You, With Your Words Like Knives

It literally makes me sick that you would do that. I feel like I could vomit because of what you did. No, you don't know how it affected me. You have no idea. When you asked, I responded honestly. I opened my heart and didn't hold anything back. And your response? What a joke. It's as if you read between the lines of another story. I don't know how to trust you anymore. I want to, so badly, but because of the way you hide things in the dark and toy around with me like a marionette is NOT respectful. At all.

[sigh]

I don't mean to sound rude or hateful... The issue of trust is just a huge deal to me, and when someone breaks it, it irritates me hardcore. It tears me apart. And I'm sorry if I sound like an emotional Avril Lavigne or Taylor Swift song... Although, the only song spinning in my head for the last hour has been "Mean" off of the latter's new album.
You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man

Your words have been so manipulative lately. I don't know if they're real, from-the-heart or if they're fake, sketchy words to conceal the truth. I never knew you well enough to unveil who you really are, but when I met you, I respected you and thought you were one of the friendliest people. I was looking forward to get to know you. All of a sudden, in a matter of 48 hours, our friendship went from the top of a roller coaster to the bottom dip. I don't know anymore.
I guess what this blog is basically trying to say is that trust is something I treasure so much. I value it, and I think I let people get away with it too much. I don't protect my heart or my words very well. That, I know, is something I need to work on, but I still don't understand why things like this happen. It shakes me inside.

Now I'm terrified to trust anyone. I told myself that I wouldn't let anyone carve through the layers of my onion too quickly, but you... I handed you the chef's knife and you went straight in. Never again. At least not for a while, until the pieces of my heart have been picked back up again and I meet someone who is mature enough to trust.
As for the meantime, God's got me under his wings of love. His love never ceases to amaze me, and I am captivated by His beauty. He cares about me and will never leave me nor forsake me. I'm going to focus on falling so deeply in love with Christ and dive into His presence more and more everyday. He will be my number one source of love, and I won't have to seek it out in others.
"Every word of God is pure; He is a Shield to those who put their trust in Him." -Proverbs 30:5

Also... I'm sorry. I don't want to come across as hurtful or nagging. I just need to be honest and speak what's on my heart, even though I know only one or maybe two people will read this. I forgive the person who did this to me. And really, it wasn't a big deal. It's really quite silly. And I feel kind of dumb for writing this blog right now. But hey, you gotta spill your emotions out somewhere, right?