Reminiscing

The evening was coming to a close and I was just about to drop my friend off at his house for the night. I pulled my white Pontiac into his driveway, and all of a sudden we started reminiscing old memories from high school.

We talked about the dances, the parties, our teachers, relationships... all the juicy drama that was alive and running only two years ago. We spilled EVERYTHING.

As I was reflecting on everything that happened, both the good and the ugly, I started sketching an image of myself of who I was in high school.

The words that distinctly described me would be sweet, shy, innocent and sheltered.

I was the girl who hardly had an awareness of anything happening in my group of friends.

See, I hung out with the band geeks. I became part of the "clique" during 8th grade, and all through high school we had lockers next to each other and had parties at each other's houses.

I was kind of the outsider in the group, though. Especially when I started dating my football player boyfriend who was a year young than all of us in 11th grade.

As my friend and I chattered in my car about all the high school drama -- the break-ups, the hook-ups, the fights -- I realized how disconnected I was from everything happening. It made me a bit discouraged.

But as I was thinking about it later, the Lord spoke to me. He told me that all through high school he had me in this group of friends for a reason -- not to become "BFFs" with, but to keep me surrounded by people who wouldn't harm me or take advantage of me emotionally or physically. He knew the friends I associated with wouldn't remain in my life forever, but they would be people who I could trust. It was God's way of protecting me even while I was still at a distance from Him.

Now that I look back on it all, I praise the Lord and thank Him for everything He did to keep me under the shelter of His wings. Even through my first year of college, he held me tightly in His arms and surrounded me with a completely new support system of Christian friends and mentors. I was in a battle that only the place I was at could have survived it was in the community I was involved in.

It's crazy to look back on is how much I've grown from my freshman year of high school to my current stage of life. The Lord has totally transformed my heart in only six years.
My relationship with the Lord is secure.

My friendships with others are deep.

My passions have been revamped.

I am not the awkward, insecure girl I was at the start of my teenage years. God has delivered me from a broken relationship, mended my broken heart, and pulled me closer to Him than I've ever been before. I don't need to be the social butterfly who knows everything going on, and I can be okay with failure and weakness. Because my God is stronger than any trial or fear that comes against me. I can put my whole trust in Him and know that He has His arms wrapped tightly around me.

I was singing a worship song today, and the bridge went like this:

I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh my fail
My God you never will 

("Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship)

This is my anthem during this season of my life.

I am not who I once was. I have been made new.

A Sudden Ache

I was reading a news story today about how extreme monsoon flooding in northeast India has displaced nearly 2 million people. I was utterly shocked at the amount of damage; over 60 people are dead and it is one of the worst disasters this region has seen in over a decade.

After becoming informed about the disaster, my thoughts began to race into action.
What can I do to help? These people have lost all hope. I need to jump on a plane and provide food and water for them.

Complete nonsense. I can't afford a $1,000 plane ticket to India, nonetheless can I simply stop working and spend a month in a foreign country with no place to stay.

Sometimes our instantaneous desires are out of the question.

But God reminded me of something as I pondered this idea.

"You can PRAY."
That's what He said, clear in my head. The wheels in my brain stopped for a moment.

So, I can say a little prayer, and that will be enough? I don't need to do anything else?

First off, no prayer is "little." No matter how short it is and no matter if you use 1st grade vocabulary without the big fancy words.

God hears every prayer shouted, spoken, whispered, and said silently in your head.

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy." (Psalm 116:1)

Secondly, God doesn't call us to solve every hurt and need on the planet. Our hearts may ache to help those who suffer and have experienced great loss, but before our foot takes one step ahead of our hearts we must ask the Lord if it is the right path for us. And while we do that, we must pray continuously and passionately for the situation we empathize with.
God has a very specific plan for every one of us, but one thing he calls each of us to is prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

Next time you read about a horrible event in your state or halfway across the world, do not be discouraged if you cannot help out. God has you in the season and place you're in for a reason; embrace that and be prayerful on all occasions.

White Lines

There's a man named Hezekiah in the Bible. His father, King Ahaz, was an evil ruler. He sacrificed Hezekiah's brothers to false gods, closed up the temple, and led people in idol worship.

When Hezekiah became the new king at 25-years of age, he had a long history of dysfunction and rebellion behind him. He had to choose whether or not to follow in the footsteps of his forefathers or set a new path for Israel.

"[Hezekiah] did what was right in the eyes of the Lord." (2 Chronicles 29:2)

Hezekiah made huge alterations when he stepped in to rule Jerusalem. He reopened the doors of the temple, gave burnt offerings to the Lord, and essentially brought all of Israel back to the Lord.

