music at local venues, our path will always end up at the feet of Jesus when we are seeking His face every day.
It's not about the path itself; it's about the opportunities on the path you take to bless the people who are on the same path. But it's mostly about learning to glorify God and becoming closer to Him while facing whatever valleys, hills, or curves come your way.
** What path are you treading on, and what opportunities has God placed before you? Are you taking ahold of these, or passing them by? Are you growing closer to God as you continue to walk on the path you're on?
Before leaving, I sat down and attempted to find a map that would help me navigate the bike paths of Minneapolis. Thinking I knew where my bicycle adventure would take me, I burst outside with my white helmet in hand and my backpack stuffed with my journal and Bible, an apple and a water bottle.
I started biking on the road that I thought would intersect with the path I wanted to merge on. Nope, nothing. They really must keep these bike paths hidden. Or I'm just incredibly blind.
Concluding that I wasn't going to get anywhere without asking anyone, I was thankful to run in to another biker at the next stoplight. I asked her how to get to the destination I was hoping to find, and she gave me adequate directions.
I biked forward, and within the next mile I ended up passing by a friend I hadn't seen in three months. It was an unexpected blessing to catch up with him on the side of the road for a few minutes.
Then, I continued onwards. Unsure of where I was (I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere), I biked in unusual patterns around a section of streets I was unfamiliar with.
Instead of freaking out though, I just continued to pedal. My legs pushed me forward on the sidewalks with weeds peeking out between the cracks.
I'm lost. Oh well. I'm going somewhere, and eventually I'll end up at some destination -- whether it's the destination I'm planning on or not. It's all about the journey, anyway.
Those were the thoughts that flashed through my mind at that point, or something along those lines.
And then I realized that these thoughts ran parallel to the way we're supposed to live out our daily lives. They didn't just refer to my bicycle adventure, or traveling in general.
There are a million different paths to choose from in this life, and it can be frustrating and terrifying trying to measure if you're on the right path at the right time. Friends and family pressure you to walk one way, you desire the opposite way, and God's way never seems to be plain and clear in the moment.
Who said there was only one correct path to walk on, anyway?
I think there are multiple paths God lays before us, and He gives us the freedom of choice to pick the one we want to walk on. Whether it's choosing a college to attend, finding someone to marry, or any other decision that could alter your life path, God works everything out in the end.
I'm not saying that we should foolishly choose whichever path we want to take next out of pride or ignorance -- I do believe we should be asking God which path He wants us to take next in prayer. But sometimes He doesn't always give us a black-and-white answer. Sometimes He leaves it up to us to take the next step, and once we step forward, He'll mold our path into His plan for our lives.
Even if you take the wrong turn at one intersection, He'll merge another path into your life that will bring you back on track.
And I do believe that any path we choose leads to the same destination. What is that destination, you ask? God Himself. Whether we choose to be a businessman or pastor, live in the United States or India, run a marathon or play music at local venues, our path will always end up at the feet of Jesus when we are seeking His face every day.
It's not about the path itself; it's about the opportunities on the path you take to bless the people who are on the same path. But it's mostly about learning to glorify God and becoming closer to Him while facing whatever valleys, hills, or curves come your way.
** What path are you treading on, and what opportunities has God placed before you? Are you taking ahold of these, or passing them by? Are you growing closer to God as you continue to walk on the path you're on?
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Wound
I went to Dunn Bros. with my dear friend yesterday. Over icy fruit smoothies in the 95 degrees heat, we exchanged thoughts about life and the season Lord had been taking each of us through.
As I described the battle between my spirit and my flesh I've been fighting this summer, she mentioned something that struck me. I had heard it at least a dozen times before, but I never had seen it through the lenses she unveiled:
Paul had a thorn in his flesh he had to live with, and the Lord wouldn't take it away. Even though he prayed over and over for it to be removed, it remained.
But instead of moaning and complaining about the thorn, Paul chose to live humbly and DELIGHTED in his weakness.
He delighted in weakness? What? That is so absurd to the human mind. Why would you delight over sickness, pain, persecution, abandonment, or any other difficulty?
