Day #2: A Wild Pursuit

It was a chilly May night, the day after Finals, and my closest friends and I pulled an all-nighter together driving around the city of Minneapolis. After stuffing ourselves with breakfast food and pie at Denny's and parking near a scenic bridge to listen to worship music together, we made our way to the infamous "Makeout Point" in the Quarry. Once our orange car was subtly parked in the fogginess on top of the grassy hill that overlooked the city skyline, we pumped up the worship music once again and sat there for an hour in the stillness of God's presence. We prayed for each other, and then in a rush, I jumped out of the car and ran.

My feet pranced across the bushy grass, racing as fast as a deer's.

My eyes were fixed on the sunrise in the distance, nothing else.

My steps were swift and my strides were long. I couldn't stop!

I was free and overflowing with joy.

Then I danced at the edge of the plain to where the hill ended sharply and sloped violently downwards on a path of dirt.

It was the most free I've felt in my life.

Today I wondered, Am I actively pursuing God in the same way I ran out of the car to the edge of the field five days ago? Am I wildly jumping out into unknown, racing past anything in my way until I reach the very face of God?

The pursuit that God wants of us is supposed to be wild. It's supposed to be dangerous, not comfortable. Because comfortable equates stability, and stability is not part of growth.

I've become complacent. My hands are reaching towards God and my heart is groaning to know Him more, but my feet are glued to the ground of my own complacency. I'm screaming to Him, but my ears cannot hear because I'm too far away from Him.

All I want is for God's arms to envelop me in His beauty and love. I want to be captured and swept off my feet by Him, but I cannot experience this until I step into the gap that's separating us.

Why can't I move my feet into the vacant space? My feet feel like bricks being weighed down by my fears. I've constructed a wall that no one can tear down. It is a glass wall, but nonetheless, it is there.

I cannot move my feet because I am afraid of intimacy. I am afraid of the wild pursuit that God desires of me. I am afraid to give up my comforts to be closer to His heart.

But I know He is calling me out onto the waters. I know it. His voice is ever so clear, I'm just choosing to avoid it. Instead of risking myself for Him, I slumber away, actively ignoring His call.

He says, "Daughter, come out onto the waters. Step out of the boat and walk upon the waters. Reach for my hand and I will hold you. I will not let the waves overtake you."

A tug-o-war erupts inside of me. My spirit is aching for my Beloved, my Lord... but my flesh hesitates, flooding my head with worries. What if I stumble? What if I fall? What if the waves come crashing down on me?

No.

I cannot pledge my allegiance to my flesh any longer. I cannot sit in my place of comfort anymore. My spirit is trembling to budge, to move forward into oceans deep.

I'm like Peter, who Jesus called forth upon the waters as the disciples were on their fishing boat. Peter took a leap of faith and stepped onto the roaring seas. He saw Jesus standing out there, and that was the only hope he needed. He pursued Jesus wildly.

It's time for me to respond to the voice that is across the waters. It's time for this wall to fall and for me to step closer to God. It's time for me to run towards Him, pushing past all of my fear, pride, worry, and failures.

It's time to wildly pursue His heart.

**What is holding you back from pursuing Jesus wholly? Are you holding something back from Him that is creating a barrier between you and Him?