What made him different than the kings before him?

He had faith.

He was a prayer warrior.

Hezekiah didn't allow himself to be trapped by his past -- he took a bold step of faith and followed the Lord, even though the crowd before him was going the opposite way!

Just like Hezekiah, you may have a long line of dysfunction in your family. Maybe there are drunkards, drug addicts, and sex offenders. Maybe all your grandparents, aunts, and uncles have gotten divorced. Maybe it's less serious; maybe there's just a lot of bitterness and hard hearts present.

Whatever the depth of the problem, the Lord is greater than it. He wipes away all of our history and makes us NEW.

So what do we do now?

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Keep praying. It may take years, even decades, for a mountain of brokenness to crumble. But know this: PRAYER MOVES MOUNTAINS.
Keep praying fervently and passionately for your family like Hannah did when she cried out to the Lord for a son. If you really want something, the Lord will give it to you!

 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

Also, be patient with your family members! When argument sparks, don't be one to spread the flames of conflict.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Lastly, be hopeful and excited for the new adventure God can take you on when you allow Him to guide your path. Giving up our own plans can be painful, but being obedient to God's plan can bring you to even bigger and brighter places than you could ever imagine! 

The scribbly white lines of brokenness, ugliness and failure that have been etched across your chalkboard don't have to stay anymore. Let God erase your past and allow him to be the author of your new life in Him!

Keyhole

A girl at work today was telling me about a tattoo she wanted to get. A keyhole on the back of her neck.

I had seen pictures of the tattoo floating around the Internet before, but I never actually understood what the symbolism of it was until my co-worker explained it to me.

She said the keyhole represents the opening of a new chapter in her life. A new chapter in this book we call "life".

I began to think about the season the Lord has been taking me through.

BROKENNESS.

I've been learning to let go of things in my past. And trust me, it hasn't been an easy journey. I've held a bitter attitude towards many things pressing on my heart -- things in my past I'm ashamed to come to terms with. I've also argued with the Lord and tried to hide things from Him.

I realized that I've been incredibly immature in my behavior. Why? Because the Lord already knows all of my failures. There's no point in attempting to cover them.

"I the Lord search the heart." (Jeremiah 17:10)

There's a point where you need to admit that you are weak. You are exhausted and messed up, and the only one able to take away your burdens is the Lord.

It's when we are reduced to utter weakness and are persuaded that we can do nothing whatever that God will do everything.

He will run to us when we are poor and defeated, and lead us with strong hands to overcome. He is our strength when we are weak, our Rock and Redeemer.

"God is our REFUGE and STRENGTH." (Psalm 46:1)

We must give total control of our situation to the Lord.

Holding onto the past can seem harmless; but the fact is that the past digs a hole in our heart, ever so slowly but ever so deeply, that we become attached to it. When we try to let go of the past, we can't, because we're too comfortable with it.

We have become afraid of discomfort and uncertainty in the present.

We're frightened of being vulnerable, because being vulnerable highlights our weaknesses and tells others we have nothing together. It also makes us an easy target for people to hurt us.

What's cool, though, is that God sees it entirely different.

Once we are vulnerable, God can fill us and lead us to a brand new start into a new situation and a new dependence on Him.

He washes us with His love and mercy, and we become empty of ourselves.

"You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."(1 Corinthians 6:11)

The Lord gives us lavish cleansing. All of our dirt is wiped away, and he starts picking up the broken pieces and fitting them together into something beautiful. He's the perfect Puzzlemaker.

Let the Lord wash you.

In John 13, when Jesus is washing the disciples' feet, He tells Peter that,

"Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." (John 13:8)

We must allow the Lord to come into our hearts and cleanse us of all our brokenness from the past. We must allow Him to love us FULLY.
Let Him sanctify you. As my friend described it, "give yourself away so the Lord can use you."
When we forget what's behind us and reach towards the path the Lord has for us, we are turning the keyhole into the next season of our life.
Be vulnerable and allow the Lord open that door.

Roots

Every morning I water the flowers in my grandma's garden. I wake up, and to the raspy call of my grandma's voice outside, I hustle out the door to the hose and fill up the water can to the brim. I water each plant steadily, making sure it gets enough water it needs to stays healthy and strong.
It's not the most exciting job in the world. Sometimes I even complain about the two whole minutes it takes to water each of the 10 flower pots.

But my grandma wants her garden to look fresh, colorful, and bright for her neighbors. And so I consistently remain devoted to helping her out.

