Before I embarked on my second year of college, I wrote down a list of goals I wanted to accomplish this school year. The list is scribbled down in black pen on five pages (each page being one side of a notebook page).
Being halfway through the year, I laugh at myself finding many of these goals to be surreal. Honestly, what was I thinking when I wrote the list? Did I actually think I’d be able to succeed at every single item? Yeah right.
I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like to achieve each and every goal; I’m just saying that it’s nearly impossible. (Okay, now don’t go about saying that I doubt the popular phrase: Everything is possible with God! I DO believe that. Sometimes our human desires our not in His plan for our life, though. And that’s exactly what I’m learning.)
Scrolling through the list, I was only able to cross off 17 things that I felt like I REALLY accomplished. To give you a good perspective of my achievement (or failure, for that matter), that’s only 20% of my list. I obviously didn’t put enough effort into achieving everything on my list.
Wait, wait… Hold up now. Whoa. That last statement I wrote. I obviously didn’t put enough effort into achieving everything on my list. Maybe I did put enough effort into achieving my goals, it was just impossible to achieve EVERYTHING.
When I look back on the past semester, I look back on it with a smile. God did incredible things during that season of my life. He redeemed me from my past; He healed my heart; He brought me into close friendships; He spoke to me through messages, worship, and prayer; He taught me how to be vulnerable. In addition to this, I was able to be more spontaneous and do things I’ve never done before. Like each sushi at midnight with 20 of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Or explore Uptown with my one of my besties. Or spend two-and-a-half hours at a local coffee shop discussing life with a close friend. Not only did the Lord bless me and teach me new things in my walk with Him, but I was also able to have a fun social life. I have nothing to complain about!
When I look back on my long list of hopeful achievements and wants, I realize that many of these things are improbable to reach towards. Yes, I want to “reach towards the stars” and strive towards my vision, but I notice that God has his own plan for getting me there. I don’t need to make a list. I only need to rely on God’s voice. He’ll help me finish the race, little by little. Footstep by footstep.
This doesn’t mean I’m going to shred my list into tiny pieces and toss it in the trash. No. What I’m going to do is look over the list once again and cross off the things that aren’t important to me. Delete the things that would be nice to achieve, but aren’t part of God’s plan for my life.
I can’t totally leave my plate without excitement or adventure, though. I’ll keep some small things (like writing a song or going to the Minneapolis sculpture gardens) on the list. Just because you need to have a little bit of fun in college between classes and relationships while you’re still young. ;-)
Ultimately, my goal now is to not live life so high-strung and attached to a list of goals. I can find freedom in the Lord and rejoice in Him no matter where I’m at in life! I don’t need to pity myself for not accomplishing something I wanted to. Because honestly, I can’t do everything I want to do! It’s difficult for me sometimes. Especially since I’m a people pleaser and I can never say “no” to someone. That’s another thing I’m going to work on.
In conclusion, this is my plan:
1. Go through the list and cross off items that aren’t important. Remake the list smaller and more precise.
2. Pray and stay steadfast in the Lord and believe that He will help me accomplish my goals.
3. Don’t get upset if I don’t accomplish something! The Lord is full of grace and love, and will always forgive me no matter where I stumble.
I’M GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR THE LORD!
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