Wound

I went to Dunn Bros. with my dear friend yesterday. Over icy fruit smoothies in the 95 degrees heat, we exchanged thoughts about life and the season Lord had been taking each of us through.

As I described the battle between my spirit and my flesh I've been fighting this summer, she mentioned something that struck me. I had heard it at least a dozen times before, but I never had seen it through the lenses she unveiled:

Paul had a thorn in his flesh he had to live with, and the Lord wouldn't take it away. Even though he prayed over and over for it to be removed, it remained.
But instead of moaning and complaining about the thorn, Paul chose to live humbly and DELIGHTED in his weakness.
He delighted in weakness? What? That is so absurd to the human mind. Why would you delight over sickness, pain, persecution, abandonment, or any other difficulty?
But Paul knew that when he was weak, then he was strong. Because Christ reminded Paul that His power rested on him when he yielded himself in all his brokenness to Him.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Just think about that. The Lord's power is made perfect -- flawless, complete, whole -- in our lives when we lay ourselves before His feet in all of our brokenness. When we put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay, we limit the work of the Lord in our lives. When we are strong in ourselves, the strength that the Lord offers is dismissed.
In weakness is where we are bestowed strength to overcome. Not strength of our own, but strength that only comes from the Lord above -- strength that is mightier than a thousand armies and fiercer than that of a hurricane.

After hearing those words from my friend, I realized that the battle I've been fighting has caused a thorn in my flesh. And just like Paul, maybe it won't go away. Maybe it will be something I need to face daily. Maybe it's something I'll continually have to surrender at the feet of Jesus when I wake up every morning, dying to my flesh in order to receive His power and walk in the freedom He brings
But you know what? God's grace is sufficient for me, and it's okay if I struggle. It's okay if I wear this wound.

It's just like Tenth Avenue North sings in their song, "The Struggle":
Hallelujah we are free to struggle
But we're not struggling to be free

I am not bound by my weakness. I am not locked in a cage anymore. No, I'm like a bird with a broken wing flying free! Although I am injured and my weakness drags me to the ground sometimes, I'm not chained up anymore.
Even though every day is a challenge and I fail more times than I can count, it's God's grace and an attitude of perseverance that keeps me going.

"For though a righteous man falls seven times, HE RISES AGAIN." (Proverbs 24:16)

Today I'm going to rise up again. Although every day is a battle, and this wound pierces beyond my flesh into my spirit, I will continue to let His power rest on me in my weakness. I will come before Him with a broken spirit and allow His grace to wash away any shame or guilt I feel.

Abba, thank you for weakness. For without weakness, my trust in you would falter.