This whole process of watering flowers is similar to our walk with the Lord.

We each are plants -- uniquely and carefully planted by the Sower. Some of us may be daffodils, shimmering the brightest yellow in the sunlight; others tulips and lilies. No matter what the plant, we all have special gifts and beautiful features the Lord has given us.

"We are flowers of God's garden, 

Bright as the morning sun, 
Fresh as the dawn
Lovely in differences, 
Varied in loveliness, 
we are the flowers of humanity." (Song Lyrics, Artist Unknown)

In order for plants to stay alive and grow most abundantly, they must be watered and fed daily so their roots can grow deep and thick into the soil. The same must occur in our walk with the Lord: We must drink "living water" and give ourselves "daily bread" in order for our spiritual roots to strengthen.

WE SHOULD DESIRE A FAITH WITH ROOTS PLANTED DEEP IN THE WORD OF THE LORD.
In order to develop and maintain this kind of faith, we must first be good fertilizers of our hearts and souls.

We must cultivate good, rich soil for the roots to grow in. A plant can't grow in thorns, rocks, or sand. It needs to be planted in healthy soil rich in vitamins and minerals. Similarly, we must have a healthy foundation for our faith that will fervently and relentlessly soak in God's Word.

There's no room for garbage in our soil. We must remove the junk -- our past, our secrets, our pride, our sin -- from the ground and burn it. There's no more room for unhealthy weights on our shoulders. Uproot your hard heart and let the Lord shower seeds of goodness and righteousness into your life.

But it's not just pure and healthy soil you need for your spiritual roots to grow. Once the rocks and weeds are plowed out of the way, you must take time to allow the Sower to pour His "living water" over your life every day.

"For I will pour out water to quench your thirst." (Isaiah 44:3)

The Lord says He will fill us, we just need to be willing and obedient to the outpouring of His "living water". So what happens when we drink this "living water"?

"But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life." (John 4:14)

The result is exactly like Jesus told the disciples in the New Testament. A new spring will bubble inside of us! And just like a spring in the earth is the source of every creek, stream and river, the new spring inside of us will be the source of thicker and stronger roots of faith.
Let us be like the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4:10-14. When we are feeling weak and weary in our bodies and spirit, let us run to the well where we can be filled again. The Lord is always waiting and ready to show you something new and pull you deeper than you've ever been with Him.

Pearl

There's a really cool story found in Matthew 13:45-46. It's short, but incredibly powerful.

There's an ordinary merchant, no one special, just a normal human being like any one of us. He spends his days working -- searching for items to sell, and then putting them up on the market. One day he finds an pearl that is far more valuable than any of the previous pearls he's found. He becomes so excited, that he sells everything he owns to buy it.

EVERYTHING. This merchant runs into his house and turns all of his possessions in for the money he needs to buy the pearl. A simple pearl.

Why would he do this? Are all of his possessions REALLY worth the value of one simple pearl?

Let's look at it from our own perspective. Many of us have items we crave and desire -- the latest model pf a Mercedes vehicle, a Victorian-style home on the beach, an entire new wardrobe, etc. But we just don't have the finances to afford these highly coveted items. Instead, we put them in "wish lists" and spend our time dreaming about the day when we will ever get a raise at work to afford the cabin on the lake we always wanted.

Okay, I'm going to give you a make-believe scenario. What if you sold all of your furniture, clothes, cars, food, daily knick-knacks, and everything else you owned just so you could receive your dream item? That would be pretty silly, if you ask me.

But that's what the merchant did for this pearl. He sacrificed all of the things that gave him comfort just for this one pearl. If I was in this merchant's shoes, I don't think I'd have the guts to sell everything I own.

The pearl in this parable represents the Kingdom of Heaven. I caught myself off-guard when these two questions popped into my head after reading and studying this short Bible story:

Do I value the Kingdom of God as much as the merchant valued the pearl? Am I willing to sacrifice everything, even the things that will hurt, so I can grow closer to the Lord?

Peter wrote an awesome Bible verse in 1 Peter 2:2.

"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation."

I love the metaphor he paints of babies symbolizing believers, craving whole milk from their mother's womb. As believers, we are to thirst and hunger for the Holy Spirit.

Our hearts should never be satisfied with what the world offers us. We must always be yearning and have a passion inside of us stirring deeper and deeper for the Lord.
Why? Because the Lord desired us FIRST!
James puts it this way in James 4:5:
"God JEALOUSLY longs for the spirit that He made to live in us."
Therefore, intimacy with the Lord is not a negotiable value. The Lord is our Creator; He formed us inside of our mother's womb before we opened ours eyes and saw the earth. He is our Father who clings to His children, wrapping His arms around us and loving on us with every speck of His being.
So how do we give the same attention to God as he gives to us? How can we experience a deeper relationship with the Lord?

