7 o'clock Drive

So I was driving back to school today after hitting the road around 7:20 p.m. My mom helped me load my car up, and I set off sporting my comfy black sweats, my navy peacoat, and my floral scarf. I was comfortable as can be, except for the fact that my car was a bit chilly and I had to crank up the heat. I backed out of the driveway onto the road and flipped on the radio. Nothing seemed appealing, so I shut off the radio to dead silence. Only the quiet humming of the engine roaring under my feet. All of a sudden, my mind and my heart became burdened with the huge decision I have to make this week. The one I've been avoiding all week. I haven't had the guts to sit down and decide, because I've been scared that I'll make the wrong decision. And so it haunted me once again. Live at home next semester and save money, or live at school and risk not having the money to pay the bill? There's so many factors involved with the decision. Where would I work? Would I have to drop any classes? What about my involvement with school? What will my family think? What about my roommates and the girls on my floor? My mind almost implodes at the heavy weight of questions placed on my mind. So after about a minute of silence, I just started talking to myself in the car. Well, not just myself, but God too. I addressed God with everything I said. I put in words all the emotions and thoughts dancing around my head. I basically spit everything out and said, "God, what do you want me to do? Tell me! I'm sick of not having answers. Can't you just shove a billboard before my face, or have a clear resounding voice on the radio tell me what to do?" Nothing. Nothing happened. I sat befuzzled, the questions still burdening me down on me. I was in a state of spiritual oppression. Then I decided to turn on the radio again. I felt a desire to listen to KTIS or Praise FM, the two Christian radio stations in the Twin Cities area. And so I started listening to worship music. At first I just started singing. I wanted to get my mind off of everything and praise Jesus amidst the confusion I was feeling. I've been walking for a valley for so long. I haven't been experiencing the joy I felt at the beginning of the school year, and I felt detached from God. I suppose a lot of it was due to coming home, because that definitely posed a challenge in my spiritual life. And all of a sudden while I was singing, I just thought to myself, Hey, I haven't been trusting God lately. I haven't been laying down everything at His feet and believing He'll take care of it. I've always had to figure things out on my own, because I've been fearful of anything else. I'm the type of person that ALWAYS needs to know everything going on -- that's why my planner and the calendar on my phone are my best friends. ;-) But, in that moment, I laughed at myself and realized that maybe I should just surrender everything to God and trust that He'll take care of me next semester. And so I came to the conclusion that I will be staying on-campus next semester!! :D It makes me so excited, and really, I was feeling a little uneasy about the whole living-at-home thing. But now I feel peace! I feel like God wants me to stay, even though I have no idea how my job situation's going to work out. Because there's a million different options there. I just need to tell myself not to stress out about all the knitty gritty details right now -- because God will take care of that later!! He's placed so many people in my life who have told me stories about how God has provided for them. And I think God put those people in my life for a reason -- so I can be encouraged and see that God really does provide, so that in this time of my life when I need to depend on God for that, I'll be able to. Ahhhhh. God is so good. So that was the rest of my car ride. Worship music blasting into ever corner of my car on the road back to Minneapolis, with the city lights all around me!