But Paul knew that when he was weak, then he was strong. Because Christ reminded Paul that His power rested on him when he yielded himself in all his brokenness to Him.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Just think about that. The Lord's power is made perfect -- flawless, complete, whole -- in our lives when we lay ourselves before His feet in all of our brokenness. When we put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay, we limit the work of the Lord in our lives. When we are strong in ourselves, the strength that the Lord offers is dismissed.
In weakness is where we are bestowed strength to overcome. Not strength of our own, but strength that only comes from the Lord above -- strength that is mightier than a thousand armies and fiercer than that of a hurricane.
After hearing those words from my friend, I realized that the battle I've been fighting has caused a thorn in my flesh. And just like Paul, maybe it won't go away. Maybe it will be something I need to face daily. Maybe it's something I'll continually have to surrender at the feet of Jesus when I wake up every morning, dying to my flesh in order to receive His power and walk in the freedom He brings
But you know what? God's grace is sufficient for me, and it's okay if I struggle. It's okay if I wear this wound.
It's just like Tenth Avenue North sings in their song, "The Struggle":
Hallelujah we are free to struggle
But we're not struggling to be free
I am not bound by my weakness. I am not locked in a cage anymore. No, I'm like a bird with a broken wing flying free! Although I am injured and my weakness drags me to the ground sometimes, I'm not chained up anymore.
Even though every day is a challenge and I fail more times than I can count, it's God's grace and an attitude of perseverance that keeps me going.
"For though a righteous man falls seven times, HE RISES AGAIN." (Proverbs 24:16)
Today I'm going to rise up again. Although every day is a battle, and this wound pierces beyond my flesh into my spirit, I will continue to let His power rest on me in my weakness. I will come before Him with a broken spirit and allow His grace to wash away any shame or guilt I feel.
Abba, thank you for weakness. For without weakness, my trust in you would falter.
As I described the battle between my spirit and my flesh I've been fighting this summer, she mentioned something that struck me. I had heard it at least a dozen times before, but I never had seen it through the lenses she unveiled:
Paul had a thorn in his flesh he had to live with, and the Lord wouldn't take it away. Even though he prayed over and over for it to be removed, it remained.
But instead of moaning and complaining about the thorn, Paul chose to live humbly and DELIGHTED in his weakness.
He delighted in weakness? What? That is so absurd to the human mind. Why would you delight over sickness, pain, persecution, abandonment, or any other difficulty?
But Paul knew that when he was weak, then he was strong. Because Christ reminded Paul that His power rested on him when he yielded himself in all his brokenness to Him.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Just think about that. The Lord's power is made perfect -- flawless, complete, whole -- in our lives when we lay ourselves before His feet in all of our brokenness. When we put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay, we limit the work of the Lord in our lives. When we are strong in ourselves, the strength that the Lord offers is dismissed.
In weakness is where we are bestowed strength to overcome. Not strength of our own, but strength that only comes from the Lord above -- strength that is mightier than a thousand armies and fiercer than that of a hurricane.
After hearing those words from my friend, I realized that the battle I've been fighting has caused a thorn in my flesh. And just like Paul, maybe it won't go away. Maybe it will be something I need to face daily. Maybe it's something I'll continually have to surrender at the feet of Jesus when I wake up every morning, dying to my flesh in order to receive His power and walk in the freedom He brings
But you know what? God's grace is sufficient for me, and it's okay if I struggle. It's okay if I wear this wound.
It's just like Tenth Avenue North sings in their song, "The Struggle":
Hallelujah we are free to struggle
But we're not struggling to be free
I am not bound by my weakness. I am not locked in a cage anymore. No, I'm like a bird with a broken wing flying free! Although I am injured and my weakness drags me to the ground sometimes, I'm not chained up anymore.
Even though every day is a challenge and I fail more times than I can count, it's God's grace and an attitude of perseverance that keeps me going.
"For though a righteous man falls seven times, HE RISES AGAIN." (Proverbs 24:16)
Today I'm going to rise up again. Although every day is a battle, and this wound pierces beyond my flesh into my spirit, I will continue to let His power rest on me in my weakness. I will come before Him with a broken spirit and allow His grace to wash away any shame or guilt I feel.
Abba, thank you for weakness. For without weakness, my trust in you would falter.
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