I think there are two things the Lord requires of us for Him to pour out even more of His spirit on us.

We must first be WILLING, and then OBEDIENT to what He calls us to.

1. A willing heart is a heart that's inclined to draw close to the Lord and submit to Him.

This is the first step in drawing closer to the Lord. When we surrender our worldly desires and selfish attitude, we become true followers of Christ. Our minds and hearts are free of evil, and the spirit within us that the Lord has created longs and yearns to draw close to the Lord.

Then, we must be willing to accept everything He allows to cross our path while serving Him. The journey may be rough, and challenges WILL come our way, but if we stay planted in the Lord, then He will not let the waves of the storm surrounding us crash onto us.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul." (Hebrews 6:19)

2. An obedient heart is a heart that responds to the Lord's call, no matter what the sacrifice.

After our hearts are compelled by a pure and wholesome desire to draw close to the Lord, then we must take action. We cannot remain stagnant. We must obey the Father and alter our lives so we are glorifying Him in every way. Each footstep, no matter how small or big, pulls us closer to the His heart and the plans He has for us.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and He will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you!" (James 4:7-8)

I've been in a season of waiting and learning. During this time, the Lord has spoken to me and showed me the things I need to let go of in order to become closer to Him. I've fought, complained, and nagged at the Lord for making these things the "deer in the headlights" in my line of sight. But after praying and letting His Living Word seep further and further into my heart, my lips have silenced. My selfishness lost the battle. I'm ready to plunge into the deep end and experience a greater glimpse of the Lord's touch on my life.

"If you look for me WHOLEHEARTEDLY you will find me." (Jeremiah 29:13)

We're Not Spiritual Robots

A question popped into my head recently.

What do you live for?

It was in the rush of customers dashing around tables and mannequins, arms overflowing with pieces of clothing barely hanging on the hanger. I was scurrying from the back room to the cashwrap when I caught myself off-guard.

I've been working at Gap Outlet for almost three years now. I've learned to love my job, mostly for the people I work with but also for the tasks I get to do every day. I love engaging with a variety of people and tackling new responsibilities.

But I'm also very competitive. This is where my achiever strength comes in (taken from StrengthsFinder 2.0). I always want to be the best at EVERYTHING at my job. Fitting room, cashiering, recovery, visual merchandising, etc. I strive to give the best effort for everything I work at.

It's not bad to have this kind of goal, but sometimes I become tangled in a mindset of achievement -- and with this comes greed and pride.

The Bible warns us about these sins in Proverbs 16:5.

"Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished."

There needs to be a fine line between wanting to do my best and letting my sinful nature take over my heart with arrogance. I needed to redefine the purpose of my role at work, let alone at every other place I encounter throughout my days.

I responded to the first question in my head with a second: "Well, is what I'm doing honoring God?"

Is ringing up a customer and offering the Gap card to them honoring God? Is whispering about other associates in the back room honoring God? Is folding a shirt honoring God?

Some of these questions may sound silly, and they may be hard to answer, but here's the truth laid plain out in 1 Corinthians 10:31:

"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

That verse says ALL. Everything. Every piece. Every bit. Every something. All for His glory!
But how do we devote every word and every action to the Lord? It's seemingly impossible to have a mindset that's automatically programmed to worshiping the Lord. We can't be spiritual robots on praise mode all the time (if that was the case, we wouldn't have free choice as humans!).

The key is TRYING. Really watching your tongue when you speak, see God's people through His lens, and serving with the hands and feet of Jesus.

Yes, we're going to slip. There's going to be days where the F-bomb slips and the behind-your-back gossip happens.

But keep going. Don't give up. God's grace still covers you!

If our motivation behind every human capability is honoring the Lord, then the results will eventually start lining up. We'll learn new things through trial and error, and walk through seasons that will shape us greater into the people of God we were created to be.

The thing to remember: Molding is a process. It takes time. Take the potter, for example. The potter slaps out a chunk of clay and forms it with his hands into a pot on a potting wheel. The potting wheel rotates round and round thousands of times before the pot is in its correct shape and smooth enough to be a pot sold at the marketplace.

"LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

Be patient for the Lord's working on you. Take heart and live for the Lord in the moment, and with time He will transform you into the person of God you were meant to be.