The LORD saved me in 2011! :)

[Re-posted from my Tumblr: cloudywithadoseofsmiles.tumblr.com] I just wrote an entire poem on where God has taken me from a year to this day. It’s been an incredible journey. God has changed my heart and redeemed me from my past, and I can look back with a smile knowing that my future is brighter because of the LORD and the huge plans He has for my life. I don’t need to walk in shame anymore! I don’t need to hide my story in the shade anymore! I’m not ashamed to spill my testimony, because God has done a miraculous work inside of me and He’ll still molding it. I am in awe at His Majesty. My words lack the ability to describe the glory of the LORD. All I know is that I have been saved and if it hadn’t been for North Central and the amazing people surrounding me last year, I would have fallen away from the LORD and I would be living a completely different life. Honestly, I believe I would have been pregnant with the mindset and emotions I had. I was trapped in a physical relationship with a guy who was abusing me, as much as I hate to say that. He was my boyfriend for a year-and-a-half, and three months after we broke up the physical stage started up again. It was the most confusing time period of my life. I was broken and being used as his puppet. The thing is: I was doing it willingly and didn’t fight it. I wanted to kiss him and love him, even if we weren’t dating still. I wanted that feeling of human love that no one else was giving me at the moment. It felt good in the moment, but after it was done it was horrible. I beat myself up about it and guilt weighed down on my shoulders. I know the LORD didn’t want me to do it, and I felt Him speak strongly against it. Yet I continued to do it. I shoved God’s voice into a box and let my own selfish self take over. The sinful nature in me was taking control, and I was powerless outside of that. My behavior continued into the summer, where I saw my ex-boyfriend two or three times. Each time we made-out at his house or in his car. During the last time I saw him, though, I knew it had to end. We ended up kissing, but after I slammed the door shut in my car I drove away with thoughts screaming inside of my head. This is coming to an end. I’m sick of it. LORD, save me! I didn’t exactly break down and give everything to the LORD then, though. It was a few weeks later when I packed all my belongings and moved into my dorm for my sophomore year of college. During our first floor meeting (which consisted of only freshmen/transfer students, my RA, and my two DLs) we all squished ourselves in my RAs room for a night of sharing where God has taken us. I had no idea what I was going to share. I started off listening to everyone else’s stories and based what I was going to share off of that. But then the LORD spoke to me. You have to be vulnerable tonight. It’s time to spill your secret and begin a season of healing and recovery. So I did. I didn’t know how or why, but I let loose. I broke down it tears. I was a complete wretch. Heck, I didn’t even know most of these girls I was disclosing myself to! I was being completely open and honest with them. I didn’t hold anything back. But the LORD was with me that night, He held me and comforted me. I walked back to my room that night full of peace. I knew I had to do what I did, and I went on from that day with my heart totally open to the LORD’s voice. He’s brought me through a time of restoration and patched up all the stains from my past. I am a new creation! I am a beautiful princess in the LORD’s eyes! He has washed me clean and I’m never going back. That’s what the LORD has done these past few months. And not only has He started a brand new path for me, but He’s unleashed my spirit into fervent and passionate prayer. I’m learning what it means to be prayerful and hear the LORD’s voice in all circumstances. I’m praying more and more, little by little, but it’s a work in progress I am so excited to be venturing on. The LORD is holding me in His arms. Although the future is scary and unknown, I don’t have to be afraid because the LORD is with me! He will never leave me nor forsake me! I am His, and He is mine. <3