Real

I've come to the conclusion that since Tumblr is officially blocked at my school, that I must resort all my thoughts, questions, and emotions to my Blogspot. There's no other outlet for it other than a journal, which would require bursts of muscle in my hand to prevent me from getting writer's cramp. So I'd rather type out my thoughts simply on a screen, where I can make as many edits as I want. But on to what's on my mind.
Today I realized that I live in a community of surface relationships. I don't go beyond the simple "Hi, how are you?" conversations with many of the people in my life. And if I do go beyond a mere greeting, there isn't much depth to a lot of the conversations I have with people. We talk about the easy stuff: classes, music, people, movies, etc. And sometimes the conversations I have with people are totally pointless in a matter -- the content is purely for humor and entertainment, revolving around nothing but jokes and snarky comments. I'm sick of the shallow level of communication in my life. I want to dive deeper, into the unknown and the risky places. I actually want to get to know people for who they really are. I'm tired of hearing "good" or "fine" when I ask how someone is doing. I want to uncover what's really going on behind the facade they put on. I want to experience risk and force myself to muster up trust with people. I don't want anything but blatent honesty. I want realness, even if it is the bad and the ugly. I don't care. I don't want to live in the safe and happy world anymore, I want to plunge myself into the world of chaos and uncertainty where Jesus is the only answer to overcome all the problems going on. All I want is for the masks on the relationships I have to shatter. I want the walls that are hindering me from growing closer to the people in my life to break. All I want is realness.